Welcome! Today, we're going to discuss computer security. Nowadays, everyone has a computer, and we use them for just about everything. Unfortunately, with amazing technology comes amazing jerks, and the hackers are out in force. With their ability to steal your identity, you have two choices:

  • Stop using the interwebz
  • Learn how to protect yourself

Since no one in their right mind is going to stop using the internet, let's talk about how to make your computer as safe as it can be.

Phishing and viruses

Sure to stop any phisher

Most identity theft is caused by "phishers." Phishers are people without any real talents who send emails to people asking for their passwords to things like Paypal. They are not real hackers, and they can be defeated easily. Don't tell them your password. Not even if they say please. A phisher is powerless without your help.

More dangerous are computer viruses. You'll usually come across these while downloading software illegally or looking at porn. In fact, 80% of the internet is just a virus. But worry not, the solution is easy. Only go to trusted websites. It's easy to find out which websites are good and which aren't. Send random links to your friends over Facebook and Myspace. If they say they got a virus from going there, then you know it's not safe.

Hackers

These do not exist in real life.

Let's get to the heart of the issue: hackers. Hackers are generally not what you see in movies. They're usually just people who you've pissed off. It could be an ex or that nerd you taunted in high school. Or maybe it's someone getting back at you for that link you sent them that turned out to be a virus. In any case, usually people "hack" your computer by knowing your password. Either you told it to them, or they know enough about you to guess it.

Making good passwords

Most people use the same password for everything, and it's usually something familiar to them. Instead of doing that, here's a couple ways to help you in making good passwords. ask your friend what they use for a password and use that instead. That way people who know you well won't be able to guess it. You can also use passwords that are the opposite of things you like. If you are a Republican, try a password like "<3barack." It's a good password because it uses a special character, a number, and a word you'd never use in real life. "Idontloveporn" is also an excellent password, because no one will ever guess that. Be sure to write down your passwords. Put them next to your social security card, a major credit card, and your driver's license for extra security.

Hiding your porn

The things I would do...

I've saved the best for last. While security from the outside world is important, it's also critical to be able to hide your porn from other people who use your computer. After all, nothing ends a relationship sooner than finding a stash of E-surance girl porn, except possibly finding a stash Dora the Explorer porn. On top of password protecting your porn folder, following the rules above, you can also just name it something no one will ever look at. See this handy guide for further details: Porn Folder.

By the way, let me know if that link is safe.