Well, does he?!
It is with glee and hard-ons that BehindtheHype heard Chuck Norris would run for President of Texas, if the state ever decided to secede from the union. If you didn’t hear the news, you can check it out at Glenn Beck’s radio show, where Norris (President Norris – nice ring to it, no?) said he may need to run for president of Texas. There is no telling whether or not Norris was being serious or comical – since he is the only human in the history of the world to display all human emotion simultaneously – but BTH decided to prepare you in the event he runs and is elected.
Here is the list we compiled of the changes to Texas, the world, and our galaxy, should Chuck Norris decide to run for President of Texas:
- As President, Chuck Norris will make his Chun Kuk Do the official religion of Texas, the Desert Eagle .50 it’s official bird, and his beard the official flower.President Chuck Norris made it his first order of business to rid Texas of all crime by looping the opening credits of Walker, Texas Ranger on all TV stations. He then kicked the rest of the states back to England.
- President Norris doesn’t mind that Texas is only full of steers and queers, confident that the queers will convert after seeing him in Lone Wold McQuade.
- As President of Texas, Chuck Norris will assume control of the beleaguered Houston Texans NFL franchise and rename the team to the Houston Dropkicks. Losses will be legally punishable by death. By dropkick.
- President Chuck Norris will halt all crude oil operations in Texas; instead he will rely on solar power, which he squeezes out of the Sun after applying a vicious headlock.
- The Lone Star state had to change it’s nickname because all the stars in the universe came to Texas to support Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris was only President for a minute – that’s all the time it took before he was elected King of Earth.
- To solve the economic crisis in Texas, President Norris sent each Texan a strand of his own hair.
- President Norris decided to not sever all ties to the US, by keeping the USD as currency with one minor change: the line “In God We Trust” will be officially changed to “In Chuck We Trust Or Else“.
- Rather than the traditional inaugural speech, after President Norris was sworn in he used his fists to rewrite history, showing that the Confederacy won the Civil War.
Chuck Norris > Jesus
If you have any of your own predictions of what will come when (I tried writing if, but my keyboard did not allow me to in that sentence) Chuck Norris becomes President of Texas, please let us know below.
September 1st, 2009 at 8:53 am
that is bull crap. way to far
October 12th, 2009 at 10:43 am
chuck is god no doubt i am his desciple
November 9th, 2009 at 9:21 am
chuck norris touched me
November 22nd, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Heres the Texas pledge of allegiance.
I pledge Allegiance to the flag,
Of Texas,
And to the republic for which it stands,
One nation,
Under Chuck Norris,
With Liberty,
And Roundhouse Kicks for all.
January 15th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
fuck u all niggers stink mexicans steal and chuck norris owns
January 17th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
CHUCK NORRIS SAID :It’s funny. It’s cute. But here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: it’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.
By the way, without Him, I don’t have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things — and so can you. I like It!!!
February 10th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Aw, that’s so predictable… Taht would’ve been better:
“Hesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris swims through the ground.”
February 12th, 2010 at 9:56 am
well this is just all crap….the people that actually have heard of chuck norris is dwindling faster than you can make him popular again.
February 17th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
DEAR MR. NORRIS,
I’LL BE IN ITALY, TEXAS ON APRIL FIFTH TO VISIT MONOLITHIC DOME’S FACILITY, THEY ARE NUCLEAR AND HURRICANE PROOF. FOR MORE INFOMATION CONTACT HOMELAND SECURITY AT MT, WEATHER VA. I’LLBE INVITING KATRINA AND THE WAVES TO KICK OFF FUND RAISING IN NEW ORLEANS ALSO. BY THE WAY, THE NAVAJO INDIAN TRIBE WHOSE CIPHER THE JAPANESE COULD NOT BREAK,IN TERRITORY THAT MCCLAIN AND HIS BUSINESS PARTNERS CURRENTLY ARE PRACTISING GENOCIDE, HAVE SEVERAL SACRED DOMES CONSTRUCTED.HERE IN NEW YORK,RESIDENTS OF THE EAST END OF SUFFOLK COUNTY HAD A REFERENDUM TO FORM PECONIC COUNTY IN 1997. HI HO SILVER IN THE STATE GOVERNMENT HAS PIKED IT.AS THE SHINNECOCK TRIBE GAINS FEDERAL RECOGNITION SO SHALL PECONIC COUNTY. HOW ABOUT STATEHOOD FOR LONG ISLAND WHILE WE ARE AT IT. LIVE LONG\AND PROSPER.
February 19th, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Ty pojebany debilu, Chuck Norris może i chodził po tobie a nie po Jezusie. Żeby cię szlag trafił, z tymi twoimi ateistycznymi demotami. Pierdol się