Meg Whitman and "associate"
Meg Whitman and "associate"

Anyone who has been watching the news will be aware of two things: Jerry Brown called Meg Whitman a whore, and if you call any woman a whore, including a woman who has sold her “services” for money, you are calling every woman a whore. According to Meg Whitman, all women are whores at heart, but this thought process astounds me, especially when we consider a very important point: men can be whores too. You’d think given the newest scandal, Meg Whitman would know this best.

What you probably haven’t heard is that Meg Whitman was caught with an illegal immigrant whore. Of course, Meg Whitman is a key proponent of deporting all illegals, except for the ones that she is using. But, this time it gets better. Not only has she recently been caught with English football (soccer for the Americans) star, David Beckham, but her history of using illegal immigrants as prostitutes ranges a long way back, with the first being Barack Obama. Don’t believe me? It makes perfect sense.

The story begins with the birth of the future president in his native country, Kenya. Since Obama’s birth certificate has yet to be found, we know for a fact that he is not American. Unfortunately for his future Kenyan political career, Obama’s parents claimed that he was American. He was swiftly deported from Kenya to live on the harsh streets of Hawaii, where he was forced to attend the most prestigious schools. ACORN, of course, provided him with the fake documentation to continue to live in America, in exchange for his continued democratic vote.

Anyway, Obama manages to fight off the trials of school and meets Meg Whitman. Meg Whitman, who is a trillionaire, wanted some of the future president’s …epic(pe)ness. Unbeknownst to future Republican candidate Carl Paladino, Michelle was Obama’s pimp, and Obama was the whore.  Role reversal. Whatever. In any case, this was the first instance of Whitman employing an illegal immigrant and the reason she should know that men can be whores. 

Does this story have any truth in it? How did the magic bullet hit JFK? With voter apathy at an all time low, let’s be realistic. The people these stories appeal to don’t even vote.

Accurate representation of the First Lady