Let’s talk about marriage. Marriage is an idea that people are quickly becoming disenchanted with. As more and more people believe that it is okay to get divorced, they stop wanting to be married. It loses meaning if you can get out of it. But people still want sex, and so not only do they not get married, but they become increasingly promiscuous. Or worse, they develop ideas like polyamory, so that they can share their love (sex organs) with others and still be married. Within 100 years, we will be a nation of sluts. I am not pleased with this idea. As always, I have the solution.
New Marriage Divorce Form
In order to stop the world from descending into the Second Circle of Hell, we need a response. That response is New Marriage. New Marriage is kind of like old marriage, and by old marriage I mean Biblical marriage. And by that I mean if you commit adultery or divorce, you get shot. In the head. With bullets. And not love bullets. Bullets that cause death. Or set on fire. Or electrocuted. Or ya know. Something to that effect.
By invoking New Marriage, we can restore the sanctity of marriage. People will once again have to think about what they are doing before they make a lifelong commitment, and with technology (camera phones, video tape, etc) it will be very easy to prove when someone is cheating on someone else. And no, polyamory is not okay in New Marriage. It’s a one to one relationship. If you don’t like that, don’t get New Married.
Ceremonies aren't necessary, but I like rings.
New Marriage will solve many problems. For one, girls (or guys) who marry for money will have to be committed to that relationship for the rest of their lives. There is no remarrying after death in New Marriage. There is no having sex with other people after your partner dies in New Marriage. You are committed for your life time. Secondly, we’re going to open New Marriage up to all people. That includes same-sex New Marriage. There’s no reason anyone shouldn’t be able to put their life on the line to show that they care about someone, regardless of sexual orientation. Finally, New Marriage will restore meaning to an dying institution. We very much need marriage to be sacred. It’s the culmination of the highest of our emotions. It is the most of ourselves that we can share with another, and in its current state you may as well just give someone a rose. It’ll wither almost as quickly.
And for old marriage? It hardly matters what you do with it. Keep for people who are borderline committed, but think they might divorce someday. New Marriage will be for those who are willing to risk everything to show their love. I think that’s how it should be.
Comments
The most ludicrous thing about this idea is that the solution you recommend is sure to achieve that which you wish to avoid – if a bullet were waiting when someone needed to exist a hopelessly bad marriage, only a fool would take a chance and get married at all. Clearly there is no guarantee to happiness in marriage, as divorce statistics well illustrate. I couldn’t think of a better way to kill marriage than what you propose.
People change. Circumstances, even the world change. And with all that, needs sometimes change. No one wants to be trapped in a marriage that lacks love, is unfulfilling, or even worse, has become unhealthy.
“Or worse, they develop ideas like polyamory, so that they can share their love (sex organs) with others and still be married.”
Polyamory, also known as responsible non-monogamy, is no more about sex to its practitioners than monogamy is about sex. Polyamorists like sex, but so do monogamists, the truth of which is born out if by no other way than by referencing statistics on extramarital affairs. And having more than one committed, sexually-intimate partnership does not equal unbridled promiscuity. True, polyamorists tend by intention to have a healthy, positive attitude toward sexuality, and they are much more committed to practicing safer sex, particularly with a new partner, than the average, run-of-the-mill married cheater. It’s a cultural value for we polyamorists and a big part of the responsibility that goes along with the concept of responsible non-monogamy, where people behave openly, honestly and respectfully toward each other and toward each other’s partners. Married cheaters can hardly make the same claims. And bullets or no, a significant portion of married monogamists cheat and will continue to do so, always have according to renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher.
That’s the point though. Marriage shouldn’t be an institution that can dissolved just because you change. You should choose the person that you will love forever, through richer and poorer, through sickness and health, until death does you part. If you have relationship problems, work them out.
Yes, you will be unhappy at times. Probably, even completely depressed. I fail to see how this is unusual or a bad thing really. It’s part of life and a struggle that you should work through. Not something that you say, “Well, this sucks. That’s all for me now.”
As for the polyamory thing. Honestly, that’s a whole different subject. I do have one question though, that I would really like answered. Why do polyamorists say that polyamory isn’t about sex. How is it different from really close friendships if not for the sex? And if that’s the only difference, then isn’t it ENTIRELY about sex? I guess that’s three questions.
a friend told me about this nice page, eh!