I was told months ago about The Rebel Bingo Club for the first time by BTH’s Flak after I saw the disco ball addition to his home. When I was invited to come shoot the hilarity, I jumped at the chance for the possibility of a disco ball of my very own or at least to get the photos of someone else winning something as random and fantastic.

I finally made it out this time to the rebel bingo where people dance, draw on each other, dress like Alex DeLarge of The Clockwork Orange and party in what can only be described as the love child of the electric daisy carnival and a strangely sexy bingo club.

Walking around the two rooms and outdoor area of the venue, I was greeted by people painted in marker and by then end my arms were covered and for about a day and a half, still said “HI!” in bright purple marker. Thank you Rebel Bingo! I may have my newest tattoo design in the works.

When asked how many people came to her last party, the grand prize winner shyly answered “just six”. Moments later she was given the grand prize, a old school boom box, and a room filled with about six hundred new friends. I hope, and am sure, that her next party will be a much greater success!

Started in the basement of a church in London by a couple of event promoters, the party has come to Los Angeles and has gained  a well deserved following. Why wouldn’t it? Basically it’s dressing up to play an innocent game your grandmother plays, but with sexy hosts, while drinking, dancing, and finding yourself surrounded by the fantastic characters I captured in the photos below. (of course with a big smile and a double thumbs up by our very own Flak) I think nights like these are what we all meant when we said we never wanted to grow up.

Photos by Ohio (Tamea Agle) www.photobytamea.com

Till next time,

~Ohio

See you at the shows!

Anyone who has been watching the news will be aware of two things: Jerry Brown called Meg Whitman a whore, and if you call any woman a whore, including a woman who has sold her “services” for money, you are calling every woman a whore. According to Meg Whitman, all women are whores at heart, but this thought process astounds me, especially when we consider a very important point: men can be whores too. You’d think given the newest scandal, Meg Whitman would know this best.

What you probably haven’t heard is that Meg Whitman was caught with an illegal immigrant whore. Of course, Meg Whitman is a key proponent of deporting all illegals, except for the ones that she is using. But, this time it gets better. Not only has she recently been caught with English football (soccer for the Americans) star, David Beckham, but her history of using illegal immigrants as prostitutes ranges a long way back, with the first being Barack Obama. Don’t believe me? It makes perfect sense.

The story begins with the birth of the future president in his native country, Kenya. Since Obama’s birth certificate has yet to be found, we know for a fact that he is not American. Unfortunately for his future Kenyan political career, Obama’s parents claimed that he was American. He was swiftly deported from Kenya to live on the harsh streets of Hawaii, where he was forced to attend the most prestigious schools. ACORN, of course, provided him with the fake documentation to continue to live in America, in exchange for his continued democratic vote.

Anyway, Obama manages to fight off the trials of school and meets Meg Whitman. Meg Whitman, who is a trillionaire, wanted some of the future president’s …epic(pe)ness. Unbeknownst to future Republican candidate Carl Paladino, Michelle was Obama’s pimp, and Obama was the whore.  Role reversal. Whatever. In any case, this was the first instance of Whitman employing an illegal immigrant and the reason she should know that men can be whores. 

Does this story have any truth in it? How did the magic bullet hit JFK? With voter apathy at an all time low, let’s be realistic. The people these stories appeal to don’t even vote.

Gamers everywhere are outraged as the United States government bans Starcraft II (SC2), the much-anticipated sequel to Starcraft. One of the most beloved real time strategy games of all time, Starcraft has had extreme success since its original release in 1998. Since then, gamers have been awaiting Starcraft II, which was scheduled to release on July 27, 2010. However, given the current economic crisis, Washington decided that it would be improper to allow the release of what could possibly be a World of Warcraft (WoW) killer. World of Warcraft, is of course, the most popular Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG) in the world.

People have been waiting 12 years for this game.

Blizzard Entertainment is known for producing the highest quality games, and is considered the only company that can release a game that might destroy the World of Warcraft. Oddly enough, they are also the creator of WoW, which leads to some interesting economic questions. Since Blizzard will be raking in money for either SC2 or WoW, why is it a big deal that they are potentially killing one of their games with the release of another? In short, it comes down to subscription fees. With 11.5 million players paying $15/month to play, the World of Warcraft has a stronger economy than most countries in the actual world, and that’s before you get into micro-payments. Starcraft II will not have subscription fees (in the United States).

The number of subscribers to WoW grows over time since there is nothing else that even remotely competes with it. Thus far, there has been no MMO that has come close to challenging WoW’s complete dominance over the market, and that is a good thing for the economy. You see, many websites are dedicated to WoW, either by providing news, strategies to defeat bosses or players, or selling in game items (illegal, but profitable). If WoW were to die, so would all these websites. This would result in the unemployment of many Americans and the collapse of the Chinese economy, which gets much of its GDP from selling gold to players.

