Backstage is a dive bar, which hosts a slightly older crowd, located across the street from Sony studios at 10400 Culver Blvd. Culver City, CA 90232. You will find that everyone there is in their late 20s to late 30s. Definitely easy to pick up a random horny soul, as most the girls and guys are pretty DTF. My buddy Nick has been at this bar several times, and he labels it a “meat market”. I include Nick’s explanation for those wondering:

Backstage is a meat market. You know how you go to the meat market and you can pick any piece of meat you want? Well, if I want to fuck a random bar skank, I go to Backstage.

Outside of Backstage Bar

Being my first time at Backstage, I was a tad bit confused to start. We get there, wait outside for about 15 minutes, and get inside to a packed bar. Nick says of all the times he has been there, that was the only time he saw a line, but bear in mind it was a Friday night. Inside, I start looking around, scoping the place out and there are simply no attractive people. Everyone is pretty average – men and women – which I have never seen at a bar. Not really a bunch of ugly people, just a bunch of average, otherwise fly-under-the-radar type of people. Average looking people, I have found your chill spot. It is not something to be ashamed of – I am not exactly Johnny Attractive myself. It is merely the hand you were dealt, no biggie.

80s Music + Karaoke = Madness

They were running karaoke while we were there, which I normally do not see at a full-blown dive bar. There is a dance floor, which is pretty tiny, so many people were just dancing where they were standing. Since the bar is not all that large itself, you will always be submerged in the sound of the music. Another slightly out-of-place element is the photo booth in the back of the bar, which did not see any action while we were there. That being said, I am sure it has seen it’s fair share of average looking people trying to pose sexy, and coming up just short every time.

Photo Booth is Home to Many Lonely Stares

One of the waitresses explained to me that karaoke is only on Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. Wednesday nights is when they have live music, which I can only assume is a shitty local band, and judging by the music people were karaoke-ing to while we were there, it will more than likely be an 80′s cover band. Tuesday nights they call “regulars” nights, which means $2 dollar well drinks all night long; it also probably means a sea of average looking people getting absolutely shit house. Delicious.

As far as the music being all 80′s songs – it certainly fits the age range of the crowd – so it seemed to “flow” well, if you will. They offer a pretty full menu, for a dive bar, with various sandwiches, salads and entrees. I did not take advantage of the meal option, but many people ordered food while we were there, which leads me to believe that the food is either half-way decent, or at least bearable while you are blitzed.

Menu - Sandwiches, Salads & Entrees

Menu - Appetizers & Burgers

The really strange thing to me was the lack of attractive people – I cannot shake the fact that there was not a looker in the house – on a Friday night of all nights! Certainly if you are lonely, looking for a warm body, then you could easily take care of your needs at Backstage. But isn’t the point of picking up on people at a dive bar that you have some chance of scoring some puss (or cock) that is normally out-of-your-league?

Average Looking People Getting their Groove on

Truth be told, while we were there, there was one pretty girl I saw, but she ended up being one of the waitresses. If you are one of those guys that likes picking up on waitresses (the forbidden fruit!), then you probably have some decent odds of scratching that itch at Backstage, since it isn’t exactly stiff competition. My only other qualm about the bar, besides the average looking people, was that the music was too loud. I am admittedly not a big 80′s fan myself, so that might sway my opinion a bit.

Guess what? More Average Looking People!

All-in-all, Backstage is a decent dive bar which can get you laid with some average looking people. If you like 80′s music, karaoke, and do not mind partially screaming over the music all night, then you will have a blast. Believe me, there were plenty of people rocking the fuck out all over the bar.

Chimney Sweep Lounge is a fun and young locals dive bar, virtually hidden in a shopping center, located at 4354 Woodman Ave Sherman Oaks, CA 91423. In fact, I remember when I lived in the area, and had trouble finding it at first, but it was certainly worth the hunt. “The Sweep” as you will eventually call it, after going a few times, is the kind of place that if you dig it, you will turn into a regular. While my group of friends really likes Chimney Sweep, I can’t say it is for everyone, or even for every evening.

