I’m sure you were expecting to hear about something like this, considering William Shatner is doing all kinds of random stuff these days. Sitcoms based on Twitter accounts, airfare commercials, and now a hard-rock album? Why not???

As LA Weekly reports, looks like the Shatmaster is currently conducting star-studded jam sessions in Los Angeles in preparation of this musical opus.

Peter Frampton and Mike Inez (who will be playing Iron Man with fellow Ozzy alum, Zakk Wylde) are definitely participating and our sources claims artists slated to perform (but who haven’t done their parts yet) include Steve Howe of Yes, Ian Paice of Deep Purple and the god among men, Brian May of Queen. Supposedly it’s only a matter of scheduling that prevents confirmation (come on May, make this happen!).  Finally, it wouldn’t be a space themed album without the space man and his self proclaimed Space Bass, Bootsy Collins!

There are more quotes from the LA Weekly’s “source”, whoever that may be, indicating that yes, THIS IS A REAL THING, and yes, it will somehow materialize in the not-so-distant future. Unless, of course, everyone involved thinks it’s just TOO silly to actually happen.

LA Weekly also mentions that the album’s supposed Track list currently includes “Bohemian Rhapsody” (which May will not be playing on-no joke), a Byrds song, “Space Odyssey,” “Iron Man,” “Learn to Fly” and… wait for it… “SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE”!

I expect us all to crawl out of our beds and hop on the Interwebz tomorrow only to find that this was all a ruse, a hoax conducted by Shatner just to see how gullible we all are, or perhaps to see just how powerful he really is. If we’d believe this, wouldn’t we believe ANYTHING??

Or, this is real, in which case 2011 just got a little bit weirder.

In case you just COULD NOT wait to hear about this year’s installment of the annual Rockstar Mayhem Festival (and I know you couldn’t), here it is.

Because it is 2003, this year’s lineup is as follows: Disturbed, Godsmack, Megadeth, Machine Head, In Flames, Trivium, and two rotating side stages involving Suicide Silence, All Shall Perish, Straight Line Stitch, Unearth, Kingdom of Sorrow, and Red Fang.

This year, the folks at Rockstar are trying something new: discounted tickets if your truck has Yosemite Sam mud flaps and/or if you wear one of those “If You Can See This, The Bitch Fell Off” t-shirts. Also, you can save $5 for every empty 36-pack box of Coors Light you bring to the box office.

Okay okay, maybe those last few things were a joke, but would they really be that far-fetched?

But still, this lineup is pretty silly. A festival tour that has had headliners such as Slipknot, Korn & Rob Zombie, Slayer, and Marilyn Manson in the past, and Disturbed is the best they can get?

Does Disturbed solely exist now, in 2011, to occasionally make albums and then do this tour every summer? It sure seems like they do.

Oh yeah, there’s also some fine print on the website about some schedule changes for a few of the bands: On July 9th in San Bernardino, CA, Cartoon Network/Adult Swim’s metal cartoon phenomenon DETHKLOK will perform in the place of MEGADETH, and colossal Bay Area thrash kings TESTAMENT will perform in the place of IN FLAMES. TESTAMENT will also perform in the place of IN FLAMES on the July 10th Mountain View, CA date. MEGADETH will not be appearing on the Montreal, QC Heavy MTL date. Other bands will be announced for Heavy MTL soon.

If you are REALLY interested in finding out more about this shenaniganfest, check out the official site here. Or, watch this video below to get your blood pumping and fist smashing.

Rockstar chugging is not required, but is suggested, for maximum awesome.

More than a bit later than I had originally intended, but it’s here all the same; my usual roundup of monthly tracks for October. Aren’t you excited??

…that’s okay, I probably wouldn’t be all that excited either. In any case, let’s get on with it; and as usual, please feel free to suggest anything I may have missed.

Crystal Castles and Robert Smith – Not in Love

This is one where I am yet to hear anybody express a disliking for; it feels like Smith’s vocals couldn’t possibly be more well placed throughout the shuffling verse, but when that bright, overpowering chorus hits, it somehow sounds even better. While their second LP from earlier this year definitely proved the duo to be more than the flash in the pan act their debut made them seem to be, this ridiculously captivating collaboration has proven them to be quite a growing force in the indie electronica field.

Kno – La Petite Mort (Come Die with Me)

On Kno’s solo debut, he masterfully combines a storyteller-like flow reminiscent of Atmosphere’s Slug with the emotional, heartfelt subject matter of Kid Cudi – except he succeeds far better than Cudi ever did, with this track being a prime example. Over a dark yet seductive beat, Kno examines death (in one of the many shades taken throughout his consistently impressive album, Death Is Silent) without once coming across as self-pitying or shortsighted, always offering insight and always explaining why he feels what he feels, and is thinking what he’s thinking. With a flow, beat, and lyrics this good, it’s a wonder why he hasn’t taken off.

Be My Enemy – Disintegration

Another solo debut, this time from Phil Barry (half of the mighty industrial unit Cubanate from the late 90s), caught my ear in October, and it’s a fuckin’ scorcher. It may not be anything particularly new, but This Is the New Wave (and Disintegration especially) is a stomping, furious affair that is going to be every good industrial DJ’s secret weapon for some time.

Digitalism – Stratosphere

While the electro duo’s long awaited new single Blitz has been met with mixed reactions (and I personally found it painfully average), its parent EP of the same name is also home to the delightful Stratosphere. Gentle, hazy, and toying with its layers just enough to keep its simple elements interesting all throughout its length, this is a fun and downright euphoric house-y jam that’s got my faith in the group still going strong.

Agalloch – The Watcher’s Monolith

“Epic” is a term thrown around far too liberally these days, but it’s always been closely associated to this progressive black/folk/post/whatever-you-want-to-call-it metal group, and appropriately so. Not only is this typically long (clocking in at an anything but lean twelve minutes), but offers such depth that each listening gives a new perspective, and a song of this length that is able to ceaselessly grow on you deserves quite a lot of credit. An excellent set-up that threatens to meander but never does, a blasting, raging midsection, and a beautiful, piano led conclusion. Great stuff.

Sufjan Stevens – I Want to Be Well

It’s a wonderful thing when an artist capably moves on past their trademark sound, but it’s even better when they create a bridge of sorts and blend their previous element with the new – and that’s exactly what Sufjan Stevens (someone else who is no stranger to the “Epic” tag) does on I Want to Be Well. The woodwinds battling against the subdued, almost danceable glitches on this track could be one of the best musical moments of the year for me, it’s just so cleverly implemented that it becomes one of those songs where you’re baffled by the idea of someone not liking it. For anybody underwhelmed with the All Delighted People EP, this glorious standout off of The Age of Adz should be a breath of fresh air.

Trophy Scars – Sad Stanley

Post-Hardcore has become a very large blanket term for bands embracing hardcore’s energy, but Trophy Scars just might embody the very term with their new EP. Dropping the punk tendencies in favor of bluesy jams, jazzy playing styles, and progressive song structures, but maintaining that aggression has made their latest release an endlessly fascinating one. Sad Stanley finds them taking on blues quite strongly, but without sounding like anything but a hardcore band with more ideas than any one group could possibly have. It’s the perfect representative of Darkness, Oh Hell.

Skrillex – Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites

Speaking of bursting at the seams with ideas, Skrillex’s latest release offers an ungodly meld of beautiful melodies and a downright filthy wobble,  registering somewhere in between dubstep and house. Considering that this is barely even a mid-tempo track, the sheer energy it gives off is insane, boasting relentless glitches and some the deepest, dirtiest synths around.

Ulcerate – Dead Oceans

Any death metal fan who is unfamiliar with these guys needs to be formally acquainted ASAP, and Dead Oceans is a great example of why. Off of their highly anticipated new album to be released in early 2011, Oceans is both blistering and groovy, with some of the best and most intricate drumming you’re going to hear in this genre (which is admittedly is a claim and a half, but still). Rousing beyond belief all throughout its seven minutes, and a bit more straight-forward than their previous album, it’s got me looking forward to what’s coming next.

Deadmau5 – Sofi Needs a Ladder

The house community is teeming with anticipation over Deadmau5′s upcoming compilation 4×4=12, and its first official single has only heightened the sentiment. While there is a bit of a difference in opinion over Sofia Toufa’s rather in-your-face vocal performance (with many fans preferring the original instrumental, You Need a Ladder), there’s no argument that the beat is spectacular. Starting out with pounding psychedelia that gives way to Joel Zimmerman’s trademark thick, dirty sounding bass, Ladder is a damned exciting track, one that frankly makes me feel as though I could use a ladder myself.

Take a moment to think of your favorite band, or if it’s too difficult to pick just one, grab a favorite at random. In the unlikely event that you’ve selected an artist with a single album, well.. this week’s list is for you. This is going to be all about bands who’ve put out a lone full-length, and left fans wondering what could have been.. would they have gone on to release one fantastic album after another? Or simply fall back into mediocrity, or worse, become total shit? In any case, here are ten bands and their solitary albums, which have surely made far more people than just me why the hell they didn’t just crank out at least a few more albums. Anyway, on with the list…

Operation Ivy – Energy

BOO

Well before both ska and pop-punk exploded in the mid to late 90s, Operation Ivy put out their one, highly influential, incredibly fun, and highly appropriately titled album, Energy. While clearly drawing on early 80s punk and second wave ska, Energy was really groundbreaking not just in its approach with blending the styles but with how fucking energetic the whole thing is. The twenty seven tracks breeze by, and even the songs that are less pleasant lyrically (Officer comes to mind) have such a carefree attitude that it rubs off on the listener. While Tim Armstrong and Matt Freeman went on to bigger things with Rancid, Energy remains a stone cold classic.

Deltron 3030 – Self Titled

All futuristic n' shit

Del the Funky Homosapien, Dan the Automator, and Kid Koala are all quite familiar with collaboration, but here they were each arguably at their peak. Armed with great futuristic beats to match the album’s sci-fi theme (laid out brilliantly by Del, with humor laced social commentary) yet never taking itself too seriously, Deltron 3030′s debut is textbook alternative hip-hop. There’s been a lot of talk of a sequel to this, but sadly it remains mostly that, and this is a story that deserves a quality follow-up.

Circle Takes the Square – As the Roots Undo

Wow what a crappy drawing

There are so many original takes on post-hardcore here that it boggles the mind. Ambient sections, traded off male and female vocals, thrash metal-inspired guitar, frantic, grindcore-inspired drums, mumbled poetry, harps, and so on and so forth. So much random shit is thrown into this album that it’s a wonder it worked at all, much less as tremendously well as it has. Perhaps a follow-up never came because the band was conscious of this, and feared never being able to get everything to click this well again.

The Avalanches – Since I Left You

"You're here to save us!" "Uh... yeah, that's what it is.."

Second only to DJ Shadow’s Endtroducing, Since I Left You is the most impressive mix of samples on an album. Everything is mixed perfectly, which is even more impressive when you consider how varied the sampled artists are – and yes, if you’re not familiar, the Avalanches blow Girl Talk away. This is perfect party music – it’s fun, it’s relentlessly feel-good, and if you pay attention you’re bound to recognize something. Now there’s just the matter of following it up… the joke is that the second album has long been completed, and the band is still waiting for all the samples to clear.

Radiation 4 – Wonderland

Wheee!

Likely to be some of the most bizarre and challenging metal you’ll ever hear. Radiation 4 forcibly puts awkward time signatures, styles, and even genres together (Tick. Tock. Tick.‘s angry offbeat hardcore concluding in that almost clown-reminiscent “la-la-la-la-la-la” being a perfect example) and makes it sound not only easy, but even charming. From epic to silly and everything in between, it’s easy to imagine that perhaps the band said everything they wanted to with Wonderland, but you can’t help wondering if they could’ve gotten any weirder than this.

