Hey, Fridays are cool.

Think about it. They're the last day of the week, and the start of the weekend. You can totes go to the mall, or a party, or just aimlessly drift about town (in a wholesome way, of course).

There probably aren't many people out there who dislike Fridays.

Rebecca Black definitely likes Fridays. Apparently.

If you aren't sure who Rebecca Black is, this music video might be even more nonsensical and mind-alteringly confusing than it already is. It already has more than 5 million hits on YouTube so far (and that number has gone up 500,000 in the 20 minutes I've had the window open!), so it's obviously a great and awesome song.

Just watch:

Okay. A few questions spring to mind after viewing this mess:

1. Doesn't it sound as if it was written by someone whose first language is definitely NOT English? The awkwardness of almost all of the lyrics is unfathomable. To wit:

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly Fun, fun, think about fun You know what it is I got this, you got this My friend is by my right I got this, you got this Now you know it

"My friend is by my right?" That's not really a phrase anybody uses ever to describe anything.

Black's slow, off-timed delivery of "fun, fun, fun" is also quite unsettling.

And the bridge! The bridge seems to be the most-quoted passage from this song on Twitter, Facebook, Friendster, Myspace, and so on, mainly for its WHAT IN THE HELL IS SHE SAYING??!! qualities:

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’) We-we-we so excited We so excited We gonna have a ball today

"We so excited"? "Saturday comes afterwards?" Is this real life? Why is she going through the days of the week?

2. Someone suggested to me that this song is intended for little kids, as if it was 'educational'.

The reckless behavior of the kids in this video would make me think otherwise.

In the video, Ms. Black and her cohorts are sitting on the top of the seats in the back of the convertible, seatbelts definitely NOT buckled. A green screen of "whoa we're driving fast!!" images flies by in the background.

That's just not safe.

What's more, the car is being driven by a kid who has got to be 13 years old. I mean, COME ON:

You can't drive by yourself with a learner's permit, and you definitely can't drive your friends around when you're 13 (and not even old enough for a permit).

3. Why did she go to the bus stop to wait for her friends? Couldn't they have just picked her up at her house?

4. Who is the black dude doing the off-putting rap in the middle? Why is he barreling down the freeway, rapping about school buses? Is he going to the party Rebecca Black and her friends are having?

How does he know who she is? Is he her friend? If so, why? Isn't he about 35 years old? This is so creepy.

5. Why are preteens going to house parties at all? I'm not that old and curmudgeon-y, but this is strange. How did the kids get to the house party? Are they all driving their parents' cars without permission?

One of the most glaring bizarre aspects of this thing is Rebecca Black's apparent confusion about the whole thing. What these shiny cameras are doing, why they're pointed at her,  what she's singing, where she's going, everything. Maybe she was drugged and forced to make this video? Who knows.

This is either a really good Funny Or Die skit, or we are truly approaching the endtimes.

The simplicity and strangeness of this song/video just can't be real. They just can't. People don't speak like this! Not even children!

This makes Ke$ha and Justin Bieber seem like Pink Floyd.

Congratulations, pop music world, we are now one 3-minute music video closer to total implosion.


Since Rebecca Black took control of the world a few days ago, YouTube has exploded with tons of different kinds of remixes...like this ridiculous Dubstep remix. Check it:

And for even more ridiculous, here's another gem:

In closing, readers, I apologize for all this, I really do.

But Rebecca Black and her people should apologize even more so for unleashing this devilry upon the world.