Even South Park profited from WoW.

You might think that this isn’t a problem, because SC2 is not an MMO and thus wouldn’t take away WoW’s subscriber base. Of course, you would be wrong. The demographic for both games is the same, mostly fat, balding men between the ages of 20 and 50. Most of them are also tired of WoW after five years, but they currently have no better option. SC2 will provide them with the escape they are all looking for.

Which brings us back to the beginning. Despite the government’s flaws, they are very good at deeming things to be “too big to fail”, and WoW is the first game to ever achieve this designation. A chief advisor to the president had this to say,

We know it’s ridiculous that a video game has gotten this powerful, but it’s a simple numbers game. World of Warcraft generates more money than Rhode Island and Iowa combined, and thus cannot be allowed to die. As Starcraft II will cause irreparable damage to the World of Warcraft, we have deemed it to be in the best interests of the country to postpone the release of Starcraft II indefinitely.

Glee - Some Show on Fox you don't Watch

The executive producers of the Fox show, Glee have begun a nationwide casting search to fill new high school student roles that will be added to the show’s second season. Auditions are open to professionals and amateurs age 16 and older.

All that being said, if you have 15 seconds of your life to spare, please vote for my buddy Anthony – merely login to your (now outdated, I’m sure) MySpace account, and click Give a Gold Star.

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=7181206

I realize this is a shameless plug, but I also realize I don’t give a flying fuck.

THANKS!

I’m late on this one. I apologize. There’s a day called Denim Day. On this day, people wear jeans to raise awareness and educate the public about rape and sexual assault. This event began after an Italian Supreme Court judge ruled that a girl, who said she was raped, was not raped because she wore tight jeans. You see, a guy can’t remove a girl’s tight jeans on his own, thus she must have helped. If she helped, the sex was consensual. This upset people and Denim Day is designed to remind people that the judge may have suffered brain injuries at some point. Let me start by saying, I agree with Denim Day in principle.

Denim Day Logo

Conceptually, though, I think Denim Day has a major failing. The failing (which should be obvious) is that you’re only thinking about it one day per year. Instead, I suggest “Don’t Rape People Year.” This is an event that lasts the entire year. It starts on January 1^st and ends on December 31^st. It happens every year. During this event, people are reminded that they shouldn’t rape people or otherwise sexually assault anyone. While one day might work for Holidays such as Easter or Hanukkah, I think it is insufficient for not raping people. Even Yoga has a full month (September).

Now, I know what you’re thinking. By designating a single day, you bring specific awareness to the day, whereas if you have a whole month, people forget about it midway.  I’d like to suggest that thinking about not raping people for half a year, is still better than just one day. Do you agree? You should.

While not raping people is a great thing, I’d like to make a related point. Dear women, please do not claim to be raped when you have not been raped. This is an extremely important point, because cases with moron judges probably would happen a lot less if the judge could believe you. Instead, you lying whores have ruined rape cases for everyone who has actually been raped. Please recall the woman who was videotaped directing her own gangbang, who later claimed to have been raped. Hint: she wasn’t.

As this year’s Denim Day comes to a close, we begin Don’t Rape People Year. Seriously. Don’t rape people. It’s not cool.

Seriously, don't rape people.

Actress Sandra Bullock is putting the positive back in HIV by giving husband Jesse James the gift that keeps on giving…AIDS! The 45 year old Academy Award winner is proving an inspiration to women everywhere by showing that revenge is a dish best served with a side of sexual transmitted disease. After all, what better way to say “you shouldn’t have cheated on me” than by turning your adulterous partner’s penis into a biological weapon?

Sandra Bullock: A face only an idiot would cheat on

Jesse James, best known for his role as Sandra Bullock’s husband, was recently caught having multiple affairs. Much like Tiger Woods, but without any of the charm, James failed to realize that there could be any repercussions to his actions. Little did he know, the Hollywood superstar would find a way to teach him a lesson he won’t ever forget.

While most women would sit in a corner and cry about their husband’s infidelity, Sandra Bullock has proven that there is a better way to deal with the situation. Sacrificing her clean bill of health for the good of all, Bullock sought out a proper way to deter women from sleeping with her husband. The answer was simple: inject herself with a needle dirtier than the sluts James slept with, get HIV, and share it with her husband.

