This whole NBC/Conan O’Brien vs Jay Leno Tonight Show BS has really been the focus of attention for the past two weeks or so. It is my opinion that NBC is making a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad mistake by booting Conan O’Brien (someone who is insanely FUNNY and likeable) from the Tonight Show in favor of stupid old Jay Leno and his goddamned chin (someone who is insanely UNFUNNY, stale, and tame). I know Conan’s show hasn’t done as well as NBC would have liked ratings-wise in the SEVEN MONTHS it was on the air, but come on. Conan O’Brien is such a more entertaining and genuinely funny person than Leno, who should have retired by now.

In the past couple weeks, the Internet has completely exploded with coverage on this story, making it seem much more important than it actually is. After all, as Conan admitted himself, this is just a story about entertainment news involving millionaire celebrity comedians, not really something that people should get all riled up about. And yet, we have, myself included.

There is currently a rally going on in front of Universal City and the Conan O’Brien NBC studio, organized by the Facebook group called I’m with CoCo. In the past week I’ve seen the picture posted above all over the Web, including on my personal Twitter account and countless Facebook user profiles, as a sort of showing of solidarity in this ‘crisis’ of late-night hosting.

yes.

I attended the rally this afternoon, despite being overcome with allergies or a cold, and despite the rainstorm going on. When I got there around 11:45 am there were already about two hundred people there, I’d guesstimate, and they were picketing, with home-made signs professing their support for Conan and disdain for the Evil Chin. Cars drove by honking in support.

Eventually the rain become overbearing, and the wind ripped around relentlessly, tearing up many umbrellas…including my own, a giveaway Oakland A’s umbrella I obtained at a game about five years ago. The rain tattered and tore the umbrella until it was useless and hopelessly bent out of shape.

Goodnight, sweet prince.

I was saddened by this loss but vowed to carry on, despite the jagged pointy metal edges and the relentless violent wind gusts blowing the rain into me at an angle.

This insane downpour didn’t seem to have kept many people away from attending this rally, as the output was considerably better than I was expecting, given the conditions. It just goes to show you: Conan O’Brien fans really care about this situation, going outside in this horrible weather and showing their support for Conan during this ordeal.

Let’s get one thing straight: yes, Conan is receiving a nice hefty payday out of this from NBC, and he will be able to move to another network or something and continue broadcasting, but the whole principle of the situation is what bothers me and so many other Conan die-hards. This rally probably won’t directly accomplish anything, but it has attracted interest from more than a thousand people and some news networks, who were there interviewing people in the rain. NBC will feel the impact of this when its audience dwindles away to nothing, which I hope happens.

Yes, there are more serious things to spend time protesting and rallying for than who hosts a late night talk show, but sometimes you have to show support for entertainers who are being fucked around by their bosses, which is the case for Conan right now.

When you sign a contract to host a late night program, you should be able to count on doing so FOR LONGER THAN SEVEN MONTHS. NBC, though, has said “meh we’re over it” and decided to re-install Jay Leno as the Tonight Show host, despite the fact that Jay Leno is horribly lame and unfunny.

In the long run, I really hope NBC experiences a huge drop-off in ratings after the switch, as I for one will not be supporting the network. I’ll watch my NBC shows on sketchy non-Hulu.com websites, so as to not help out in giving NBC any website traffic. I encourage all other Conan O’Brien fans to do the same. Considering how NBC’s only really good shows are the Office and Parks & Recreation (ok, maybe 30 Rock), this shouldn’t be too hard to handle.

Seeing the turnout today at the I’m with CoCo rally really showed me just how passionate his fans are; while they might not all have been watching the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien enough, that doesn’t mean they weren’t Conan fans; since Conan took over the show in June, the jokes and the content were considerably dumbed-down from what they were previously on Late Night with Conan. This probably turned off some of his long-time fans, upset over the change in content that was necessary given the earlier timeslot. Fans who loved the Masturbating Bear and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog were probably miffed that they weren’t really a part of the new show, so they stopped watching. Hence, the ratings went down, and the show is in jeopardy.

Personally, I’ve attended tapings of Late Night with Conan O’Brien in New York in 2006 and San Francisco in 2008.

me with my hands up

I also went to a taping of the Tonight Show last Monday, the 11th, and actually got a few seconds of screen time during the Audiencey Awards segment (yeah yeah, shameless plug, but it’s pretty damn awesome to see yourself on TV). Conan truly is a hilarious, irreverent comedian, the perfect type of person to host a late-night talk show. Late Night with Conan O’Brien was consistently funny, and when I heard he was taking over for Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, I was really excited. I had tried to get tickets to a taping since the premiere in June, but was unable to do so until last week.

