Some people desire respect and crave to fit in socially. Other people are just assholes. It used to be hard to tell which side of the line you were on, but no longer! The internet has come to save us.

Are you an asshole?

Yes, you are.

A newly developed website, AreYouAnAsshole.com is just the moral compass we’ve all been looking for. In the spirit of  FMyLife and TextsFromLastNight, AreYouAnAsshole is a place where you can tell a story and ask the world, “Am I An Asshole?” You just might be.

How does it compare?

Some unnamed president

This might be the best website ever developed for many reasons. While the other user-submitted sites have ratings, they don’t hold the same social condemnation as AYAA. When 90% of all people reading your story tell you that you are an asshole, you know it’s true. It is my opinion that in years to come, this site will be used to solve not only the problems of individuals, but those of global entities. Someday, a former president might post:

In reaction to a terrorist threat, I attempted to deprive my constituents of all their freedoms with the Patriot Act, and then proceeded to run them into an economic depression. AIAA?

Problems?

Unfortunately, the website isn’t perfect. For starters, the site’s colors hurt my eyes pretty badly. Secondly,  the site name is a little off. “Are you an asshole” isn’t really the question. The question is “Am I an Asshole?” It has a different feel. What I expect to see from AYAA is:

You tried to fuck friend in the ass and dumped her when she wouldn’t let you. AYAA?

Instead, the question is asked from the personal side, and given the website name, that’s weird. It is truly a shame that amianasshole.com is a porn site. Finally, I find that the rating categories are lacking. You can either say that someone is an asshole or an average joe. There needs to be at least two more categories: “No, that’s just funny.” and “Yes, but that’s hilarious.” After all, everyone knows a funny asshole isn’t really an asshole at all.

Overall, I hope this website goes far. Not only do I like telling people that they’re assholes, but I now have a method to prove to other people that I’m not being one.

The interwebs have provided us with many brilliant things. Hulu lets us watch television at any time. Pandora lets us listen to music specified to our tastes. Tvtropes and the Urban Dictionary give us an education. The best part is, all of these things are free. Video game entertainment has not been left out of the mix. With websites like Neopets and Newgrounds, endless enjoyment is just a click away. But why do that when you can Kongregate.

What is Kongregate?

Flash game Heaven

Kongregate (http://www.kongregate.com) is a website that houses Flash games. Flash games have become increasingly popular over time. They’re quick to beat, they’re simple to learn, they’re fun, and there’s thousands of them. While most of these games are single player, some have been adapted for multiplayer use. Having a website with lots of Flash games is in no way unique, and it is highly doubtful that Kongregate did it first. The difference is all in the implementation.

Differences

Most Flash game websites simply provide links to play Flash games. Kongregate, on the other hand, does exactly what it says. It brings people together with astounding communication tools. To start, they have one of the best forum sections. You can find information about any game, and there’s a link to guides for every game.  Forums let you whine about a game, learn to play better, or just talk about how you would’ve made the game if you knew how to code. Second, there’s a chat box in every game. No matter what you’re playing, you can talk to other members of the Kongregation. It sits to the right hand side of every game. There’s also a comments section right under each of the games, where people tend to post useful information about difficult levels and strategies or links to guides to help you out. Finally, there’s badges.

Badges

Need. More. Badges.

Oh, yes. There’s badges. Much like Xbox achievement points, Kongregate has developed a system of badges. There are four types of badges (easy, medium, hard, and impossible) with different point values given for their difficulty. And what do these points do? Like any good video game, these points level you up. Your Kongregate account keeps track of all the points, and when you get enough of them, you gain a level. Much like the Xbox Gamerscore, Kongregate levels aren’t related to any specific game. This means every time you level up in Kongregate, you become a better person and also stronger in real life.

Other Cool things

Mmmm loot

For the anti-social, you never have to chat with anyone. You never have to post on the forums, and you never have to comment. I spend my time staring at the requirements for the next badge. Developers will occasionally post forum messages asking how they could improve their game before releasing a sequel. This gives the player a tiny bit of influence on the games themselves, which makes for a better gaming experience. Kongregate also has its own card game, Kongai, and there are weekly challenges to acquire cards to play, adding yet another game inside the game that is Kongregate. Along with these challenges, sometimes there are contests to win free video game swag. All in all, not a bad deal for playing games. If you’re a game developer, you can also get cash by making a top rated game.