Gospel – The Moon Is a Dead World

I don't even know what this means

One doesn’t really associate progressive rock with genres names like “Emo” (or the even more unfortunately named “Screamo”), but that’s exactly the angle Gospel took with their one and only album, The Moon Is a Dead World. The music is heavy, erratic, and raw, but its aggression really comes second to the emotional aggression, which is even more unrelenting and engaging. Post-hardcore, screamo, whatever you want to call it, this album is one of the most unique of its kind, and is a definite must-hear.

Mad Season – Above

Let's make out... TRAGICALLY

An excellent effort from a mid 90s supergroup comprised of members of the grunge elite, Above is a dark, harrowing trip through Alice in Chains vocalist Layne Staley’s mind, with a bluesy approach to the music courtesy of Pearl Jam’s Mike McCready on guitar and top blues bassist, John Baker Saunders. The rockers are harsh, the blues jams are fun, and the gentler tracks are downright haunting. This is clearly all we’re going to get, what with both Saunders and Staley being dead (and both due to heroin use), which is a damn shame – Above suggested that this band was capable of even better.

Jimmy Chamberlin Complex – Life Begins Again

Purty burdy

While we’re on the subject of 90s alternative, how about that Jimmy Chamberlin! The Smashing Pumpkins drummer founded a solo project in the early-mid noughts with a jazz fusion-meets-alternative rock sound in mind, and it’s accomplished surprisingly well on their debut. Along with songwriter Billy Mohler, Chamberlin constructs highly progressive (and at times beautiful) fusion built around his excellent drumming, with a revolving door of guest musicians (including Billy Corgan) helping out. What with Chamberlin’s involvement in the resurrected Pumpkins, this may end up being a one-off, which is a shame – it’s easily the most accessible and fun that any recent rock-based approach to jazz fusion has been, and Pumpkins fans would do well to give it a listen.

Yndi Halda – Enjoy Eternal Bliss

Here we see the hopeless, desolate town of... Candyland

What with the post-rock scene burgeoning at the time of this release, it’s remarkable how well it was able to stand out. Yndi Halda prove themselves to be masters of not only establishing tension and progression, but with instrument application as well – there are special little moments where a traditional drumbeat with pop up with a sweet violin hook riding it before crashing into something else, or a lone, intensifying bluesy guitar being joined by strings, horns, and marching drums, but they never feel random or the result of meandering. The approach used here is very similar to that of post-rock pioneers Godspeed You! Black Emperor, but much brighter and uplifting. And four years later, it’s starting to look sadly as if they’ve nothing else to say.

The Postal Service – Give Up

Jump out the window! NOW

Here’s one where it’s easy to think that perhaps it’s for the best that the musicians involved (Death Cab’s Ben Gibbard and Dntel, or Jimmy Tamborello) don’t seem anywhere near following up their collaboration’s debut. Give Up just has a certain air about it, like it was created at just the right point in not just the collaborators’ lives, but in the music scene as well.  Everything, from Gibbard’s lyrics to Tamborello’s quirky electronic flourishes, feels so genuine, and even fresh – upon its release, there really wasn’t anything else that sounded like it, and it’s spawned quite a bit of mimicry, both well-conceived (Bright Eyes’ Digital Ash in a Digital Urn) and god-awful (anything by Owl City) alike. Even now, seven years after its release, it still sounds unique, and stands quite well on its own.

“Linkin Park SUCKS!!”

I’ve heard this phrase for about ten years now, beginning way back when fifteen-year-old me picked up Hybrid Theory in the fall of 2000, much to the dislike of my friends and their super-cool, “it’s only good if it’s hardcore/punk/real metal” music sensibilities. Music snobs, this review isn’t for you.

That sentiment only got louder as LP became The World’s Most Popular Band, circa 2003 with the release of Meteora. They took the style made popular by bands like Korn and Limp Bizkit and made it more accessible to more people, and as a result their hybrid of hip-hop, hard rock/metal and electronica polarized the general public, creating enemies in those music fans who hate popular things because they’re popular.

Well, the band has, since Meteora, only gotten BIGGER, with 2007’s uneven Minutes to Midnight propelling them even higher into the stratosphere of mainstream music and worldwide supremacy. This only made the “haters” even more pissed off, especially those who said the band had “sold out” with MTM’s significantly more mellow sound and less of the in-your-face-and-filled-with-angsty-lyrics thing that put them on the map.

Well, with today’s release of A Thousand Suns, Linkin Park have shown the world that they don’t care what you want them to sound like.  In fact, I’m positive this album will turn a lot of LP fans into the type of person who says “yeah, I listened to them before they really sucked”.

The thing is, though, that this album doesn’t suck. It’s actually extremely intriguing and ballsy.

Listening to the strange array of noises and songs and interludes and speeches and other curiosities that make up the disc, I realized something I hadn’t quite realized before.

Linkin Park is NOT a “rock band”. They’re a fantastic pop band.

That’s right, kids. Chester Bennington, Mike Shinoda, Joe Hahn, David “Phoenix” Farrell, Rob Bourdon, and Brad Delson are no longer the hard rock outfit you once knew.

Just listen to the eclectic and surprising collection of music on A Thousand Suns and you’ll understand what I’m saying.

Looking for the sun, perhaps?

I pre-ordered the album and received via email a digital download of the entire album in one uncut mp3 track, so it would appear that the band intends this thing to be consumed as the sum of its parts instead of a bunch of tracks jumbled together.

In that context, what they’ve done really stands out as a cohesive collection of intricate instrumentalism and precision.

Album opener, The Requiem, features some Robot-Tuned female vocals reciting lines from lead single The Catalyst, leading into The Radiance, a 50-second speech from Robert Oppenheimer set to some future robot planet marching noises.

The first full song, Burning in the Skies, is not the familiar barrage of guitar riffs and anger that you might expect. Instead, it’s a hushed, mellow piano-driven tune with Shinoda on main vocal duties. Bennington takes over for the chorus, offering lines like I’m swimming with the smoke of bridges I’ve burned. As with most Linkin Park albums, I have no idea what they’re really talking about, as lyrically they’ve always been about puffed-up wordplay that doesn’t really mean anything yet resonates with the listener. The song sounds like it could have been on Minutes to Midnight, had that album had some of the same techno-beeps and computerization that Transformers single New Divide provided.