NBC is making a stupid mistake replacing Conan with Leno. EVERYONE seems to be against Leno and NBC in this, including other late night hosts, such as Jimmy Kimmel, who hosted an entire episode of his show Jimmy Kimmel Live last week dressed as Leno, complete with ridiculous fake chin and silly hair. It was quite amazing, and he even went on Leno the next night for a brief interview in which he COMPLETELY DOMINATED Leno and made fun of him to his face, as well as pointing out that “Conan and I have children, you have cars. You have $800 million. Leave our shows alone!” to which Jay didn’t really have much of a comeback.

Since this situation has gone on, Conan’s show has almost reverted back to what it was before, as he just doesn’t give a shit anymore. The jokes are almost always at the expense of NBC, with Conan laughing at how the Olympics on NBC are expected to be a huge loss in money for the network. He’s obviously bitter about the whole thing, and rightly so. He and his entire staff (or most of them) UPROOTED themselves and MOVED out to Los Angeles for this show, which was supposed to be a long-term thing. Yes, Conan is rich and won’t have to worry about anything financially, but what about his staff? They moved out here with promise of a long-term job, and now NBC is just going to lay them all off, essentially. It’s fucked up.

I know this has been a really long read, but I had to vent on the situation, as an avid Conan fan (and a fan of humor in general). If you honestly prefer Jay Leno over Conan O’Brien, you just don’t appreciate or really understand humor.

What NBC is doing to Conan O’Brien is shameful, and I hope the network experiences exceptionally low ratings as a result. Considering they’re already usually in last place for ratings anyway, that shouldn’t be very hard.

I’ll follow Conan wherever he ends up, and watch whatever show he gets next. As for NBC, you’ve lost a viewer because of your nonsense. I hope other Conan fans follow suit.

Conan = yes.

Jay Leno = no.

I like to think I’m a pretty good friend. And while there aren’t many to corroborate that hypothesis, I’m pretty certain that those you could find would back me up on that. So with that in mind, let’s get hypothetical.

Let’s say my very bestest friend that there is in the whole wide worldy, were laying in his death bed, wracked with pain, writhing in agony, only moment from the end of his tragically short life. And let’s further postulate that he were to ask me in a shaky, fragile whisper, as a final dieing request, that I do nothing more than simply sit at his bed side for an hour and watch with him home movies of the trip he took to Yosimestone National Tree Yard and Gift Shop with his family last Summer. And after making this oh so tiny request of me, his attending doctor leans over to tell me that by simply watching this video with my dearly beloved, nearly dead friend, it would somehow miraculously restore his vitality and grant him another sixty years of pain free, vibrant existence. With all of that hypothetically said I would of course, without hesitation, simply shake my head solemnly at the injustice of it all and gently hold my bosomest pal’s hand in mine, cursing that there was simply nothing that could be done differently, as the last wisps of life quietly slipped past his lips.

Great American Road Trip, hosted by Reno "Hey, aren't you Andy Richter" Collier

Which brings me to NBC‘s Great American Road Trip. There’s nothing good about someone else’s vacation slides. Even if you try to tell me it’s a “reality competition” program for fabulous cash prizes and fire engine rides over the Mississippi river. It’s still motor homes full of people who aren’t me being recorded for no good reason and shared with the world for even less.

Great American Road Trip takes all of the best things about shows like Amazing Race, packs them neatly into a suit case and absentmindedly leaves it sitting on the roof of the car as it pulls out of the drive way, sending it sliding off the back and left laying in the middle of the road, unnoticed until someone goes looking for a bag of ratings or a bottle of viewer interest only to finally realize their tragic mistake. So rather than contestants with any sort of inspiring or interesting story or reason for being on your television screen, Great American Road Trip simply pulls seven stereotypes from a hat, stuffs them into a fleet of RVs and sets them loose on middle America.

Watch as the little Puerto Rican kids scream and whine over who gets the last gummy worm. Marvel at the hilarious regional differences as the family from Yonkers debates the Arkansas rednecks over the proper mispronunciation for referencing multiple people: “y’all” or “yous”. Be astounded by the ridiculously convoluted games based loosely around the American Presidential electoral system and debasing national landmarks like the St. Louis Gateway Arch, by treating it like a giant croquet wicket in the most painfully boring competitions ever conceived.

So ultimately the Great American Road Trip ends up being exactly like the Amazing Race. Except without the exotic foreign locales, or the compelling character stories and well thought out region specific challenges, or the Amazingness. Oh, and it’s not a race either. But other than that though, just like Amazing Race.