The Sweep has an authentic dive bar feel, that is mixed with a young, attractive crowd, good music, and stiff drinks. When you get there, notice the old time register they use, and the vests the bartenders wear. My main beef with Chimney Sweep, which is probably of no concern to the bar itself, is that it has gotten too popular for it’s size.

Their outside smoking patio is small, which makes it home to tons of random conversations, so long as there are not 20 people standing out there, because then it turns into a zoo. One annoying policy they have, that I have always had a gripe with, is that they do not allow any drinks on the patio after midnight. In my professional opinion (read: right out of my ass), I do not think this has anything to do with any city ordinances, but rather just a way to maintain a safe atmosphere as the evening (and binge drinking) continues to flow.

Who Needs Friends when you have Beer?

There is a really small staff, so try your best not to piss anyone off, since they will most likely see you again next time you come in. Not to say they are going to drop a deuce in your Guinness, but you might be waiting quite some time for that [Pulp Fiction]tasty beverage[/Pulp Fiction]. Rick is the main bartender, and he is not the friendliest guy in the world. That being said, I think he gets a bad wrap by some people who think that because he does not talk much, means he is an ass. Simply put, Rick does not want to deal with your shit; you treat him right, and you will not even notice any potential for a bad side.

When Life Gives you Lemonade, have Popcorn

Expect to see a lot of young San Fernando Valley kids, looking to have a good time, smoke a little crack (smoking crack is optional) and land themselves a warm body for the night. Occasionally you will see a cougar swing through, who will tell you she can show you the world like you have never seen it, but it is very much a 20-somethings dive bar. The trouble (and luxury) with the music is that it depends on the crowd, as the juke box is controlled by the bar-goers. That being said, rarely will you hear any music that makes you want to hurl, but sometimes you will hear some lame shit. It happens – just drink more (as they say, “Drink to forget”).

Flipping the Bird, Dr. Jonathan Style

The mixed drinks are affordable, and they have a wide selection of draft beer. But be mindful when you order some of the more exotic mixed drinks, as a Rum & Coke might run you five buck (the “s” intentionally omitted, of course) but an Irish Car Bomb will run you twelve buck. I think it is pretty clever that I referred to an ICB as an “exotic” drink – shows you how high class I am. One cool thing you will notice when you go deposit your beer, is that they have signs in the restrooms saying they will not be increasing their prices next year.

Old School Meets New Whores at Chimney Sweep

While there is a pool table, there is not a whole lot of room around the table, which makes it a bit inconvenient to play.

Rack 'Em Up, Ladies

For those of you that are awesome, I liken the pool table setting to the episode of Seinfeld where Frank and Kramer shoot pool in a cramped room. For those of you that are not quite that awesome, fear not, as a delicious YouTube-r has come to your rescue:

So let’s just say that if you are looking to do something beyond talking, drinking, or smoking on the patio, then you’d probably be better off with the electronic darts than the pool table.

Drunk People make the Best Baby Sitters

Chimney Sweep is very much a regulars dive bar, and you will get special treatment if the staff recognizes you. That being said, if you are not an asshole, you will still be taken care of. There is always a fun, attractive crowd, and you will usually strike up random conversations either at the bar, at the tables, or on the patio. For your first visit, I might recommend that you go on a slower night – say Tuesday or Wednesday – just so you can get a good feel for the bar, and the staff. Then when you come back on a busier night, you will already feel like a regular, and all the chicks will think you are the shit (note – author is not responsible for chicks not thinking you are the shit, sport).

As a special treat, I will clue you in on why we were at the Chimney Sweep this particular night. We went to celebrate the birthday of Dr. Jonathan C. Goodvibes, for his big 2-5. w00t w00t! It ended up being about 20 of us taking a big section of the tables. To give you an idea of the type of people to expect at the Sweep: there were two guys sitting at the lone table right next to our large group, that we did not secure, and they got up (of their own accord) and sat at the bar to give us more space. I thought that was a really cool gesture, and felt like sharing (go me!).

Here is a video I took of most of the people with our group (some cower in fear), trying to get everyone to do/say something sexy for the good doctor, on his night of nights. I realize it is dark, but give me a break – it is a dive bar: