With the air becoming crisp, and the color of the leaves changing, we realize that October is once again upon us and Halloween is right around the corner!
So why does Halloween warrant it's own article? Simple...Halloween really is a special time for most people who are far removed from the days where they didn't have to worry about acting their age.
Halloween allows all the corporate drones to unleash their "Id" (as in Freud's Id) for one night a year.
Halloween allows the frumpy librarian to become the Sexy Schoolteacher.
It allows the buttoned-up school teacher to be transformed into the Sexy French Maid.
On this glorious night, the decidedly non-french maid gets to morph into the Naughty Nurse.
But more so, Halloween allows the tired, overworked & underpaid nurse to get sloshed and flash random strangers. Myself perhaps being one of said strangers?
In a nutshell, it allows the ladies to unleash their inner whore, er, I mean slut. It allows the ladies to unleash their inner slut. Whores do it for money, sluts do it for fun. And God Bless them for it.
But Halloween is no cruel dogmata geared towards the womanly masses. Halloween let's Joe Nobody be Joe Somebody. It let's him be a Superhero, or a Ninja, or a Pirate.
This is a privilege not bestowed on common man since fourth grade, or, you know, since last Halloween.
And unlike ComicCon...
...with the right amount of Liquor, you might actually get to Lick 'er (pun fully and proudly intended).
Unlike many of the the more mainstream holiday's, and yes, I realize Halloween isn't an actual holiday, though it should be(!), unlike the mainstream holiday's, the only stress factor here is the fear that you won't be the only Ironman at the party.
Or that Patty from Accounting's Sexy Firewoman, is sexier than your Sexy Policewoman.
There are no worries of how you're going to pay for all those presents, or if you'll even be able to get the presents that your family actually wants. I'm looking at you Christmas.
There is no anxiety over having to spend a long weekend with your estranged family, or arguments over whose estranged family you're going to spend the long weekend with. That's right Thanksgiving, I'm calling you out.
There's no repentance filled fasting. Raise your hands Yom Kippur and Lent.
You'll have no oxymoronic irony. Yes, Labor Day, I'm talking about you.
And Independence Day, don't get me started with you. Just what exactly are you trying to be? Are you a day of hokey fireworks displays, or are you Darwinisn in one of it's most deadly forms? Are you a day of family togetherness and patriotism, or are you a day to get shitfaced and vomit in your shoe?
And that my friends is what makes Halloween so great. It's the one day a year you get to let your freak flag fly high and no one will say anything to you, generally because theirs is flying even higher.
On Halloween you get to relive your childhood for a few fleeting hours. It's just one big day of fun. Remember how excited you would get as kid when Halloween would roll around? Picking out your costume, trying it on before the actual day. Not being able to wait until you got the chance to wear it out and show all your friends. Who doesn't want that feeling again?
Halloween is a great time had by all and should be happily celebrated! Okay, except maybe if you're this kid in the middle here: