Webcomic artists use Guest Weeks as copouts. I have writer’s block, which isn’t really surprising. I almost always have writer’s block. The difference this time is that I am also very, very tired. Which means, instead of fighting through the writer’s block and giving you a real article, I’m going to write Psych’s Brilliant Guide to Writing the Best Social Commentary Ever in the Universe. I believe this is referred to as a “cop out”.

Choosing a topic

The first step to writing good social commentary is choosing a topic. Most people would read the newspaper or watch television to come up with this topic. It should be something relevant to current events. There’s a lot to choose from. Celebrities are dying by the dozen, healthcare is trying to undergo reform, and the economy sucks. All of these are good topics. However, they bore me. Marshmallows, on the other hand, do not. The topic is marshmallows.

Doing the research

The next step is research. If you want a good article, you need to know what you’re talking about. But before we get into that, keep in mind that good social commentary is funny. So while doing your research, be sure to pull out facts that are not only interesting, but amusing. If you can’t find any that fit this, make the facts up. Also, you get extra points whenever you tie your facts back to sex.

Example 1: Marshmallows are fluffy.

That’s true and possibly interesting, but not funny and exciting. Let’s take that statement and make it better.

It is a well known fact that a woman’s breasts are made of marshmallows.

Close...

By stating that it is a well known fact, people will not want to deny it because then they would be ignorant for not knowing that it is a well known fact.  On top of that, you’ve linked marshmallows to breasts, which is exciting. Since it is completely untrue, it is also funny. Remember, the internet does not care for accuracy when it could have sex and humor instead.

Pictures

People hate reading, so be sure to include pictures. The pictures should be of the most ridiculous statement you’ve made in the paragraph. I like to include at least three pictures, so that they tell a story. The goal is that no one has to read the article to know what you’re talking about. Also, if you can’t find an appropriate picture, use MS Paint and draw something. It doesn’t matter if you have no art skills at all. In fact, not having art skills can add to the humor.

Putting it together

Once you’ve collected an assortment of facts, you can write your article. Make sure your introduction tells what you are commenting on and that your conclusion sums up the entire article. The body should have your facts strung together haphazardly.  You should comment on relevant facts. Add pictures for flavor, and then you’re done.

Sample article on Marshmallows:

Introduction: Marshmallows are cool.

Pictures are really important.

Body: It is a well known fact that women’s breasts are made of marshmallows. Once, they attacked the Ghostbusters. Also, they are spelled marshmallows and not marshmellows. They would be better if they were spelled marshmellows, but I guess they’re still cool.

Conclusion: Marshmallows, yum.

See? The social part is that everyone knows what a marshmallow is. The commentary part is that I really think they should be spelled marshmellows…

I told you it was a cop out.