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So I know that my mother always told me that it’s not good to talk shit instead of saying something positive… I know I have the wording wrong in that somewhere, but whatever. Tonight’s review is of the 51st Grammy Awards. Shall we?

The Grammy’s usually don’t interest me (which is weird being a music columnist), but this year had a lot of my favorite artists. But this isn’t really about them as much as it’s about my least favorite artist. I’m of course talking about the Grammy bandit of the evening, Robert Plant and his apparently mute partner in crime Alison Krauss.

Grammy Awards Show

Now before you even start, yes I am very aware that Robert Plant was the lead singer of Led Zeppelin. But you also need to realize something. Led Zeppelin, shit, not even Jimmy Page had shit to do with this album. Furthermore, understand that Alison Krauss is a bluegrass singer, which, if I’m not mistaken doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense to me; to be a pair with Plant.

But if I can be real for a moment my friends, it’s not even Robert Plant that bothers me (wait, no…it is), but the way that he somehow stole four Grammy’s the other night. The one I’m the most pissed about being Album of the Year. I would have accepted even Coldplay on this one. Yes Coldplay, you were awesome, but your album wasn’t good enough to win all those Grammys either. But I digress.

Back to this collaboration. People keep telling me that this one (Plant and Krauss) was like mixing peanut butter and bananas; not what we are used to, but still amazing. Listen, first off, I’m allergic to bananas. Second, it wasn’t so much peanut butter and bananas, as much as it was peanut butter and dog shit. Put that in your sandwich.

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Then you have T-Bone Bennett, who looks like Crispin Glover from Back to the Future on meth (which personally offends me, as I love that series). Get a haircut and take off those stupid glasses you idiot. When this asshole came onstage, he thought he was so clever with his simple lines. But I won’t even hold that against him, because of Plant.

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Plant was so arrogant, that the first few times they went up to receive awards, he didn’t even let Allison speak. Robert Plant even had the balls to take so long on the speech for winning that the producers had to play the “get the hell off the stage” music, negating the chance for anyone else to get a word in.

Now before you Led fans get all upset with me, this is the Robert Plant that in 2007 after doing a two hour reunion show with his old bandmates, declined $200 million to tour again with the band. The reason you ask? Well after responding like an asshole numerous times, one quote stood out. It was that he didn’t want to “tour like a bunch of old men following The Rolling Stones around.” I don’t get it. You’re a piece of work Plant. Prick.

/rant

Okay, now on to the positive sides of the Grammys. Below are what I think were the best parts of the night:

Performances:

Let me say that all the performances were pretty damn good (minus Plant of course). I never thought that The Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder could be on stage together, but somehow it worked. Even Katy Perry did a decent job as well. Carrie Underwood I never really had an appreciation for, but she blew me away with her performance.

Surprisingly though, Lil Wayne and them wasn’t my favorite of the night, and neither was Justin Timberlake and T.I. But it was Radiohead and the USC band. This is because half the time I was thinking how insane it must have been to get that to work correctly in tune with the song. Perfect.

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Awards:

I felt the following awards were very appropriate:

Rap Album- Lil Wayne The Carter III (But I’ll admit, I love Lupe Fiasco’s The Cool more)

New Artist- Adele

R&B Album- Jennifer Hudson Jennifer Hudson

Rap Performance Solo- Lil Wayne A Milli

Rap/Sung Collaboration- Estelle and Kanye West American Boy

Hard Rock Performance- The Mars Volta Wax Simulacra

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Bonus:

Chris Brown was a highlight with his arrest over beating down Rihanna. He deserved it already for dissing Timbaland so long ago. Justice served.

Overall, it was very fun to watch, and I’ll obviously feel more nostalgic as the year progresses and I hear the music in other places. Yeah, I feel a little weird being so negative in a music related review, but hey, Plant deserved it.

At least I ended with a positive note though. If, you didn’t catch the first airing, I’m sure you can see another screening somewhere on TV or the interwebs. It’s worth the watch for sure. Till next time friends.

~Flak