WASHINGTON—Today, President Barack Obama announced that he is sponsoring Whores for Hope, an organization aimed at banging out a cure for cancer . “After we screw the economy back into place, healthcare will be the next thing we tackle. It’s not enough to open insurance up to everyone. We need to start an intercourse, so that we can find cures for the diseases that currently infect our great nation. Whores for Hope will see that the brightest minds of our time strip down and ram cancer until we have a cure.”

But what is this organization that promises to protect us from disease? Whores for Hope is a collection of celebrities who are willing to have

sex with the person who cures cancer. The theory behind Whores for Hope is as simple as it is brilliant. Nerds are socially awkward, sex obsessed, lazy, and incredibly intelligent. Without proper motivation, nerds are content to do easy jobs and play video games in their off time. But given the proper motivation, namely sex, a nerd is capable of astounding feats. Ask yourself this: Would you have paid more attention in science if it meant you could be doing it with Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley…at the same time? Whores for Hope provides this motivation by listing the people you could be fucking if you cured cancer, and the possibilities are endless.

Former President Bill Clinton had this to say:

There have been many moments of genius over the years, but Obama has certainly fired off one of the best. With his backing, Whores for Hope will undoubtedly explode into a powerful organization that will cure all our health problems. Cancer is just foreplay. There are a load of other problems that could also be blown.

The list isn’t limited to celebrities, though that is the main draw. “When Barack told me the plan, I had to ask him about allowing ordinary people to register,” said First Lady Michelle Obama. “What if a scientist really wanted to sleep with his high school crush? Or an ex-girlfriend? This is a country of the people, of the average American. I think they should be able to put out to help cure cancer if they want to.”

Whores for Hope does not limit itself to male scientists. It also supports women and homosexuals. All celebrities are asked to stand with the cause, and they have all signed a waiver saying that they will sleep with whoever cures cancer, male of female. Ben Affleck commented:

If we’re not willing to take it up the ass for cancer, then I don’t think we deserve the cure.

While most celebrities have shown support, a few notable ones have declined. On rejecting the offer to be the first female to sign with Whores for Hope, Angelina Jolie said, “I fuck Brad Pitt. Why would I have sex with a nerd?”

Perhaps the most surprising thing about Whores for Hope is the support it has received from the Republican party. While most Republicans don’t believe in having sex for any reason, most of them also have cancer. Even former President George W. Bush has given his support saying:

If you aren’t with Whores for Hope, then you’re with the terrorists.

We are at a crossroads in our nation’s history. Probably the biggest one since I’ve been alive and I can say with confidence that I’m excited. Now, don’t get the word excited confused with saying that all will be well. I just think that my eyes are open, and that the rest of my generation has begun to truly wake up from this slumber, to realize how much our elders screwed a few things up for us to fix. But don’t get that statement twisted either, because I appreciate every day that I live, and the sacrifices of those made before us, but regardless of your political affiliation, you know that something awry in the good ol US.

Today, in case you were sleeping under a rock for the last few months, was the inauguration of the 44^th President of the United States of America. My main man, and international bad-ass, Barack Obama (I just got a correction cue in Microsoft Word on that name; bet your ass you’ll see that corrected in Windows 7). As for my thoughts on Barack Obama, as with any presidential candidate and winner, I look first on their facial expressions and the way they carry themselves. People have praised our new President with the way he speaks, and the fact that he has changed history, and that he is so well connected to his country through modern technology. But I think that what I like the most about this man, is that he keeps reminding us that this is a sobering time. It’s time for us to be vigilant as Americans, and stop “fuffing about”, as my Aussie friend Jessica would say.

He shows all of this in his facial expressions, that he is ecstatic, but somber. I stayed home from work today, just to watch the festivities. If you didn’t or did, but with a different eye, look and see what he’s doing when everyone else is laughing and partying. Most of the time, I felt like he is trying to say “Yes this is all grand. This pedestal I’ve been placed on, but we have work to do”. He knows he has come a long way, but more importantly, that he has MUCH farther to go than anyone really anticipates. He knows that the honeymoon will end eventually; and that when the dust settles he will be already off running towards the next goal.

I feel like I can relate to him (besides being such a handsome black man), in the fact that even in the face of much excitement, still being able to keep grounded and focused. I have looked a great deal of immensely proportioned situations in my life in the face, but been able to retain my resolve. I don’t know how I do it, and he probably doesn’t either. But the point is that we know that it someone has to do it.

