As I am sure most are aware, Christmas season (it's not just one day, you know) is among us, which means so are Christmas parties. The beautiful thing about this time is that people are in giving moods, even with the current state of our economy, and really open their hearts. More importantly, they pick up the tab by way of an open bar. Truly, the beauty behind good Christmas parties can be summed up with the following:

  1. Pick a venue that won't mind if you make a ruckus
  2. Stock the place with a boatload of comp'd liquor
  3. Have some kind of background entertainment (dinner, music, gambling, drugs, or hookers).

This year, I have been fortunate enough to be invited to a few Christmas parties, with the two most notable ones happening back-to-back. There was less than a day between flying back home from Las Vegas, to driving out to Arizona.

Neversoft Christmas Party

First up is the Neversoft shindig. If you have not heard of Neversoft, it is not super abnormal, but you have most certainly heard of their latest claim to fame - the Guitar Hero series of games. They are the Activision studio that has made it possible for all those rock stars in the world to shred on their plastic guitars, and they throw one hell of a Christmas party. For starters, they fly their entire staff out to Las Vegas to stay at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. They rented out The Joint Nightclub for the evening, supplied various catered food (none of which I took part in solely to really give my liver all she could take), and had a glorious open bar with even top shelf spirits. To top it all off, they had Steel Panther (formerly known as Metal Skool), a Los Angeles based cover band, perform to close out the evening.

Steel Panther Performing at the Neversoft Christmas Party

On a slightly mushier note, there was a nice speech from Neversoft founder and CEO, Joel Jewett. If I didn't love my current job, I'd gladly work for this man - simply put, he fucking rocks. This was a top-notch party that turned into utter debauchery near the end, which is what you come to expect with any good Christmas party. I absolutely love that a party related to a religious event will end like this:

Sweet Sweet Debauchery - How I Love You Christmas Party

Moving from a bomb ass party in the video game industry, to a bomb ass party in the adult entertainment industry (just a day later), is something I have worked my entire life for. Meeper and I drove from Los Angeles to Phoenix, Arizona to attend the GFY party. This party was held at the Frasher's Steakhouse & Lounge in Scottsdale, which was conveniently stumbling distance away from our luxurious digs at the Best Western. We would have stayed at the "Valley Ho", just for the name alone, but it was all booked up - guess there were others with our genius idea.

Frasher's - Scottsdale, AZ

This Christmas party had all the right elements - free booze, good music, a drunk Meeper, and several girls wearing only body paint as a top. This, my friends, is what dreams (and ulcers) are made of, but it is only made possible because of the delicious birth of beautiful baby Jesus. And what is a good Christmas party without a Santa Claus? Well, Santa was a little busy, but Mrs. Claus was more than happy to attack me:

Mrs. Claus Attacking a Helpless Redmanthatcould

This party, similar to the Neversoft party, ended with a ton of belligerent drunks making it back to their respective hotel rooms. It would be a shame if I ended this post, after mentioning body painted girls, and not even supplying a picture or two, right? Fear not, loyal readers, I always deliver. Our beautiful bartender, for the evening, was more than happy to pose for my delectable camera:

This is what I Call a Good Time

...And as luck would have it (well, alcohol had a lot to do with it), our lovely bartender had her body painted breasts mauled by a couple of the other girls. Don't you love America? I do.

Body Painted Breasts: What I Envision Heaven will be Like

The other Christmas parties I attended were either fairly tame, or more on the family/friend side, but I thought I'd share my experiences at these two. I hope your Christmas season has been filled with lots of alcohol, drugs, hookers, and gambling - just like baby Jesus intended.