Negatives

Not all of the games have badges, and you’ll find yourself avoiding otherwise good games because they don’t provide you with points. You’ll also find yourself playing terrible games just because they have badges. If you  do talk to the people, you’ll find that they can be annoying. That’s not really Kongregate’s fault though.

So, if you’re ever bored and want an endless supply of video games to play that will addict you like no other website I’ve ever seen, come play on Kongregate.

I’ve never been too into porn. Maybe it has to something to do with my irrational fear of penises, which developed soon after Red Man that Could scarred my brain when he gave me my first gay porn starring the very talented Cody Cummings.

Aside from the sporadic Hotel Erotica or Cathouse episode, my exposure to adult cinema has been fairly lackluster. Additionally, I’ve never gotten into it– maybe it’s because I’m not ultra fond of watching ugly naked people go at it. Just not my cup of tea– I guess.

That is– until now. Turns out I do enjoy me some voyeurism, but reading about it, only. Maybe it’s a terrible side of effect of all that book learnin’ I did in my youth.

Ashley and me details the salacious affairs of a married man with graphically meticulous play by plays — deliciously sinful literary porn if you will.  Think Danielle Steel meets Dave Sedaris meets hard core sex. It’s like nothing I’ve ever read before, and it’s pretty freaking amazing.

Riff Dog is the adulterous star and “me” of Ashley and Me, who blogs his lascivious trysts with the various women he meets on AshleyMadison.com.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ashley Madison (AM) (like I was), it is a co-ed dating (or affair, if you want to get technical) service for those who are married or in relationships. The clever tag line reads: Life is Short, Have an Affair. This service, which essentially advocates adultery, has been berated on numerous television and news programs for trying to destroy relationships and families. See a clip here.

CEO Noel Biderman denies any wrong doing, and insists that the site is totally legal and legitimate.  In fact, in a recent interview, he claims that adultery can save a monogamous relationship. Nearly 4 million members worldwide seem to agree.

Membership to AM is free and you basically pay for upgrades, such as virtual gifts (think Facebook gifts), personalized messages, and premium memberships.

Riff Dog, a premium member, describes himself as a 6’5, handsome, athletic, white professional in his 40′s.  Married with children, he paints a sob story of how his wife is ill and how he would never leave her for any of his other girlfriends.  Clearly, he’s quite the gentleman.

What is so addicting about Ashley and Me are not only Riff Dog’s numerous sexcapades, which read as easily as an X-rated version of Twilight, but the Dog is actually a really talented writer.  Even when he’s not describing wet hot sex, his humor, charm, and wit really come alive in his entries.  You feel like you’re right there with him as he’s making some girl climax for the tenth time.  It’s strangely surreal, and gross, but still kinda cool. Additionally, his self critical jabs– he readily admits to being a dog– somehow makes him seem more human, likable, and forgivable.

Not that I condone adultery or anything. In fact, I wouldn’t hesitate to go Lorena Bobbit on a boyfriend should he decide to join AM one day.

Oh yeah, and apparently, he is quite talented in the bedroom, or pool table as well:

She puts her arms around me. As I suck her tongue into my mouth. My fingers making their way once again into her hair. Pulling her head back again. So I can kiss her neck now. I open my mouth against the front of her neck and slide my lips up and down it.

Her moan is different now. Lower pitched. This is her spot. I keep sliding my lips up and down her neck, but a little harder. More moans. I grab her hair a little tighter. And keep sliding my lips on her neck.

While my other hand reaches down to the hem of her dress. I pull it up with my thumb. And put my hand on the inside of her thigh. Then up. Until my index finger is just to the edge of her panties. And already making it’s way under. She’s already so wet. I run the tips of my fingers between her pussy lips. Up and back. So, soooo wet.

Then in one motion, I push my middle finger deep inside her, all at once. “Oh, God!” she gasps.

Breathe. Yes. That just happened, and there’s more here.

A convenient sidebar organizes Riff Dog’s affairs into chronological chapters, so new fans can get up to date easily.  Users are also invited to comment on posts– surprisingly, he has a strong female fan base as well.

In fact, Riff Dog’s latest conquest, Gabriela, was an avid blog fan, before she joined AM and met the Casanova in person for a NC-17 rated lunch date. Here’s a taste:

Gabriela now turns towards me, no longer worried about any passers by. She starts unbuttoning my pants. Looking so focused. And succeeds in “freeing me.”

I’m not sure how good an idea this is. There are no tablecloths in this restaurant. We’re pretty “out in the open” should anyone else walk past.

