My buddy Oliver's birthday is coming up this Friday, and I asked him what he wanted. He did not hesitate with this immediate response:
I want boobs for my birthday. All over my face. But not stripper boobs.
So what I ask you, my reading public, is if you are in the greater Los Angeles area, have boobs, are not against having them in some random man's face, and are not a stripper, then we need to talk. The only alternative is I get him nice and liquored up, and shove my own moobs (i.e.: man boobs) in his face, which would be highly unorthodox for me (read: par for the course).
Notice, if you will, that Oliver did not specify the quality of said boobs, so fear not if you have inadequate, ugly boobs. All boobs are welcome.
P.S. - I love being me.