You might be privy to Gatorade's newest ads, with the slogan That's G. At first, you might also be confused and assume the G stands for geriatrics, but it in fact stands for Gatorade, you buffoon. In the spirit of being awesome, I decided to email the good folks at Gatorade with a new marketing idea. You will be surprised, but I was shot down. And then they never answered my rebuttal. It happens.
In any case, I figured I'd share the correspondence with our billions of readers...
I really like your "That's G" commercials, but I have a suggestion. I think you would really be able to sink your claws into the 18 - 35 market with a slight update to these commercials.
What I'm getting at is to update the commercials to "That's J" (e.g.: J instead of G), to pay homage to me, Jeff Kudishevich. Many people know me, and relate to me. If all my fans know that Gatorade has started backing me, they will become customers for life.
Jeff Kudishevich (aka The New Gatorade Spokesman)
A couple days later, Gatorade's response:
We appreciate your interest in becoming a spokesman for Gatorade. Please understand that for legal reasons we're unable to accept your suggestion.
Our Advertising Department works closely with selected outside agencies which are contracted for their services. These agencies are aware of the particular messages we want to convey to consumers and are responsible for all photographs, slogans, ideas and film footage used by our Company. Therefore, we are unable to accept any advertising or promotional material from other sources. We're also unable to provide contact information for those agencies.
Sorry to disappoint you, Jeff. Thank you for your interest in our products.
Dan Gatorade Consumer Relations
And then, being the resilient red Russian (5 points for an alliteration - hey O!) that I am, I tried this follow up:
Thanks for the reply. I'm sure Gatorade understands the importance of reaching more markets in today's economy, and my name and image holds a lot of weight in many untapped demographics. With the Jeff Kudishevich brand on your side, you'll reach out to millions - if not billions - of new customers. I single-handedly hold the keys to the following communities - Frisbee Golf, Hacky Sack, Beer Pong, and Russia - to name a few.
After the success of the "That's J" campaign, we can move to "In Jeff We Trust", and really build a marketing juggernaut. And I, of course, won't take the credit for this - that will be all you. Just don't forget to throw me a bone or two when they move you into that freshy new corner office.
So let's send this one up the ladder and watch it take off.
You will notice that I did, in fact, typo my last name on that email. Perhaps that was what did it? They stop taking you seriously when you can't even spell your own name correctly.
Oh well...your loss, Gatorade...your loss.