I won’t even begin to start into the issue of the negative terms that he has been called, but I will say this next line, only because it has been repeated to me over the last eight years: If you really don’t like the way things are going in our country, then kindly get the fuck out of it. Everyone is a critic, and yes, we are quite aware that no president can give every promise to the people, but you have to read between the lines and see the person for what they truly stand for.

In a nutshell, I think that it’s time we “dust ourselves off” and become “ready to lead again” like our president asks of us. Being an African American myself, I am personally proud of our achievement, but I am still keeping my eyes on the prize, because at the end of the day, I’ll still have to be on the grind to get mine.

Barack Obama is not a superhero, he is simply what I wish all Americans to consider normal; a member of the most stalwart nation on the planet.

We the best!

~Flak

The title of this article says it all. My reason for it will come later.

I am offended, disgusted really, that it even needs saying, let alone that it needs to be said as many times as it already has, so I can’t begin to fathom how Barack Obama must feel, but here it is:

BARACK OBAMA USED A BIBLE WHEN HE WAS SWORN INTO OFFICE…

I repeat, BARACK OBAMA WAS NOT SWORN IN WITH A KORAN…

and because 3rd time’s the charm, BARACK OBAMA WAS SWORN INTO THE UNITED STATES SENATE WITH HIS HAND ON A BIBLE, NOT ON A KORAN.

It was in fact, his own Bible! The photo:

And just in case you missed it…

Now let’s hear it in Barack’s own words:

also, BARACK OBAMA IS NOT A MUSLIM

I believe the name you are looking for is Keith Ellison, the Representative from Minnesota. Keith Ellison? Check! Muslim? Check! Sworn in on the Koran? Check! And it was Thomas Jefferson’s Koran? Check! Check? Check!

The contradictions and hypocrisy of the right wing are astonishing. How can you criticize Barack Obama for his Christian Reverend’s statements and yet still call him a Muslim? You’re talking out of both sides of your mouth. So which is it? Because you can’t have it both ways.

Don’t believe me? Fair enough, I didn’t think you would anyway. Unlike the mudslingers, I’m listing my sources, first and foremost – Factcheck.org. An excerpt of their Mission Statement:

We are a nonpartisan, nonprofit “consumer advocate” for voters that aims to reduce the level of deception and confusion in U.S. politics. We monitor the factual accuracy of what is said by major U.S. political players in the form of TV ads, debates, speeches, interviews and news releases. Our goal is to apply the best practices of both journalism and scholarship, and to increase public knowledge and understanding.

That’s right, nonpartisan. No political affiliation. They will and do call “bullshit!” on members of all parties.

Another source…yes, I checked in multiple places, was Politifact.com, a contemporary of Factcheck.org.

The Obama/Koran Myth was also proven flase in the Washington Post, as well as being debunked on rumor killing website Snopes.com.

The problem is that non-partisanship is an abstract notion to those already inclined to believe the hate mongers perpetrating these profound falsehoods. As a result these people refuse to seek out the truth and in turn remain ignorant to the facts.

There’s no honest mistake that was made here. There’s not a misunderstanding, or misreading of the facts. These are blatant and outright lies.

These lies would be equivalent to me claiming that the reason John McCain was held captive in Vietnam is because he was caught flaying and roasting still living native infants.

That’s a pretty inflammatory remark wouldn’t you agree?

What these Obama rumors do are no different. They pander to the fears of these, here I suffer repetition and sacrifice originality to the god of conciseness, they pander to the fears of these, once again, ignorant citizens.

Now it all comes full circle see, I am related to several of these ignoramuses. The leader of their tribe is my Uncle Ralph+. It all came to a boil last night at Yom Kippur dinner, the breaking of the fast. A tradition reserved from remembering those no longer with us while dually welcoming in the Jewish New Year.

It had been simmering for about a week now ever since he learned that my brother Jeff has shown his support for Barack Obama by affixing a bumper sticker to the back of his whip, that’s car to you. Appalled, Uncle Ralph continually pledged to tear the bumper sticker off.

Well, dinner was at Uncle Ralph’s house, which Jeff drove his ride to, again that’s car to you. So Uncle Ralph proclaims at the dinner table “aha Jeffrey, so you drove here. I’ll go pull that sticker off your car now,” and on and on and on it went.

