I've never been too into porn. Maybe it has to something to do with my irrational fear of penises, which developed soon after Red Man that Could scarred my brain when he gave me my first gay porn starring the very talented Cody Cummings.

Aside from the sporadic Hotel Erotica or Cathouse episode, my exposure to adult cinema has been fairly lackluster. Additionally, I've never gotten into it-- maybe it's because I'm not ultra fond of watching ugly naked people go at it. Just not my cup of tea-- I guess.

That is-- until now. Turns out I do enjoy me some voyeurism, but reading about it, only. Maybe it's a terrible side of effect of all that book learnin' I did in my youth.

Ashley and me details the salacious affairs of a married man with graphically meticulous play by plays -- deliciously sinful literary porn if you will.  Think Danielle Steel meets Dave Sedaris meets hard core sex. It's like nothing I've ever read before, and it's pretty freaking amazing.

Riff Dog is the adulterous star and "me" of Ashley and Me, who blogs his lascivious trysts with the various women he meets on

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Ashley Madison (AM) (like I was), it is a co-ed dating (or affair, if you want to get technical) service for those who are married or in relationships. The clever tag line reads: Life is Short, Have an Affair. This service, which essentially advocates adultery, has been berated on numerous television and news programs for trying to destroy relationships and families. See a clip here.

CEO Noel Biderman denies any wrong doing, and insists that the site is totally legal and legitimate.  In fact, in a recent interview, he claims that adultery can save a monogamous relationship. Nearly 4 million members worldwide seem to agree.

Membership to AM is free and you basically pay for upgrades, such as virtual gifts (think Facebook gifts), personalized messages, and premium memberships.

Riff Dog, a premium member, describes himself as a 6'5, handsome, athletic, white professional in his 40's.  Married with children, he paints a sob story of how his wife is ill and how he would never leave her for any of his other girlfriends.  Clearly, he's quite the gentleman.

What is so addicting about Ashley and Me are not only Riff Dog's numerous sexcapades, which read as easily as an X-rated version of Twilight, but the Dog is actually a really talented writer.  Even when he's not describing wet hot sex, his humor, charm, and wit really come alive in his entries.  You feel like you're right there with him as he's making some girl climax for the tenth time.  It's strangely surreal, and gross, but still kinda cool. Additionally, his self critical jabs-- he readily admits to being a dog-- somehow makes him seem more human, likable, and forgivable.

Not that I condone adultery or anything. In fact, I wouldn't hesitate to go Lorena Bobbit on a boyfriend should he decide to join AM one day.

Oh yeah, and apparently, he is quite talented in the bedroom, or pool table as well:

She puts her arms around me. As I suck her tongue into my mouth. My fingers making their way once again into her hair. Pulling her head back again. So I can kiss her neck now. I open my mouth against the front of her neck and slide my lips up and down it.

Her moan is different now. Lower pitched. This is her spot. I keep sliding my lips up and down her neck, but a little harder. More moans. I grab her hair a little tighter. And keep sliding my lips on her neck.

While my other hand reaches down to the hem of her dress. I pull it up with my thumb. And put my hand on the inside of her thigh. Then up. Until my index finger is just to the edge of her panties. And already making it's way under. She's already so wet. I run the tips of my fingers between her pussy lips. Up and back. So, soooo wet.

Then in one motion, I push my middle finger deep inside her, all at once. "Oh, God!" she gasps.

Breathe. Yes. That just happened, and there's more here.

A convenient sidebar organizes Riff Dog's affairs into chronological chapters, so new fans can get up to date easily.  Users are also invited to comment on posts-- surprisingly, he has a strong female fan base as well.

In fact, Riff Dog's latest conquest, Gabriela, was an avid blog fan, before she joined AM and met the Casanova in person for a NC-17 rated lunch date. Here's a taste:

Gabriela now turns towards me, no longer worried about any passers by. She starts unbuttoning my pants. Looking so focused. And succeeds in "freeing me."

I'm not sure how good an idea this is. There are no tablecloths in this restaurant. We're pretty "out in the open" should anyone else walk past.

Naturally, as an investigative journalist, I felt compelled to delve deeper into Riff Dog's dogly persona and try to find him myself. After signing up for AM with my own secret identity, I set myself up to find this literary sex god lover... for research purposes only, of course!

Based on the physical description he gives about himself on the site, the feat has proved rather difficult.  There are thousands of over 40, white, and professional cheaters over 6 feet tall in Los Angeles alone.

But I'm not the only one searching for a lover. After I set up my profile, which basically reveals nothing about me except that I'm 5'7 and live in the Valley (both of which aren't exactly true), I get 7 winks (which are kinda like pokes from Facebook), get added to 2 favorite lists, and receive messages from 10 interested users. I don't even have a picture up.


This is after I've been a member for less 24 hours.  Turns out that Riff Dog isn't the only dog in town. Apparently anonymous sex with strangers is still a guy's favorite past time.

I suspect it will take me a while (if ever) to learn the true identity of Riff Dog. In the meantime, we'll just have to wait and read.

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