Hi. Is drive-by dating the new match.com? I went out on a walk today for 20 minutes and was drive-by hollered at by two 1990 era scrubs who were indeed "leaning out the passenger side of their best friends' rides." Said rides were both beat up Accords. One of the gentleman referred to me as "Mama", which I thought was strange, considering, he looked as old as my father or the father of my father. I thought about recommending him to my Lasik doctor, who happens to be very good at curing blind people. I politely declined "no thank you" when he offered me a night of scary, unprotected, violent sex.
Do guys think they will actually get somewhere if they drive-by holler? I am so curious about their actual success rates. Please enlighten this naive girl. Is this a common pick up scheme-- hit up residential suburbia? I guess there are always myriad nubile young adolescents, the occasional young MILF, and a bevy of grandmas who are enjoying the nascent stages of early onset Alzheimer's. Forget bars and clubs friends, the corner of Pico and Robertson may be the new breeding ground for love.
But are girls flattered by these pathetic hollering attempts? No. Absolutely not. We do not dream of prince charming asking us out on a street corner next to fresh dog poop or a four way stop sign. We prefer being inside a vehicle, not being talked at from someone in a car, while we are outside in 58 degree weather, which I didn't know existed in Los Angeles.
I do not enjoy these unpleasant, irritating encounters, almost as much as I disliked "He's Just Not That Into You." In fact, I purposely looked like a hobo today, so no one would talk to me. However, the plan backfired. Not only did I get those 2 drive-bys, but real homeless people tried to befriend me, although they were a bit skeptical about my Uggs.
At this stage of my life, it seems my social circle has been reduced to scrubs and those that need to be scrubbed.
So in that positive optimistic spirit, the universe brought me to to discover Fmylife.com or FML, which has quickly become one of my favorite websites on the web. I check the updates on this site more than facebook and gmail. COMBINED! Here, you get to read the most embarrassing, horribly delightful, and incredulous blurbs by real people, who lead extraordinarily crappy lives. You get to agree if yes, their lives are indeed f*ed as they claim, or relegate them to "deserving it."
Some memorable favorites are:
Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML
Today, as my boyfriend was trying to convince me that he was not having an affair with another woman named Julie, he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "I would never cheat on you, I love you more than anything, Julie". FML
Today, I sang at a retirement home with my school choir. Afterward we went to speak to the old people, just to get to know them a little. The first woman I shake hands with ask "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML
Yes. I know. You're welcome.
And now for something equally awesome for the ladies ONLY:
Sorry-mom.com which is filled with dating horror stories with douchebags, pictures included! And I thought my exes were bad.
This guy was a complete butthead from the start. He played the whole hard-to-get card, which someone of his level of attractiveness, should probably never attempt. Basically, he would only hang out with me if alcohol was involved, never got me off, and worst of all he blamed the fact that he kept ’slipping out’, on his boxers. Wha??