Naturally, as an investigative journalist, I felt compelled to delve deeper into Riff Dog’s dogly persona and try to find him myself. After signing up for AM with my own secret identity, I set myself up to find this literary sex god lover… for research purposes only, of course!

Based on the physical description he gives about himself on the site, the feat has proved rather difficult.  There are thousands of over 40, white, and professional cheaters over 6 feet tall in Los Angeles alone.

But I’m not the only one searching for a lover. After I set up my profile, which basically reveals nothing about me except that I’m 5’7 and live in the Valley (both of which aren’t exactly true), I get 7 winks (which are kinda like pokes from Facebook), get added to 2 favorite lists, and receive messages from 10 interested users. I don’t even have a picture up.

This is after I’ve been a member for less 24 hours.  Turns out that Riff Dog isn’t the only dog in town. Apparently anonymous sex with strangers is still a guy’s favorite past time.

I suspect it will take me a while (if ever) to learn the true identity of Riff Dog. In the meantime, we’ll just have to wait and read.

My lazy ass has finally gotten around to hanging up my Polish movie posters. If you haven’t heard of these, then you are in for a treat, because any movie fan will understand the awesomeness I am about to show off. The owner of Polish Poster, Krzysztof Marcinkiewicz, was prompt with my emails, a pleasant guy all around, and the posters came right on time with the most packaging I’ve ever seen – which is clutch, since these are traveling a little over 5,000 miles. Here is some information I received from Krzysztof:

I am adding individual posters quite often – it is either restocking of posters
which are sold out, or adding new posters. I always guarantee that shipping cost you pay with me will be the lowest ever from Poland to USA. I do perfect packaging and always charge just the shipping I have to pay at the post office. There is virtually no other dealer in Europe who offers lower shipping rates for shipping posters to USA.

My photos definitely don’t do the posters any justice, but you can also see them on the site, Polish Poster; either way, they look amazing in person. So without further ado…

The Big Lebowski Polish Movie Poster

Pulp Fiction Polish Movie Poster

Raging Bull Polish Movie Poster

A Clockwork Orange Polish Movie Poster

Citizen Kane Polish Movie Poster

Reservoir Dogs Polish Movie Poster

If you want to pick up your own Polish movie posters, here is ordering information:

Enjoy!

Welcome to a time when most good news comes in the form of other people’s bad news.

I cannot explain why it seems human nature takes such immense pleasure from other people’s misfortunes, except that I am 100% guilty of it. In the vein of F-mylife.com and other sites that are vehicles for public ranting and embarrassment, welcome KissandDish.com, a confession website that focuses strictly on romance and dating.

Posts are conveniently grouped into different categories: hookups, finding love, good dates, bad dates, advice, and more love related nonsense. Kiss and Dish is still relatively new, so there isn’t a whole lot of content yet, but there is a dedicated community committed to helping this site grow daily.

Now for my confession: I don’t like this site. AT ALL.

I really wanted to too. I’ve heard such good things about it, but I just couldn’t get into it.  For starters, the stories are way too long. They read a lot like rambling from high school diaries, and while that was really profound back in junior year, nowadays, I just want to laugh and get to the point fast. None of this listlessly going on for a hundred pages talking about your math homework and the color of trees. In fact, most of the confessions read like the essays I used to write when I was doped up on mushrooms. Not my finest work.

Secondly, the confessions aren’t all that interesting. They remind me a little of those embarrassing moment sections from teen magazines, except not as good. I filtered through ten stories looking for one to post here that might be noteworthy, but alas, I couldn’t. I’m sure there were a few diamonds in the rough, but I eventually gave up. I think I would have had better luck finding WMDs in Iraq. A bit of advice: add a “best of” section.

The best and only part of the website that I could actually get through was the about the authors page. I like reading people’s profiles–a habit cultivated by many years of Facebook and Myspace stalking. I liked hers:

Personally, I still prefer Fmylife for short and sweet confessions and horrific moments.  Perhaps, I also feel that my love-scapades cause enough trauma in my life– I don’t need to suffer through anyone else’s.

Kiss and Dish does, however, link to two of my new favorite websites: Manslations.com and Hookingupsmart.com.  Manslations is for girls who are constantly on the impossible quest of deciphering male behavior, while Hooking Up Smart dispenses practical guidance, love, and advice from a former ho, who’s settled down into ho-maker.  Both these sites are about a thousand times funnier, wittier, and well written than Kiss and Dish.

(Sorry to dish out tough love.)