I think one of the fundamental differences between liberals and conservatives, and mind you I’m a liberal, so I’m more that likely biased, but one of the fundamental differences between liberals and conservatives is a liberal’s reluctance to speak on a topic they’re not certain about. Conservatives have no such qualms about truth or facts. This is in large part the reason for the mainly one-sided, right towards left, mudslinging.

When Uncle Ralph, for the umpteenth time in the past week stated, as fact mind you, that Barack Obama had been sworn in with a Koran, neither I, nor Jeff protested. We simply didn’t know for sure. We didn’t think it was true, and we both knew about his Christian Pastor, but we, or at least I was giving my Uncle Ralph the benefit of the doubt and did not assume he was a bald faced liar. Though Uncle Ralph’s proclamation, in an attempt to defend his love affair with our current Commander in Chief, that he didn’t care how much less his house was now worth, nor did he care how much money he’d lost in the stock market under the watchful eye of Dubya, should have tipped me off to his duplicitousness.

Suffice it to say, the night erupted in cross-table yelling and partisan defense, with Uncle Ralph coming nowhere near close to matching wits with yours truly. And it escalated to me exercising my only option, short of telling Uncle Ralph to shut the fuck up, of getting up and walking out.

But this, this right here, this article you’re reading is where it ended. I came home and searched out the truth. Did Barack Obama really get sworn in on the Koran? OF FUCKING COURSE HE DID NOT!

I just felt I had to do my small part in setting the record straight. I only wish the Koran Myth was the worst of the allegations and assertion’s tossed around by my family last night.

It ends as it began…

*sigh

- Lenny

+names have been changed to protect the ignorant

The first and only Vice Presidential Debate between Democrat Joe Biden and Republican Sarah Palin, unsurprisingly garnered a lot more “hype”, if you will, than the first Presidential Debate one week prior. I’ll be taking on the task of getting behind that hype.
 

Foreign Policy? Let me just find my Alaska state map...

 
It only stands to reason that America at large would be interested in this Debate, as it pitted the bat-shit crazy and mind-numbingly inexperienced Sarah Palin against the highly, some might say overly, qualified Joe Biden. But without a doubt, my adjectives need defining. I’ll keep it simple, just in case there are any Palin supporters reading this…

When I said ‘bat-shit crazy’ I was referring to Governor Sarah Palin’s unflinching belief in creationism, and when I called her ‘mind-numbingly inexperienced,’ well, her own claim that her Foreign Policy experience comes from Alaska’s close proximity to Russia, is testament to that. She doesn’t know Iraq from, well, from her rack.

And when I called Senator Joe Biden ‘highly qualified’ I was referring to his nearly 40 years of public service, as well as his sponsorship of countless Senate Bills.

I think the following video succinctly summarizes how the Debate went, again, for you Palin supporters, Joe  Biden’s behind the wheel:

If only it had gone that well for Palin. To use that old bon mot: it was a battle of wits and she came unarmed.

Full disclosure time: I am a registered Independent who will be voting for Obama/Biden on November 4th. And I was also originally going to title this post: “V.P. Debate, i.e. How Chiefly Incompetent Sarah Palin is as a Leader and as a Human Being in General”.

Sarah Palin has no business being the Vice President of a Girl Scout Troop, let alone the Vice President of the United States of America. Tina Fey, the former Saturday Night Live head writer and perennial Sarah Palin impersonator would make for a better running mate.

Anyone who watched the Debate saw in Sarah Palin a nervous candidate supremely out of her element, like a third grader mistakenly placed in a sixth grade math class. I would say she looked like a deer caught in headlights, save for the fact that she didn’t possess half the poise or composure of the deer in the video above. And now I’m just being plain inflammatory. Tough Shit.

Joe Biden’s answers were thoughtful, articulate, and detailed. Conversely Sarah Palin’s answers were muddled, disjointed, confounding, incompetent, full of party rhetoric, buzz words and talking points, and generally off-topic. Here is just one of countless examples. This one, on the topic of whether a troop surge like the one used in Iraq would work in Afghanistan, in response to Biden’s statement that the Commanding General in Afghanistan himself said it would not work:

Well, first, McClellan did not say definitively the surge principles would not work in Afghanistan. Certainly, accounting for different conditions in that different country and conditions are certainly different.

