I don't hate watch very many shows. In fact, Girls might be the only one. And every time I endure another episode, I ask myself: What am I doing this all for? I wonder if I'm masochistic enough to watch the impending third season after all that Lena Duham has tarnished for me. Five items of which you can read below. It's forced comedic banter like this that makes me sometimes feel like I'm watching Full House.

5) Jewel: Can I ever listen to “Hands” again? No. It just reminds me of her and that accursed scene from Season One where she's listening to it in her car.

http://youtu.be/AfsS3pIDBfw

4) Kanye West and Daft Punk: I am forever haunted by Marnie’s acapella version of "Harder, Better, Faster Stronger."

http://youtu.be/68cmKBbE_gc

3) Q-tips: I have post-traumatic stress syndrome from watching Dunham penetrate too far past the ear drum.

http://youtu.be/uqIXqIOx-Fw

2) Donald Glover: Why’d you do it Childish Gambino? Why? We all know you would never have sex with Lena Dunham in real life.

As if.

1) Greenpoint, Williamsburg and surrounding Brooklyn areas: Now, everything is tainted with her presence—from Spoonbill and Sugartown to Café Grumpy.

Contaminating Spoonbill and Sugartown.

With the advent of Season Three, there will invariably be a plethora of other cringe-worthy elements to torment my existence. If this is the Sex and the City of the current generation, I want desperately to return to a former era--even if it means Giuliani as mayor. Or perhaps I should just settle on The Carrie Diaries as some sort of solution to my need for female-centric programming.