The next real song on the album, When They Come for Me, is my favorite track from the record. Its percussive explosion of drums and rhythm set to some buzzy guitars gives it this really strange and alluring atmospheric feel, almost as if it’s an attempt to make a song in the style of Nine Inch Nails doing James Bond theme music.

Shinoda drops a line in this song that I think is the key to this whole record: I am not a pattern to be followed/The pill that I’m on is a tough one to follow/I’m not a criminal, not a role model/ Not a born leader/ I’m a tough act to follow/I am not the fortune and the fame/or the same person tellin’ you to forfeit the game.

I think he’s alluding to the fact that the media and LP fans whined that Meteora was “too much” like Hybrid Theory, then when the band totally revamped their sound with Minutes to Midnight as a response to that, it was “too mellow” and the fans whined and bitched that it wasn’t as cool as Hybrid Theory or Meteora. This must have made the band feel pretty incapable of satisfying their audience. Mike’s line about not being a pattern to follow nor “the same person tellin’ you to forfeit the game” (itself a line from Points of Authority from Hybrid Theory) sounds like a statement to the whiners that “we’ve changed, get over it”.

Musically, the song is great too, mixing tribal drums, vocal chants and hip hop/techno beats seamlessly. It’s a new kind of sound for them and the result is just mesmerizing.

Robot Boy isn’t as great, instead being a low-key piano-driven jam that isn’t terrible either. It’s just not a high point on the album individually. It does work well as an interlude, though.

Jornada del Muerto, a real interlude, is effective enough with echoed vocals and heartbeat rhythm building into the next track, Waiting for the End. This was one of the songs the band released a few weeks ago, and its pseudo-reggae vibe made no sense on its own, but in the musical context of this record it fits perfectly. It’s still a bit weird hearing Mike and Chester adopt some dancehall-ish vocals, even if they don’t do it 100% authentically.

Blackout is the strangest track on the album, with Bennington’s screaming and choppy, reversed and remixed voice set to a synth beat and staccato rhythm. His weird talk-rap used in the song’s verse was strange at first, considering he hasn’t ever really done this before, but it adds an element to the song that makes it stand out even more. This track is more of a showcase for Mr. Hahn on the turntables, and he puts on quite a performance.

Wretches and Kings is also one of the album’s best moments, and probably the closest thing to the “old sound” that the band gets. Shinoda’s MC duties on this one are familiar, and Bennington’s chorus, despite the tinge of almost-hip hop/reggae, is vintage LP. It’s also nice to hear Brad Delson actually get to play some guitar riffs, too.

Wisdom, Justice & Love samples MLK, setting his words to a slow piano melody, before becoming Robot-Tuned toward the end and leading into Iridescent.

This song is Stadium Anthem Linkin Park. Another piano-led exercise, it finds Shinoda and Bennington splitting lead vocal duties, singing about the search for hope and being lost and desperate and things of that nature. The song builds and builds until an epic, lighter and glowing-cell-phones-waving-in-the-air chorus. As a whole it sounds very U2-ish (not unlike Shadow of the Day from MTM), but it’s also really aesthetically pleasing, probably due to the soaring chorus of voices that kick in with the guitar toward the middle. It may seem odd, a feel-good track from a band known for anger and aggression, but it’s very musical and pretty uplifting.

Fallout adds more interlude beeps and whirls and robot voices before The Catalyst kicks in. We all know that song and its surprising (at first listen) structure, going from drum blasts and DJ scratches to a repeated vocal hook that builds into a techno freakout before relaxing into a melodic piano outro.

The album’s closer, The Messenger, is a tender acoustic ballad with Chester singing and, sometimes, screaming. The scratchiness in Bennington’s voice relays an energy and passion that hasn’t been expressed this way in a LP song before. The line When life leaves us blind/Love keeps us kind is repeated over and over, and sticks with you long after the song fades and the album comes to an end. The song sounds like an epic 1980s hair metal ballad, but without all the cheesiness. Instead, it’s quite moving, and that’s not a word I had ever expected to use regarding a Linkin Park song.

In closing, A Thousand Suns is definitely not for everyone. There is no Crawling, no Faint, no In the End, and definitely no Given Up to be found here. There are also only nine full songs, the rest being interludes, which could irritate some listeners.

If you can keep an open mind and appreciate a band’s growth and evolution, though, then you might “get” this record. People who don’t like the band probably won’t like this record inherently, but they do have quite a knack for changing styles and challenging themselves, that much is certain.

This album is incredibly ambitious, and whether or not you like what you hear, they at least deserve credit for trying. Bands of this stature don’t usually produce albums with the potential to polarize their fanbase as much as LP has done with this one.

Just don’t expect a lot of blistering guitar riffs or anything that you really remembered and liked (or hated) about Linkin Park.

They’re different now, so deal with it.

Sometime in the distant future, when the world is overrun with strange creatures, thoughts are currency and humans are a thing of the past, I imagine some curious young slug/cat/robot/(enter future species here) will stumble upon some sort of 2010 time capsule, giving the futuristic society a glimpse of what we were like today.

Musically speaking, when they unearth that ancient relic of yesteryear, I hope they find a copy of The Sword’s new album Warp Riders, which was released this week. It is my hope that these future beings (Giant slugs? Dogs walking on two feet?) will be able to sift through the detritus of today’s “popular” music to find what we REALLY were (or should have been) listening to. This record, folks, is the answer to that question. Throw your bubblegum pop records and AutoTuned commercial jingle music into the trash bin and get your grubby mitts on this behemoth of a record right now.

The Sword, a heavy metal band out of Austin, Texas, have, on their previous two records, released collections of unbridled heathenry in the form of sludgy, Sabbath-esque aural assaults about things like Vikings, “HyperZephyrians”, wolves, wizards, and other such mystical creatures. They opened for Metallica on their 2008 US tour, and had a song (Freya, off of Age of Winters) featured in one of the Guitar Hero games.