I’m not touching the implication that she thinks recently former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan is now the Commanding General in Afghanistan. I will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she merely misspoke, despite repeating it a second time. However, WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK is she talking about?! Did her needle skip? I will say this though, I’m glad she kept mentioning Alaska being an energy producing state, because it didn’t really sink in for me until about the seventeenth time I heard it.

Sarah Palin is a Maverick you betcha, she’s a Washington Outsider gosh golly. And oh gee, if she isn’t just your regular average everyday hockey mom. With all those “you betcha’s, oh gee’s, and gosh golly’s” I felt like I was watching an audition tape for the movie Fargo. Why was she channeling Frances McDormand? Can anybody help me out here? Does she think it’s endearing? It’s not.

You Betcha!

 

Why, and since when, is being the everywoman a qualification for political office? Sarah Palin brags about being the everywoman. She wears it as a badge of honor. Well let’s think back a little…George Bush, Dubya, is the everyman, the guy you want to have a beer with, and look where that’s gotten us.

Why are people in this country so afraid of intellectuals? Why is not only the idea of an intellectual, but even the very word a taboo? When it comes to President, I want the smartest person available to run this country, not the most likable. Which isn’t to say that Obama and Biden aren’t likable, it’s to say that they needn’t be. I want someone who understands and grasps the intricacies of the Office. I want a World Leader that’s better than all the other World Leaders. I want someone that can govern this country both diplomatically and militarily. I don’t want the global equivalent of a schoolyard bully. We’ve had eight years of that, and I’ve had my fill.

So why did John McCain select Sarah Palin as his Vice President? That’s easy: he wanted women voters. But here’s the rub Johnny boy, women voters want candidates concerned with women’s issues. While logic would dictate that with Sarah Palin being a women and all, she would be one such candidate. Her track record however, speaks to the contrary. 

As reported in USA Today, while Sarah Palin was Mayor of Wasilla, rape victims were charged for the cost of evidence gathering rape kits. Let me be clear, unlike the right-wing media (I’m looking at you O’Reilly, not at you O’Biden), I’m not spinning the facts to suit my argument. I don’t mean that rape victims were charged for these rape kits through taxes or some such, right along with non-rape victims. I mean that after a woman was raped and had the tenacity to get herself to a hospital, let the doctors use a rape kit on her, for the purpose of gathering evidence for the police and district attorney to identify and convict the perpetrator, this woman was then handed a bill. Or in the cases where her insurance company was billed, she had to pay the deductible. How’s that for supporting women’s issues?

And let’s say that one of these rapes resulted in a pregnancy, gosh gee, isn’t that just too bad since Sarah Palin is adamantly opposed to abortion. John McCain would have been better off selecting Joe Biden if he truly wanted a running mate that supported women’s issues. Biden authored and passed the Violence Against Women Act, a strong piece of anti-domestic violence legislation. And this, from that same USA Today article I previously mentioned:

Nationally, victims’ advocates have for years reported scattered instances of rape victims being required to pay for their forensic tests, says Ilse Knecht of the National Center for Victims of Crime in Washington. Those complaints have subsided somewhat after Congress in 2005 passed a law requiring states to provide rape exams free of charge or reimburse victims for the costs, says Knecht, whose group supported the provision.

“The reason we passed the legislation was that we saw it was prevalent enough to be a pretty considerable problem,” Knecht says. “There are no other victims of crime that end up being billed for evidence collection.”

The Senate version of the legislation that included the rape-exam provision was sponsored by Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, the Democratic vice presidential nominee. Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama was one of 58 co-sponsors; Republican presidential nominee John McCain was not.

In conclusion, a large reason why we vote for who we vote for whether it be Democrat or Republican, is a belief in their decision making capabilities. By selecting Sarah Palin as his running mate, John McCain has shown the world that his decision making capabilities are at worst non-existent, and at best highly questionable. John McCain is no spring chicken, and quite frankly, there is a very real possibility that he might not survive his first term if elected. Thus we must ask ourselves, would we want Sarah “Hockey Mom” Palin running the country? I sure wouldn’t. On the other hand, Barack Obama’s selection of Joe Biden has to be lauded. Joe Biden is without question as suited to the task of the Presidency as Barack Obama. Take another look at the Debate. Biden even looked Presidential, whereas Sarah Palin looked like she accidentally wandered onstage while looking for the ladies room. Biden is a person I want having the ear of the President, unlike Palin, who’s greatest accomplishment will be advising McCain on which is the best snow “machine” to buy.

- Lenny