I have a great TV that I haven’t turned on in a year.  I don’t have cable because I like food better and I have a life so watching on someone’s else’s schedule just seems stupid to me so I watch almost all of my shows online.

I try not to steal it because all us artists need to eat but some networks make it damn near impossible which begs the question;  In this fabulous age of “Give me that and give it to me now” – click – “Got it”, WHY aren’t all the networks getting wise, and putting all their goods on-line and making it easy for me to love their shows?! I have a job to do here after all.  I must watch TV…for you…be grateful…it’s a hard knock life.

I like to think of the major networks as potentially hot dates.  Wanna know who’s givin’ up the goods, who’s reading The Rules and fooling themselves and who’s just as ugly as a $2 whore?  Thought you might.

ABC.com

Image courtesy of ABC.com

I began my on-line television love affair at ABC.com so I’m a little biased.  Their player requires a simple download but it doesn’t take up any space and it provides access to HD quality viewing.  All their prime time shows are available, sometimes 4 episodes at a time and sometimes full seasons but as long as you check in once a month, you can easily enjoy the whole season (which in fairness can be said about most networks).  The only feature I don’t like is that after the obligatory commercial breaks, they make you click play to continue, which puts a kink in my desire to lay back and watch uninterrupted.  If it weren’t for ABC streaming, I would never have fallen in love with Eli Stone…only to watch it end…*sigh*

Spazz Rating: Those are some classy shoes.  Wanna Fuck?

CBS.com

Lewis Smith on CSI: Miami. That's a sexy MF! Grrrr! Image courtesy of CBS.com

Ugh!  What is wrong with CBS?!  Okay, so everyone LOVES the crime dramas and thanks for carrying the sit-com torch, really I love them but what is the deal?!  I couldn’t get any episodes to work on my network after days of trying in a “private viewing room” (their page design is obviously weak) so I had to watch one in a group chat room which picks up where ever the group is watching…eewwww!  Are you fucking kidding me?  If I wanted to talk to someone while I watch TV I would go to my grandmothers house.  It freezes constantly but that should be worth the wait since they let you throw virtual tomatoes and all kinds of crap at the screen. It’s almost like they know how mad I am at this point.  It took me forever just to figure out how to download an episode…and now it’s not working.  I threw one tomato and then I went back to ABC.   My network connection may not be the strongest…but I’m not the only one and all the other sites work.

Spazz Rating: Stuck Up, well dressed Cock Tease who assumes we want to talk about her…nobody likes a tease.

NBC.com

Image courtesy of NBC.com

Me likey NBC!  They have several shows that I run to watch and their site is exceptionally user friendly, easy to navigate and gives you plenty of content to keep you more than entertained.  The amount of episodes vary by show but they have highlight clips posted for all current, and for some, previous season shows, to give you a taste of what you missed before the episodes available.  They’re not teasers but individual scenes, still, it helps.  The highlights are fun too if you just have a little time to kill in an airport and don’t have time to get engrossed.  Each show gets viewing page of it’s own design and the episodes glide from commercial to segment, unlike ABC which is nice.

You can also watch old school NBC classics like the original Battlestar Gallactica and Buck Rodgers which cycle seasons and episodes much like On Demand does.  FUN!!!

Spazz Rating: Sexy, Smart, an animal in the sack and a rockin’ good time.  The perfect rendezvous.

FOX.com

Image courtesy of Fox.com

Fucked!  I just erased and started over.  I had watched Fringe on their site and being new I guess they were trying to cultivate an audience for it so they put all the episodes up.  That’s not the case with most if not all of the other shows, there is no rhyme and Fox never appears to have a good REASON for anything so I’m going to stop expecting that there is one.  Some shows have many episodes but the chronology is whacked, skipping whole episodes.  Some shows give you lot’s of season highlight clips, some none.

I can understand why they would put more effort into the shows that are selling…but maybe attempt to generate some interest in other shows if they’re NOT and show me SOMETHING!  The videos take some time to start and they always immediately begin with the most recent episode without asking you which frankly is obnoxious and treats the viewer like an idiot.  If you watch every week, I think you might be okay, but if you don’t you’ll watch what they tell you to watch damn it!  Oh, and don’t try to tune-in to House every week for a recent show.  They wait 8 days after the episode airs to post that sucker…WHY?!

If funding is a problem, they could always siphon some of the free millions they will make off of The Watchmen…Cock suckers.

Spazz Rating: If this were a first date I would “go to the restroom” during dessert and leave this ass-munch to rot.

CWtv.com

Sam Witwer is yummy Image courtesy of CWtv.com

The page @ the CW (nick name: See Dub) is very user friendly but they don’t give you much.  At max any of their shows have 4 episodes available but at least they appear to be in order, though they only show them by title instead of number so they may have me snowed.  I’ve only ever watched individual episodes of some of their shows.  Either a friend of mine was on a show or because other friends tied me to a couch and made me watch them (please someone untie me!  I can’t watch another episode of Smallville unless Sam Witwer is on it!).  I can’t say I’m a fan of many of their shows (though Supernatural is pretty cool) but they do give you lots of goodies like cast interviews and inside looks which actually make me more intrigued to stay and keep watching.

Spazz Rating: It started as a Pity Fuck…but now they’re growing on me…in a good way.

Post Date Night Summary over Brunch:

I get the whole “why show me everything, when I could tune in and make their sponsors happy?”  and my answer is simple…You have no power over me.  If I can log-on on my own time and check out what you’ve got, awesome!  I’ll dig it, I’ll spread the word and other people WILL watch it on a television.  I however am a very busy girl and if you want to entertain me, you’ll do it on my time…though I guess I’m not their target audience now am I.  Maybe that’s why only a few of them want me?  Oh but let me assure you, those are the only guys I’m gonna get in bed with anyway.

I can only hope for your sake that you have as much self-respect.

Ladies and gents, as I struggle to see the screen through my swollen tear riddled eyelids, I come to you a little humbled.  I was planning on writing an article about NBC‘s ER, and it was going to start a little something like this:
“ Wait, hold on a second…the show is still on the air?!  Season 15!!!  For the love of all that is decent LET MY PEOPLE GO!  Let it die!  How many unfortunate staff accidents and illnesses can we consider plausible and continue to watch!!!…”  Bla bla bla,ad nauseam infinitum.

I am an Ass, which should surprise non of you but I’m glad I at least had the good sense to try and prove how much of an Ass I am only to humiliate myself further to tell you that ER is still a great fracking show.  Let me clarify that a significant tear quotient is by no means the gauge for the quality of a television show, but for a girl that hasn’t watched in…5-7ish years (I honestly can’t remember) I strapped in to watch the first episode of this season chocked full of actors and characters that I had yet to have an opinion about, and 4 episodes in, I have to take a break to let the swelling go down.

Mekhi Phifer‘s character I did remember and they killed him in the first episode, so that was a tough way to begin, and then Maura Tierney left and now with the exception of Frank and a few beloved nurses, everyone is new to me and for the most part, I care.  I was expecting John Stamos to give me plenty of negative things to say, being John Stamos and all, but I am pleasantly surprised to report that he doesn’t suck!  He’s the always happy guy which works for him, and when it’s time to be sad…he’s still kinda just the “oh darn” guy, which was a little off putting, but I guess it would be boring if everyone was all booo hooing and snotty faced.  His character is gaining some depth as the season progresses and it’s nice to see.  Angela Bassett joined the cast this season and she’s doing a beautiful job (to no-ones surprise).  Loves it!

I know that this show is very carefully scrutinized by actual ER doctors on staff for accuracy (and bravo to that) but my medical inexperience makes me wonder why almost EVERY patient manages to make it to the ER, rolls in talking and making jokes and then the next moment they are critical and bleeding all over the place.  Not to mention that every doctor has a sad story of something bad that’s happened to them, baggage GA-lore or a freak life threatening episode once every season and a half at LEAST.  I mean REALLY like this is all probable…………oh…………..wait…

It’s TV!

As one of my hero’s says regularly “Real life if boring, nobody wants to watch that”, and he’s right.  I’m not saying that the life of an Emergency Room Doctor is by any means boring but we do need a reason to tune in EVERY week for FIFTEEN YEARS so frankly I give them credit for making me give a rats ass without offering me money and mailing me free booze.  Now for those of you that don’t want to spend the night in hysterics, by episodes 8 and 9ish of this season I was able to put the snotty old t-shirts in the wash (why should the trees suffer tissues because I like drama?).

Not exactly my usual format, but I’ll throw in some bullet points for ya if it will help you decide whether to join me in the SnotFest:

BASIC PREMISE: After 15 years on the air…are you kidding me?

CAST: Great, all of them!

WHAT I DIG: The characters, the stories, the heart.

WHAT I DON’T: Being made to cry so damned much, I look terrible and I’ve eaten nothing but cereal for days.  Someone bring me a salad or something!

WILL IT LAST: Last season and poetic that the creator, Michael Crichton passes away during the last season.  Say goodbye to a great show.

P.S.- Oh crap!  I just got to the end of episode 9…I need another t-shirt!