With Warp Riders, though, The Sword has really honed in on rhythm and precision, something that I thought was lacking from their past records. Before, every song was a dark, densely-instrumented blast of crazy riffs and jarring vocals courtesy of singer/guitarist JD Cronise. This time around, though, the band changed things up a bit, and the result is much more focused on groove and tasty, crunchy guitar licks. What’s more, this album is a concept album. As the band states on their website,

Warp Riders tells the tale of Ereth, an archer banished from his tribe on the planet Acheron. A hardscrabble planet that has undergone a tidal lock, which has caused one side to be scorched by three suns, and the other enshrouded in perpetual darkness, it is the background for a tale of strife and fantasy, the battle between pure good and pure evil. How it’s told – through the dueling lead guitars of J.D. Cronise and Kyle Shutt, and the concussive rhythm section of bassist Bryan Ritchie and drummer Trivett Wingo – underscores the narrative with molten steel and unreal precision.

So yeah….a sci-fi concept album by a heavy metal band, complete with Star Wars-ish cover art. If that doesn’t get you in the mood, then I’m convinced you are just a jerk who can’t appreciate mind and soul-altering badassery of this quality. You can go back and listen to your watered-down bro-tastic Avenged Sevenfold records if you wish.

If you think Warp Riders is for you, then by all means dive in. I wouldn’t necessarily say you have to be familiar with The Sword already to dig this record; in fact, Cronise has said in interviews about this album that it will alienate a portion of the band’s pre-existing fanbase, due to its more groove-heavy approach.

That used to be a building behind them...then the riffs showed up

Personally, I say fuck ‘em if their jaws don’t drop, Tex Avery style, at what the band did with this album. Songs like the instrumental prologue Acheron/Unearthing the Orb set the mood for the following ten tracks, all with similarly nonsensical/amazing titles such as The Chronomancer I: Hubris, Astraea’s Dream, Night City, and epic album-closer (The Night and the Sky Cried) Tears of Fire. Behind the song titles are excellent heavy metal songs with blazing guitars and propulsive drums that are mixed to perfection. The band’s first two albums were generally fuzzier affairs, but this time around (thanks to the help of producer Matt Bayles, marking the first time the band has used an external producer on an album) everything is much more crisp and sonically pleasing.

I know there’s a big convoluted sci-fi story going on about Ereth and Chronomancers and things of that nature, but each time I listen to Warp Riders (and it’s been about four times thus far) I get more caught up in the blistering riffage and insanely thunderous rhythms on the songs than the actual lyrics. I’ll work on that.

Tres Brujas is the first “single” from the album, and it’s also going to be part of a music video trilogy from the album (with the other tracks being Lawless Land and Night City). Given the nature of the band’s songs themselves, I can only imagine how mind-bending a “music video trilogy” will be, especially given the fact that the songs are from a sci-fi concept album.

I haven’t really called out specific songs as “highlights”, because this is a concept album that really works as a whole. It’s also split into two halves, with both instrumental tracks (Acheron/Unearthing the Orb and Astraea’s Dream) beginning each half. All ten tracks meld together cohesively to form one brutally savage whole piece, and while a few of the tracks (such as Arrows in the Dark and the last track) can be considered among The Sword’s most impressive songs to date, this entire collection is really worthy of “highlight” status.

Most concept albums are scattered, or filled with extraneous nonsense to help push across the “story”, but Warp Riders is a complete, not overly long (the run time is 48 minutes) exercise that should help establish The Sword as one of the best heavy metal bands currently fighting the good fight every day.

Check this out if you like their other albums, but be warned that it’s decidedly different than their buzzy, sludgy older work. That said, if you dig bands like Priestess and Baroness you will probably (hopefully) like this as well.

I think I’ll find myself re-listening to this over and over, as it’s one of my favorite releases thus far this year. I wasn’t expecting that, but The Sword really blew the doors off my expectations.

On that fateful day in the future when the Lizard People excavate that 2010 time capsule, I really hope they find this album inside.

Inspired by one of the songs that appears here (and no, it’s not that god awful Papa Roach song), this week’s list is admittedly rather depressing. But there really is something to be said for songs that not only can pull you into environments where you really don’t want to be, but can convince you to let them as well – especially if you’ve ever experienced any of the material expressed here. As usual, feel free to add anything I may have left out. Now, on with the sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows…

The National – Conversation 16

"The fuck are you looking at?"

Easily the most recent song on the list, Conversation 16 details a man’s disenchantment with the married family life, and how it slowly descends into apathy. Probably the saddest part is where he starts bargaining, with lines like “I’ll try to be more romantic, I want to believe in everything you believe” and their less-than-believable delivery. That haunting, echo-slathered harmonization makes the song feel even more harrowing and hopeless… so much so, in fact, that the “I was afraid I’d eat your brains” sounds startlingly genuine!

Depeche Mode – Precious

With the humans oblivious, the trees made their move

It’s so impressive to see a band this old still churning out great singles like Precious. Dave Gahan’s soothing voice really drives home the sad haplessness of Martin Gore’s typically poetic lyrics, with that catchy and strangely danceable melancholy as only Depeche Mode can do it. The notion of children being caught in the middle of a taxing divorce is nothing new of course, but the take here is just so heartfelt and honest, accepting the blame and acknowledging that no, everything is not going to be alright.

Bad Religion – 21st Century (Digital Boy)

I'd hate to run into these guys in an alle-...oh wait

Now we go from torn, caring parents to the ones who throw gifts at their children rather than attention. A subject that could easily have rendered the song an exercise in empty self-pity, Greg Graffin handles guitarist Brett Gurewitz’s lyrics very well. There’s a real edge to his voice with the delivery, and the chorus is of such a fun, anthemic sing-a-long quality that it avoids any real heavy handedness.

Placebo – Black-Eyed

"...and he thought I was a girl! Can you believe that??"

