Unemployment is viewed in one of two ways depending on who you ask: A miserable prison of atrophy and worthlessness or a time in which we can reflect, languish, and do all the things that working never allowed us time for. More often not, the unemployed will shift between these two opinions based on what day it is and how long he or she has been unemployed. As someone who has quickly learned the ins and outs of amusing oneself during the eight hours a day when everyone else is getting paid to be unhappy, here are some helpful tips for prevailing over the emotional rollercoaster of unemployment. 1. Do not seize the day: Waking up too early is the worst thing you can do. Rising anytime before ten or eleven will make you all too aware of how little you have to do.

2. Gauge blocks of time by movies or TV: For movies: If you have watched two movies, it is time for lunch. For TV: If you have watched six episodes of a comedy (like Strangers With Candy) or four episodes of a drama (like Roswell), that's when you know it's time for lunch.

3. Don't forget to move: As addictive as catching up on pop culture can be, leaving the house from time to time is important to not feeling like you live in a vacuum.

4. Walk places that take forever to walk to: If you don't live in New York, this task is particularly easy to execute.

5. Clean your apartment thoroughly on a daily basis: This is, believe it or not, therapeutic and it will make your roommates more appreciative rather than judgmental of your status as "the unemployed fuck-up."

6. Tap into your artistic side: Drawing and painting is a very good hobby to have when you don't have a job because it is an extremely time-consuming effort.

7. Take a two hour nap at some point in the day: Generally, four o' clock is the best time. But don't get too hooked to nap time, otherwise, you'll have to move to Europe where they have siestas if you ever want to get a job again.

8. Apply for one job a day: Applying to any more than that will make you feel like an inadequate piece of shit for how few responses you get. At least, with this method, you can use the excuse that it's because you have not applied for that many positions.

9. Start drinking after your nap: The earlier the better. This also helps ensure you will have a hangover that will cause you to sleep well into midday.

10. When people ask you what you do for a living, respond in one of the following ways: 1) Mumble for an uncomfortable number of seconds so that they'll move on from the subject. 2) "I work for the government. That's all I can say." 3) "I'm freelancing." 4) "I quit my job after I received a small, but respectable inheritance from my transgender uncle" (the transgender detail will throw them off enough to not ask you to pick up the bar tab).

These suggestions are only a glimpse at some of the channels through which you can maintain your sanity. Everyone has a unique approach to getting through unemployment, a state of being that spotlights how life is essentially killing time until another phase we can be disappointed by.

AuthorSmoking Barrel