My latest endeavor in spreading my name brand was diving into make up for men. I thought, who better to hit up than Maybelline? They have those catchy commercials, so they obviously see the need for great marketing. Not so. It's been a few days, and I haven't heard back from them - clearly they are willing to lose MILLIONS.

Maybe it's J-Belline?

In any case, my email for your reading displeasure:

Hey there,

I would like to reinvent your marketing campaign. In my opinion, you have a good product that is scratching on the door of greatness, and I'm the guy to swing that door wide open. You have probably heard of me, as my brand holds quite a bit of equity on the internet, but we'll get to that in a second - hold your horses!

Your campaign Maybe she's born with it...maybe it's Maybelline really needs some sprucing up. What I've got in mind is both ground-breaking, and borderline illegal. Well, it's probably legal, but get the lawyers ready regardless!

What I propose is a new brand for men, based around my star power. The Jeff Kudishevich name will bring your product a second wind, in the sales marathon. Just say it with me...

Maybe he's born with it...maybe it's J-Belline.

Rolls right off the tongue.

You've got the business sense, I've got the brand - let's make billions.


Jeff Kudishevich aka J-Belline spokesman

I'll get the article updated, should they wise up and get back to me.