A bit of a different approach here, Black-Eyed comes across more as a mocking of people who quickly use bad childhoods as an excuse for bad behavior. It’s quite clever too, what with how tragic and urgent the music feels, and it really makes the song all the more indicting. Placebo has always been one of those bands to get flak for receiving more attention from their image than their music, but as Black-Eyed shows, they’ve had more than their fair share of good ideas.

Billy Bragg – Valentine’s Day Is Over

Oh yeah, they look nice now, but...

The sadly forgotten 80s indie figure paints a rather bleak picture of a wonderful courting period culminating in spousal abuse here, with just a bluesy guitar and his passionate vocal. The way Bragg captures the female perspective in this song is unexpectedly insightful, particularly how it moves back and forth from listless musing over the failed relationship to the harsh reality of the situation. Very dark, but with a slight glimmer of hope.

Company Flow – Last Good Sleep

El-P: If you don't like black and white photography, FUCK YOU

Speaking of dark, Last Good Sleep could well be one of the most disturbingly realistic depictions of spousal abuse ever committed to tape. El-P grabs you right away with the chorus, “At night I cover my ears in tears, the man downstairs must’ve drank too many beers,” and along with that incredibly sinister beat, he makes it clear that this story won’t have much of a happy ending. The perspective is from a young boy who witnesses as some truly vicious beatings transpire, simultaneously terrified and guilt-ridden by the fact that he is as helpless as his battered mother.

Eminem – Kim

It was loaded alright... with HILARITY

Even though this is essentially an anger purging fantasy, this is probably the only song of its kind that can stand up to Last Good Sleep in how fucking scary it is. Those sharp, stabbing piano notes are so extreme that the song is unnerving even before Em shouts “Sit down you bitch, you move again and I’ll beat the shit out of you!” Kim is one of the most fearlessly personal I have ever heard, and it gets very uncomfortable listening to him portray himself as this wounded monster who’s snapped into a homicidal rage – which makes it all the more remarkable just how spellbinding it is.

Stabbing Westward – Sleep

The male answer to a pretty girl surrounded by funny looking friends

And now we get into the child abuse. One of the better bands to come out of the post-Nine Inch Nails industrial boom of the mid 90s, Stabbing Westward was never a stranger to darkly intimate subject matter, but it probably peaked with Sleep. Backed by a very tense blend of samples, keyboards, and guitars, vocalist Christopher Hall tells a story of a young girl suffering abuse at the hands of her father, with a level of vagueness that only serves to heighten its upsetting nature.

Korn – Daddy

I needed a laugh... this week's list is really getting depressing!

I couldn’t have been older than eleven or twelve when I heard this for the first time, and it freaked me the fuck out…. to tell you the truth, it still kind of does. It’s not even the brutally graphic depiction of the act that gets me so much as the equally detailed parental apathy, and then when the song falls apart along with Jonathan Davis toward its end, there’s just no not feeling for him.

De La Soul – Millie Pulled a Pistol on Santa

Scissors beats eye

Hip hop’s answer to Janie’s Got a Gun, by some of the genre’s earliest (and best) storytellers. There’s a very light foreboding to the song, cleverly splicing the in-the-moment obliviousness and after-the-fact hindsight that often accompanies a child’s sexual abuse. Despite the fact that the song culminates with the daughter snapping and killing the father, with an ending so abrupt that it almost startles, the beat is so gentle that the song never feels as grim as it should, and it works wonderfully.

Last week’s list reminded me just how overly fond I am of music from the 90s, so for this week I wanted to go over favorite tracks from the decade. But the more I went through my music… the more I realized what a fucking joke it would be to try slimming down that many favorites onto a list of ten. So to make it easier, I neglected the more obvious selections and decided to pick more unsung (ha-HA, see what I did there?) tunes that though less people know about, I think everybody should love as much as I do. As always, if you have any suggestions please feel free to add.

The Dismemberment Plan – Memory Machine

The band seconds before a tragic accident

A great example of what a wildly imaginative indie rock band the Dismemberment Plan was, Memory Machine combines clever time signatures with a nearly anthemic, poppy chorus. The beginning is almost awkward, sounding as if it had been meant for the middle of a completely different song, and then it’s followed by a quick barrage of guitars and keyboards before finally settling into the verse. Experimental and weird, but never alienating, and extremely catchy to boot.

Screeching Weasel – Slogans

Yeah, red pants. Got a problem with that?

Whatever pop chord progressions the Ramones, the Buzzcocks, and the Descendents may have missed, Screeching Weasel managed to pick up. It’s a shame the band never saw much popularity; this song’s parent album, My Brain Hurts, predates the mid-90s pop punk explosion by a good three years, was hugely influential to all of the bands involved, and arguably did it the best. Slogans, like the rest of My Brain Hurts, is fast, catchy, and loaded with genuine personality. Plus, I can’t think of any other time that “I don’t really give a shit” has ever sounded so cheerful…

I-F – Space Invaders Are Smoking Grass

"Oohh yeeahh take off that top"

Mumbled robotic vocals, well layered electronics, and a thick, hook-ridden collective of dirty synths make this one a great electro dance number, but really it’s all about that bass. The back end in this song is absolutely towering, and with as much as he throws on top, it never loses control of the song. This is in that rare breed of electronic dance music, where it’s actually good enough to be repetitive for six minutes without getting boring.

The Beatnuts – Watch Out Now

Now there's a good example for the children.

For the life of me, I don’t think I will ever understand how this didn’t become a monstrous hit. Oh wait it did, when Trackmasters and Cory Rooney all but stole the beat in 2002 for Jennifer Lopez’s Jenny from the Block. Ba-dum tsh. That addictive flute loop beat is great enough, but JuJu and Psycho Les are relentless over it; seamlessly switching between English and Spanish (which is not something I’m normally into), goofy shit talking, and a highly melodic chorus. Sooner or later, I’ll be at a party and hear this come on, and I’ll go fuckin’ apeshit.

God Lives Underwater – From Your Mouth

...we're fighting.