An idiot: Jesse James

Sandra’s will is truly remarkable. Not many people would be willing to acquire a deadly disease or sleep with their cheating husband one final time. Bullock, however, proves what we’ve known about her all along…that she is righteous. Reports have surfaced stating that she plans on taking a break from acting to focus on teaching women how to do the right thing when their man is a cheating bastard. When BTH asked the beautiful visionary her views on spreading HIV to two-timing whores, she only had this to say:

“What we are doing here will be the change that everyone wants to see. Not only will men be reluctant to cheat on women if they know that they will get AIDS when they are found out, but women will be reluctant to spread their legs for cheaters knowing that they could get AIDS themselves. If every time a man cheats on his wife, two women (the wife and the treacherous trollop) acquire AIDS, eventually no one will cheat, or there will be no one left at all.”

Welcome to Valentine’s Day. It’s a day when couples are forced to quantify their love for each other through extravagant presents and freaky sexual favors. It’s a day when singles realize that no one loves them, or that they don’t love anyone. It’s a day that celebrates a massacre and an orgy. How cool is that?

Love is dead.

People are often depressed when Valentine’s Day comes around, whether they’re single or not. My guess is that it is because people just don’t understand how good they have it. They worry that they’ll look bad in the eyes of their lover if they don’t put forth enough monetary value into their gifts. They worry that they’ll have to give in and do anal. They also think on their relationship wonder if it’s worth keeping despite all its flaws.

What people don’t realize is that the Valentine’s Day is about exchange, and it is far superior to the Valentine’s traditions of the olden days. Our forefathers must have suffered through this holiday, knowing that they would not receive sex unless they were married. Our foremothers would have only received crappy cards instead of jewelry. How sad that must have been for everyone involved, especially when you consider that most women would agree that getting a pearl necklace is worth…getting a pearl necklace.

Pearl Necklace is not a Google safe search.

It comes down to one of the lesser spoken facts of life. Weird sex is really awesome. Because of this, prostitution is really awesome. Men and women want to have weird sex, but need excuses to succumb to their internal lust. Valentine’s Day provides this excuse. Think about what kind of weird sex you want to have this year. Get a present equal to the value of what a high-end prostitute would charge for that weird sex, and give it to your loved one. I’m pretty sure it’s a law that s/he’ll have to do it after that.

So, stop hating Valentine’s Day.  Instead, remember that on this day, you can have whatever kind of sex you want with the person you love the most, for a price. After all, it’s not about love. It’s about value.

The United States of America is supposed to be the best at everything, but we still fail at so much. One of our largest failures has been in health care. American health care is almost as much of a joke as American education. Since Congress is filled with rich people who never have to worry about health care, it isn’t surprising that they’ll argue about it nonstop. In the meantime, I’ve already come up with the perfect solution.

Freeee

Let’s start with an exercise in logic. If the best things in life are free and health care is one of the best things in life, then health care should be free.  It seems obvious that any citizen in the best country in the world should have access to necessary medical treatments. After all, the Declaration of Independence tells us that we have the right to life. Without good health care, your life ends a lot quicker. It seems to follow that the first step to good health care is to make it free.

Insurance Companies

There are two problems with free health care. The first is insurance companies. Republicans care more about insurance companies than poor people’s health. Sure, a lot of people will lose their jobs if insurance companies all go out of business, but there’s a solution to that. After we’ve made health care free, we’ll no longer need insurance companies. What we will need is people to administer the government program for free health care. The unemployed people from the insurance companies can all get jobs administering government health care.

Doctors

The second problem with free health care is paying off doctors. We’ll solve this in three ways. First, education for doctors will be free. If you want to work in health care, you don’t have to pay for the college. This will save future doctors lots of money and simultaneously increase the amount of people who will want to become doctors.  Second, we’ll pay them a reasonable amount of money per year. Yes, taxes will go up, but considering that no other country pays as much in health care as Americans, there will still be a net gain to income. Lastly, doctors will again become prestigious. People will trust them since they won’t give treatments just to get insurance pay outs. Which means they’ll be able to bang anyone they want. Just like the good old days.

See? A perfect solution. Everyone will get free health care, employment will go up, and doctors will become trustworthy once again. Plus, there will always be plastic surgery for doctors who want to make money by screwing their patients.

With Black Friday coming up, I am here to help you prepare for any possible incidents that may occur. Or prepare you to cause any possible incidents. With that in mind, I bring you part 2 in our ongoing series of 5 Ways to Die entitled, 5 Ways to Die on Black Friday.

This day sucks.

Black Friday is a special day in every psychopath’s life when greed and savings overpower common sense and good will towards man.  It is on this day that a disease infects people and tells them to shop. As the virus spreads, they forget how to be human. It’s similar to zombie viruses, except people move much faster. The bloodlust remains, and brain eating on Black Friday has been reported by very reliable sources. Since everyone knows many of the normal ways to die on Black Friday, we will focus on the ways to die that you might not be familiar with.

