The concept of sluts on Halloween is far from new, but while others appreciate the Halloween sluts, I tend to disagree. We all know that when it comes time to play dress up, women have a tendency to want to dress down. The less they can wear the better. That isn’t what bothers me. What bothers me is that they stole Halloween.

What is Halloween?

Does anyone eat this? Seriously.

Before the Halloween tradition was started, going around to your neighbors houses and demanding their food was considered thievery. Costumes were used so that people wouldn’t know who was robbing them. This all changed when the Candy Corn industry was born. Inventive consumers realized that if they kept their houses stocked with Candy Corn that no one would rob their houses, since not even the most desperate of people would eat it.  However, they also realized that if people didn’t buy Candy Corn after their initial purchase, there would eventually be no Candy Corn to repel thieves. And so, Halloween was invented to keep the Candy Corn industry strong. People give away their Candy Corn to the young as a reminder not to steal food or pay the consequences.


Witches wear more clothes

Eventually, people forgot the true meaning of Halloween. They began to think it was a Holiday for children, and that adults weren’t supposed to participate in the Trick or Treating. As time continued to progress, it became weirder and weirder to see people over the age of 12 going out to get candy from their neighbors. The adults (who really just wanted to Trick or Treat) had to find something else to do. As usual, that meant booze, but they kept the costumes. As Peter Parker will tell you, with great booze comes great nudity, and eventually women would remove more clothing from their costumes as the night went on. Since this was so well received, they decided to skip the first step and just not wear much to begin with. Thus, Halloween sluts were born.

Why is this bad?

You might think this isn’t a big deal. After all, everyone loves a slut. But you’re missing the point.

  1. By forgetting the original meaning, adults will never be able Trick of Treat. That means you won't be interacting with your neighbors (who could be really hot) and you get less candy for free.
  2. By encouraging people to be sluts on Halloween, we’re actively discouraging them from being sluts the rest of the year. Very, very sad.
  3. Getting a girl to strip out of a costume into something nearly non-existent is half the fun of a party. If they start without clothes, there’s no challenge.

So, if you love sluts and Halloween, I suggest we take back the Holiday. Let’s encourage women to be sluts the rest of the year and bring back candy to our Halloween celebrations. Because if you don’t, eventually someone is going to rob your house and steal your food.

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