Too. Many. Laws. Fuck incompetent people for ruining it for the rest of us. Speeding is one of the few joys in life anyone can experience whenever they want…assuming they have a car anyway. There is something about going 90mph+ on the freeway that’s just fulfilling, and I can’t do it without ultra paranoia about getting a traffic ticket. And that ruins all the joy.

Why should we have to deal with this anyway? It’s not like I’ve ever crashed into a car because I was speeding. My guess is that most of us haven’t. But some retard got behind a wheel one day and decided to crash into someone else. It’s equivalent to toys not having small parts because a Darwin reject baby thought choking on plastic was a good idea. Hint: it’s not. Why punish the rest of the children because of that? That’s evolutionary discrimination.

At least we're not British.

On top of that, I can’t talk on my cell phone while driving either. Really? Is that because I need both hands to drive, or is it because I can’t pay attention to driving while I’m talking to other people? If it’s the first, then why am I allowed to eat/masturbate/sacrifice kittens while driving? If it’s the second, then why don’t my passengers have to keep silent? Again, it’s because some incompetent jerk ruined it for the rest of us. They more than likely would’ve crashed with or without the phone. Fuck them.

The no texting while driving law makes sense. A whole lot of sense. Looking at a little screen and typing with both hands while driving is a bad idea. But, even that is safer if it’s legal. I’ll explain. If you have to hide your phone, you have no possibility of looking at the road while texting. If you can hold it up to the windshield, you’ll at least be able to see the cars you’re about to hit when you’re texting “lol” back to a friend.

No worries, though. I have a solution. It’s time to do two things. First, we need to make it illegal to ticket someone unless physical damage actually occurs. If you are an incompetent person, you’ll get ticketed. We can even make the tickets grotesquely expensive. That way, no one else has to pay for your stupidity. Success.

Street violinists need food too.

The second thing is to make it so tickets don’t fund the police department. They could fund…the arts. We would see a huge decrease in the amount of traffic tickets given out if the police knew that giving out a ticket would feed the homeless (musicians/artists) instead of giving the fuzz a Christmas bonus.

Seriously, how did we let these laws pass in the first place? I hope there is a special place in Hell for the first person who said, “Hey, we should make everyone suffer because some retard doesn’t know how to drive.”