In the Christian tradition, there exists a time each year when you have to give up your favorite thing for 40 days. This time is called Lent, and it's basically the opposite of Christmas. The purpose of giving up what you like most is to increase your spirituality. While I’m not entirely sure how not texting people gets you one step closer to Heaven, the theory intrigues me. Thus, I present to you, my list of things you can give up for Lent.

Toilet Paper

Ever wipe your ass with sticks and leaves?

It’s the little things in life that are actually our favorite things, though we don’t always recognize it. Small things make a world of difference, and toilet paper is one of those things that I just would not want to live without. I might spend all day in front of my computer, but if someone asked to choose between the internet and toilet paper…well, I can’t wipe my ass with my keyboard.  (Or at least, I wouldn’t want to.)

Sense of Security

You might not realize it, but your sense of security is exceedingly important to living a mentally stable life. This, of course, makes it a perfect candidate for something to give up.  To accomplish this, simply don’t lock your doors. Not knowing whether your car will be stolen or your house will be robbed will teach you to appreciate that sense of security. If that’s not enough, you can spend time in alleys or hang out with people of questionable origin.

Your Organs

Giving up your organs for Lent actually accomplishes multiple things. Not only are you giving up something extremely important to you, but you’re also helping someone else. This is a double win spiritually, and might be an auto-Heaven. (An auto-Heaven is when you’ve done something so good, you automatically go to Heaven. The opposite would be an auto-Hell.) That being said, you should probably not give up any vital organs.


The best invention of all time.

When I write guides, I always try to list things in order of significance. The choice between organs and contraceptives was a difficult one, but really, I’d rather lose a kidney than gain a baby. There are two options for this. You can either stop using things that prevent pregnancy (birth control pills, etc), or you can stop using condoms. Obviously, not using condoms is much, much worse since you risk the chance of STDs.


Finally, for the truly hardcore, you can give up Jesus. If you are a Christian, there should be nothing you love more in life than Jesus, and so to give him up is truly the greatest sacrifice. You might think this is counter-productive to trying to increase your spirituality, but you’d be wrong. After all, can you really understand the grace of the Lord until you’ve stopped basking in his glory? I think not.