Toning down the industrial sound of their first album and incorporating more trip-hop influence resulted in a very hit-or-miss sophomore effort, but this song nearly made up for it all on its own. The unsettling synths and incessant scratching over that heavy beat go together beautifully. From Your Mouth manages to be catchy, intricate, and very chill all at once; if you’ve ever wondered what Depeche Mode might sound like with a bit of a hip-hop flavor to the music, check this out.

The Jesus Lizard – Boilermaker

Do you need assistance? I have three arms.

The opening track on their third album, Liar, Boilermaker‘s intensity gives the listener an idea of what the band’s notoriously chaotic live show might feel like. It wasn’t even just how crazy the music was; the songs were all tightly composed (especially here) and immediately engaging.  Right out of its gate, the guitar and snare are working in furious conjunction, while vocalist David Yow screams over it all like a madman. Best when enjoyed as loudly as possible.

Brainiac – Nothing Ever Changes

"BLOO-PEE-DOOOOOOH" "Shut. Up."

One of the most unique and insanely creative alternative rock bands to ever be so criminally slept on. In the thirteen years since vocalist Tim Taylor’s unfortunate demise, no band of this genre has come close to capturing their imagination, or handling their patented blend of punk, synth pop, and noise rock as well as they did. Brainiac had a spectacular way of taking wonderful melodies and deliberately fucking them up by playing them with odd sounding moog synths, bent guitar notes, and gleefully bizarre vocal treatments. A must-hear, even if only to think “…the hell is this?”

Prong – Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck

Tonight.... YOU

Tailor-made for metal dancefloors (yes, there is such a thing), Snap Your Fingers boasts a crunchy guitar hook that could possibly be the heaviest earworm ever written. It almost feels unnatural for something this crushing to be so immediate, but Tommy Victor and co. made it work. Dark and menacing with just enough pop sensibility, while groups like Pantera and Machine Head may have been given the groove metal tag, this was the real thing.

Fantastic Plastic Machine – Take Me to the Disco (FPM Original Mix)

Like if Mr. Cleaver was a DJ. And Japanese.

I am cheating a bit with this one, unless of course you judge the decade as 1991-2000 instead of 1990-1999. In any case, the trumpets and aggressive piano give this a very swinging start before the keyboards and female vocals come in, along with that trademark thumping beat that house is so.. er… known and loved for. Extremely cheesy, but never going over the top, and frankly it’s so bright and danceable that I doubt I’d care if it did.

The Tea Party – Army Ants

....we're a little confused

Mixing Nine Inch Nails and Led Zeppelin may not sound like the best idea, but on their fourth full-length, Transmission, the Canadian trio managed to pull it off with impressive style. The whole album has a great blend of eastern tinged hard rock with industrial sounding guitars and electronic effects, but they’re easily at their most aggressive on Army Ants. Jeff Martin switches between his much praised/criticized Jim Morrison-esque croon and an angry roar to great effect, with cleverly laced samples and excellent cymbal work propelling the song from behind him. A shame they didn’t stay with this style, it’s tempting to wonder where they could have taken it.

As was heavily reported the last couple of days, Slipknot‘s bassist Paul Gray was found dead in a hotel room in Urbandale, Iowa this past Monday. He was 38.

Gray had been one of the three members of the Grammy-winning metal band’s original lineup still in the band, along with drummer Joey Jordison and percussionist Shawn Crahan.

I shouldn’t have to tell you what a tremendous loss this is for the band, their fans, and the heavy metal community in its entirety. Slipknot has become one of the most successful bands of the genre over the past twelve or so years, and Gray’s passing is just devastating.

Gray onstage with Slipknot

When I first heard Slipknot’s debut self-titled record on Roadrunner Records, it was BY FAR the heaviest music I had ever heard (I was about 14 at the time). (Sic), the album’s pummeling first track, actually frightened me upon first listen, it was so brutal to my ears. From then on, I was a Slipknot fan, even buying some t-shirts in my high school days (but never really wearing them). I saw the band a few times, on the Pledge of Allegiance tour with System of a Down, as well as the first installment of the Rockstar Mayhem Festival. Each time, Slipknot, led by enigmatic lead singer/chaos bringer Corey Taylor, led a full-scale assault onstage, and Gray was there plugging away on the bass with precision.

As far as I know, the band hasn’t made any statements concerning if they will continue on in Gray’s absence, but as they’re on a break after the touring cycle for 2008′s All Hope is Gone, they probably aren’t in a hurry to think about doing anything just yet.

I have a feeling they will continue on in the future, just like how the Deftones have continued on during bassist Chi Cheng‘s coma.

I feel obligated to touch on something that has been bothering me about stories such as this. There have been an alarming amount of unexpected deaths in the news lately, including former Los Angeles Dodger pitcher Jose Lima (who died in his sleep at age 37 last Sunday), Brittany Murphy’s husband, and rock legend Ronnie James Dio. Gray’s death was just another shocking, saddening entry to that tally of recent memory.

It’s been noted that Gray had battled with drug addiction through the years, and I’ve noticed some people use that as a way to write off the tragic angle of his death, saying things such as “oh well, that’s what you get for doing drugs”, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason any drug-addicted musician doesn’t deserve the respect and honor of anyone discussing his or her untimely death. Yes, Bradley Nowell of Sublime was a heroin addict, but that’s no reason to dismiss him as unworthy of respect. Shannon Hoon of Blind Melon may have overdosed on cocaine, but that’s no reason to take away from his tremendous (and extremely underrated) talent.

Paul Gray’s death is sad, just as anyone who dies far before their time’s death is. His wife, who is expecting a child, now will have to raise the child without him.

As a Slipknot fan, my heart and condolences go out to the band and their friends and families, as this loss is truly a sad one for fans of the band, of metal, or of music in general.

R.I.P. Paul Gray.

Here’s a video from the De Moines Register in which the members of Slipknot (sans masks) pay their respects to Gray. It’s touching, sad, and powerful.

