The Five Trashiest Alyssa Milano Movies Ever Made

Published on December 19th, 2013

Sure, she’s known primarily for Charmed and, if you’re of a certain age, Who’s the Boss?, but don’t forget about Alyssa Milano’s robust film career. If we’re being bluntly honest, most Alyssa Milano movies are trashy. But, in honor of her birthday, we’ve weaned it down to the top five.

The 90s version of how a slut dresses.

The 90s version of how a slut dresses.

5) Fear: We all know Fear for its infamous roller coaster fingering scene and “Nicole 4eva” skin etching, but who could forget Nicole’s best friend Margo Masse (quite possibly the most unattractive name ever)? She was the slutty foil to Nicole’s good girl persona, and she made redemption look so easy.

KGB + Xmas = Family Channel

KGB + Xmas = Family Channel

4) Candles in the Dark: The title alone indicates a certain level of triteness, and, what do you know? It’s a Christmas movie involving Milano’s character being hunted by the KGB.

The 50s does not a staid plot make

The 50s does not a staid plot make

3) Confessions of a Sorority Girl: Rita Summers (a great drag name) is subjected to the psychotic ways of Sabrina Masterson (Jamie Luner) in this film taking place in the 1950s. Although one might associate the 50s with a certain level of class, Confessions of a Sorority Girl shatters that notion with its abortions, threats and blackmails, suicide attempts and Sabrina’s attempt to kill Rita and her boyfriend, Mort, in a fire.

No words.

No words.

2) Poison Ivy II: Even Drew Barrymore knew better than to touch this sequel.

A cover with a brilliant level of cheese.

A cover with a brilliant level of cheese.

1) Embrace the Vampire: All vampire movies have a tendency toward sexuality and eroticism, and Embrace the Vampire is no exception. As Charlotte Wells, Milano plays the pure virgin subject to the corruption of a vampire (played by Martin Kemp, whoever that is). The overt themes of good versus evil, giving in to temptation, etc. are all displayed with marked banality.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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