Historians will tell you that Thanksgiving began when a group of travelers from England met up with a group of Indians and decided to have a meal. Actually, I doubt any historian would say it in those exact words, but that would be the gist of their story. The Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast, which was a common tradition among many Native Americans. The point of this was to show a spirit of friendship and cooperation between the two groups. You’ve all heard this story, of course. While that is true, the real reasons behind the colonization of America and the first Thanksgiving have been lost over time.
What most people don’t know is that the Thanksgiving tradition was planned before the colonists ever made it to America. You see, the colonists came from England in search of turkey. The King of England had heard rumors of a bird that is most delicious when combined with gravy and mashed potatoes, but none were to be found in Europe. To solve this grave injustice, he sent out explorers to uncharted lands in search of this wondrous bird. England’s domination of the world was in large part due to its search for the turkey.
Eventually, the explorers arrived at America and met the Indians/Native Americans/whatever you want to call them. They realized that the Indians had a bird that was most delicious and decided that they would try their best to be friends. Of course, the Indians did not want to share their delicious bird with just anyone, and it was not until the last Thursday of November, during the harvest feast, that the colonists managed to taste a bite of turkey. That bite changed the world forever.
After realizing just how delicious the turkey was, the colonists decided that they didn’t need England to survive. After all, they could just sell turkeys to Europe and make massive amounts of cash. They decided to form their own country, which they called the United States of America. They knew that, through the power of the turkey, they would be a superpower. The first president was known as the Prime Turkey Eater, and the world domination spread from there.
As a gift to England, or perhaps just to show off, the first Prime Turkey Eater sent a single bird back to the Motherland. While Presidents no longer send turkeys back to England, this was the start of the tradition of pardoning one turkey every year. And so, on the last Thursday of November, let us all remember what we are thankful for. In case you haven’t figured out it, we’re all thankful that turkey is delicious.