Poisoned

The dangers of Black Friday can begin before you even get to the store. Consider a situation where you and your friend have decided that you want to buy the same item. If everything goes well, you both will be able to get it and so you decide to go together. However, during the sleepless night, your friend decides that she wants to add a little insurance to the acquisition. She brings you coffee to start the morning, knowing that you will need energy. What she doesn’t tell you is that the coffee is poisoned. Since coffee already tastes like poison, you don’t even notice until you get to the store, at which point you fall over and die. How to avoid: Don’t drink the coffee.

Credit Card Wrist Slitting

The Credit Card Wrist Slitting (CCWS) is an old trick that is often used by prostitutes, ninjas, and other assassins. High security places will always check for standard weaponry, but they will almost never take away your credit cards. Thus, a good assassin is able to slice through a man’s wrists with a credit card. The CCWS is often used during times of distress during Black Friday, when a person is next in line behind someone with the item they wanted to purchase. Side note: it is traditional that if a person wakes up late for Black Friday that they kill themselves by CCWS. How to avoid: Watch for anyone brandishing their credit cards and wake up on time.

Handbag Beheading

Seriously. Who sells this stuff?

Unlike the CCWS, the Handbag Beheading often occurs unintentionally. While it is common that when a person gets upset they will swing their handbag, the actual beheading part is pretty rare. But, have you seen some of these new purses? It’s like they were invented to chop off people’s heads. In any case,  elderly women are often the aggressors in situations where a Handbag Beheading occurs. How to avoid: Stay away from old people with metal purses.

Belt or Tie Noose

While most Black Friday casualties are caused by women, men can also get into the fun. The most common method of male caused Black Friday Fatalities is the Tie Noose. This will normally take you by surprise when you are getting the last of something. You’ll be inspecting your treasure, and then out of nowhere, there will be a tie around your neck. And while a tie normally goes around your neck, they normally do not attempt to strangle you to death. If there is not a tie around, a belt is a fitting substitute. How to avoid: This is difficult since it will normally come from behind. As a general rule, beware of anyone who wears a tie the day after Thanksgiving.  The belt noose, however, is completely inconspicuous.

Car Crash

Oh sure, car crashes happen all the time, and it’s not specific to Black Friday in any way. But the normal kind of car crash isn’t what we’re talking about. Any smart person knows that it’s completely impossible to secure what you want on Black Friday. To combat this, an industrious person will have prepared a tank to secure the loot. The last thing you will see is a tank’s turret as it comes crashing through the walls. When the treads finally run you over, you will find out if there is life after death. How to avoid: You can’t avoid it. It’s a freaking tank.

This is, as always, just a partial list of the more obscure ways to die. You could always get trampled to death, eaten by starving children, get lost in the mazelike mall corridors, or shot by the police after a failed attempt at a handbag assassination. If you still decide to shop on Black Friday,  I wish you the best of luck.

Historians will tell you that Thanksgiving began when a group of travelers from England met up with a group of Indians and decided to have a meal. Actually, I doubt any historian would say it in those exact words, but that would be the gist of their story. The Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast, which was a common tradition among many Native Americans. The point of this was to show a spirit of friendship and cooperation between the two groups. You’ve all heard this story, of course. While that is true, the real reasons behind the colonization of America and the first Thanksgiving have been lost over time.

Delicious Bird

What most people don’t know is that the Thanksgiving tradition was planned before the colonists ever made it to America. You see, the colonists came from England in search of turkey. The King of England had heard rumors of a bird that is most delicious when combined with gravy and mashed potatoes, but none were to be found in Europe. To solve this grave injustice, he sent out explorers to uncharted lands in search of this wondrous bird. England’s domination of the world was in large part due to its search for the turkey.

Eventually, the explorers arrived at America and met the Indians/Native Americans/whatever you want to call them. They realized that the Indians had a bird that was most delicious and decided that they would try their best to be friends. Of course, the Indians did not want to share their delicious bird with just anyone, and it was not until the last Thursday of November, during the harvest feast, that the colonists managed to taste a bite of turkey. That bite changed the world forever.

After realizing just how delicious the turkey was, the colonists decided that they didn’t need England to survive. After all, they could just sell turkeys to Europe and make massive amounts of cash. They decided to form their own country, which they called the United States of America. They knew that, through the power of the turkey, they would be a superpower. The first president was known as the Prime Turkey Eater, and the world domination spread from there.

Even Bush pardoned the bird.

As a gift to England, or perhaps just to show off, the first Prime Turkey Eater sent a single bird back to the Motherland. While Presidents no longer send turkeys back to England, this was the start of the tradition of pardoning one turkey every year. And so, on the last Thursday of November, let us all remember what we are thankful for. In case you haven’t figured out it, we’re all thankful that turkey is delicious.