Last night, I ventured out to Redondo Beach to see a show. While it’s hardly surprising that I went to a concert, the ridiculous awesomeness of the show I witnessed was on a level all its own. Take the excitement and unbridled bliss that goes along with an Andrew W.K. show, add in some funny moose hats and giant Flintstone costumes, and it makes for quite an evening.

The show was Green Jelly and Psychostick, with support from a horrendous 2-piece death metal outfit that will remain nameless and a local rock band led by a dude who looked like Kid Rock. I went to the show specifically to see Psychostick, a hard rock/metal (or “humor-core”) band from Arizona whose songs are punch-you-in-the-face funny. Have you ever wanted to hear the alphabet done metal style? With a br00t4l breakdown in the middle? Yep, they got it. A slow-motion mosh pit? Si, senor. A band that starts a song and then stops playing but still mimes the motions of playing? Yeah, that too. In all, Psychostick wrapped more amazingness into about 35 minutes than I have ever really seen in concert.

I only heard of them a few months ago on a visit home to the Bay Area, as local high school radio station KVHS was playing this, a tune that basically reached out through the stereo and kicked me in the balls. The band is able to skewer all types of genres and styles, but not at the expense of quality, and definitely not with the same amount of cheese that someone like Weird Al Yankovic pours all over his songs. Psychostick’s two full-length albums, 2006’s We Couldn’t Think of a Title and 2009’s Sandwich, are both chock-full of skits, songs, and parodies of all sorts of angsty whiny mainstream rock clichés, and the results are, well, life-changing.

The song I heard on the radio, #1 Radio $ingle, in which lead singer/Guitar Hero axeman Rob “Rawrb” Kersey sings the clichés of modern rock hits is absolutely perfect. Just listen to it, don’t rely on my lamely-written accolades. They didn’t play it last night, but they made up for it with a hilarious cover of Drowning Pool’s Bodies in which Rawrb says I can only count to four. I can only count to four over and over. Check out my video of said song at the end of this review. I couldn’t stop laughing (and moshing). The rest of the band, Josh “Special J” Key (guitar), Alex Preiss (drums), and touring bassist Matty “Poolmoose” J, have their own roles to play in the on-stage shenanigans, and they do so with great skill.

Obey the Moose

Psychostick’s live show is exceptionally entertaining, as they have a great onstage routine down pat. The jokes between songs lead into the next song and there is no awkward silences; Rawrb is engaging and funny as hell. At one point the band fell asleep (during the end of the song Caffeine), and woke each other up slowly before launching into the end of the frantic song. Besides the songs I’ve mentioned, Psychostick played Scrotal Torment (about, well, itchy balls), BEER (one of their best songs), P is the Best Letter, and This is not a Song, it’s a Sandwich. There were probably others but it was too much fun to take notes. Oh, they also donned sunglasses and went into Danger Zone, the Top Gun theme….and oh yeah it was just as fun as you’d hope.

I bet Psychostick would make a great “serious” band, since their songs have great music and instrumentals, but they’re so good at what they do now, that any stylistic change would be a bad idea. There don’t seem to be very many other bands with similar styles anywhere near as talented or great as Psychostick, so they’re just fine as they are.

If you haven’t heard of Psychostick before, GET ON IT. Their two albums are some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever heard in my life. One of the last tracks on We Couldn’t Think of a Title is 373 Thank Yous, which is a normal band “thank you” list set to 15 minutes of skull-shattering riffs and drum fills, with Rawrb shouting people’s names instead of lyrics. It’s amazing (yeah, I know, I’ve used that word a lot thus far).

Joshy from Psychostick

The other bands were pretty entertaining as well, albeit for different reasons. The unnamed two-piece death metal group, in particular, was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever seen, UNLESS it was performance art, in which case it was great. I took notes on my phone of some of the stuff the dudes were saying, presented in list form right here:

“We’re not really sure what we’re doing, but we’re really drunk, so let’s go!”

“Who’s ready for some BLACK METALLL?”

“Alright we’re done. Thanks for stickin’ by our shitty set. Time for better bands to play.”

“I don’t really know how to play drums, you just smack ‘em around and get really drunk.”

“We hate the fuckin’ Bible…and we hate its fuckin’ words!!”

Oh, and did I mention that the drum kit had all broken cymbals that sounded like hitting cardboard boxes (similar to the Lars Ulrich effect from St. Anger, but worse)? Or that they placed three bibles or holy books of some kind on the stage, nailed together in some sort of protest of religion (I think)? I’d say this performance was high school talent show-bad. It was really….something.

Green Jelly's Cow God

Green Jelly, though, was pretty much as awesome as I had expected. I’ve only ever really heard the 3 Little Pigs song, but the show was flat-out insane. The singer guy came out dressed in a big cow costume, and he made us all get on our knees and repent for our sins (and pray to the Cow God). He repeatedly invited people onstage and gave them silly masks to wear, and changed wardrobes a few times, at one point wearing an elaborate ensemble that looked like George Clinton mixed with glow sticks and cereal boxes. It was strange.

everyone onstage

The songs were zany ridiculous numbers about a cereal killer (get it? ha) named Toucan the Son of Sam, the 3 little pigs, and a Flintstones-themed cover of the Sex Pistols’ Anarchy in the UK. It was all over in about 40 minutes, and by the end my face hurt from laughing and smiling.

um...yeah

In all, this show was one of the most fun shows I’ve ever been to. Green Jelly dude said they’re touring with GWAR in the fall (of course they are) and that they’re also on Warped Tour this summer. I can’t wait to see the lame emo kids at Warped getting all confused as a giant cow makes them get on their knees in worship.

I had gone to the show only expecting to enjoy Psychostick, and while they were even more entertaining than I had expected, the entire evening was a blast.

Again, if you haven’t heard of Psychostick, go to their website and buy stuff. Oh, and watch my videos from the show.

I leave you with some pictures from the night, as well.

PLUH!

Videos:

Psychostick  – ABCDeath

Psychostick – BEER

Psychostick – I Can Only Count to Four (Drowning Pool)

Psychostick – Danger Zone (Top Gun)

Green Jelly – Anarchy in the UK

Green Jelly – Three Little Pigs