Well, sometimes you just have to sit back and realize how blessed we are to have this beautiful thing we call the internet. Without it, the following story would probably not be seen or heard by anyone other than the parties involved, and most likely would have never occurred (since it revolves around an email string). As reported by nineMSN, the Australian version of MSN, a resident of Adelaide (capital of the Australian state of South Australia) tried to pay his utility bill with a spider drawing. Before I show you the absolute gems that these emails are, I would like to say that if you ever owe Behind the Hype any kind of payment (kind of difficult since we are a free site, but you are welcome to try), we will gladly accept a spider drawing to settle debts. Cow drawings are also acceptable, but may additionally require going down on Fierce Pussy, but that is something you would have to speak with her about. nineMSN included each email sent between David Thorne (the Adelaide resident), and Jane Gilles (utility company employee). Really, there is nothing I can do to make this funnier, because it is simply pure comic gold. Enjoy!

From: Jane Gilles Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm To: David Thorne Subject: Overdue account

Dear David, Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

Sounds pretty standard. He owes them money, and they are simply asking for it...pretty basic so far.

From: David Thorne Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane, I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

Spider with 7 Legs

What? A drawing? A spider drawing? What? It may have taken him about 45 seconds to draw that.

Dear David, Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

I wonder if she had to speak with a supervisor to verify that they are unable to accept drawings as payments. It is also worthy to note her use of "arrears" after reading such a monumentally ridiculous email.

Maybe we should change our name to "Arrears the Hype" - what do you think?

Dear Jane, Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

What the fuck...unreal.

Dear David, You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

She must have been confused, but how could you be confused at this point? I would just be happy to be along for the ride.

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

Why though? Why?...Well, just stay tuned. It gets better, believe me.

Attached

Spider with 7 Legs

Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

"Elementary mistake" was just perfect.

Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

Having to deal with pretty outlandish requests on a daily basis, I am still extremely impressed with her professionalism at this point. I certainly would have snapped.

Thank you for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

Returning last week, he says. This man is either insane or genius - I am going with genius, just because if he's insane, then I am not too far off myself.

David responds, after he returns last week:

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realize with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb omission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

Spider with 8 Legs

"...in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings.." - right, because a utility company is all about sparing feelings. That is just magical to read. He trusts this will bring the matter to a conclusion. I am just speechless at this point.

Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

Still professional, Jane? Come on...he sends you another drawing and you think you are going to get payment out of him? My oh my.

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.

She actually does "return" the drawing...once again...speechless.

Attached

Spider with 8 Legs

Once again, thank you internet for allowing me such joy. Without you, where would I be? Certainly not reading an email chain about a dude trying to pay for a utility bill with a spider drawing that he free-handed in less time than it took to write the emails themselves. Without the internet, I'd probably naked in a cold ravine, sucking the fungus from between my toes, dreaming of a day where I could be a part of a hilarious series of tubes, that interconnect with gypsy magic. Internet, let's hug.

As for you, Mr. David Thorne of Adelaide - if you are reading this, I ask...nay!...beg that you come write for Behind the Hype. You, my friend, are exactly what this site and my beautiful internet need. I e-bow to you, David.

Note* The original, non-"edited with an axe" version of the email correspondence below can be found at David Thorne's site here.