The world has come along way since Revenge of the Nerds. There was a time when it wasn't cool to know how to use a computer, when people scoffed at video game players like people scoff at artists, and when knowing comic book characters meant that you were lame. It is no longer a world where jocks are popular, though I hear girls still enjoy looking at them. It's a time for the nerds. In a world where information is king, nerds are the ones with the money. And money gets the girls. But how do you tell a real nerd from a poser? With this guide, you can tell the difference or become a nerd yourself. We'll start from the easiest tasks to master to the hardest.
Nerds avoid going outside
If you know someone who goes outside a lot, without getting paid to do it, chances are they aren't a nerd. Inside has electricity. Electricity powers computers, televisions, video games, and sound systems. Outside has the sun, and the sun burns. If a nerd must go outside, it (nerds are neither male nor female, being asexual beings) will have a laptop, a Nintendo DS, or both. It should be noted that cell phone technology is getting to the point where it almost qualifies as a laptop and can be substituted if need be. To account for nerd socialization, they may go outside if they are going to a comic book convention, a LAN party, or to a PC room.
Nerds are lazy
There's a reason why nerds have learned how to program computers. It's not because it's fun. It's because if you can make your computer do something for you, you don't have to do it yourself. Avoiding effort of any kind is the mark of a nerd. Bonus points for ordering pizza from your computer.
Nerds must love Star Wars, Star Trek, or both
You get bonus points for liking both. However, it's a slippery slope. If you speak Klingon, not even other nerds will be your friend. If you like Star Wars 1, 2, or 3, you lose all your nerd cred.
Nerds are pirates
There are two kinds of pirates. The first kind steals boats, rapes, and pillages. While nerds respect those pirates, being on the ocean requires going outside, which is a clear violation of the nerd code. The second kind of pirate is the kind that steals movies, music, and software. Of course, we at behindthehype.com do not condone this.
Nerds have IT knowledge
Do people call you to fix their computers? Have you ever built a computer from parts? Have you ever made the parts? Do you uninstall Internet Explorer if you see it on your friend's computer? If you've answered yes to any or all of these questions, you're probably a nerd. Other people use computers as tools. Nerds live on their computers.
Still with me? The first half of the list is the easy part. It's time to get into what really defines a nerd.
Nerds are highly efficient
If you've never calculated how much experience you're gaining in an hour, you're not a nerd. But, it can be used out of video games as well. If you've never used Excel to calculate how many hours you need to work at minimum wage to acquire everything you want in life and never work again, with a formula that accounts for inflation rates and a variable that converts minimum wage to the amount of money you're currently making per hour, then you're not a nerd.
Nerds argue about the smallest of details
It's a well known fact that a nerd cannot truly enjoy a comic book movie. There's too much in there that wasn't in the comic. Or a character did something, that they didn't do in the comic. It's also a well known fact that Harry Potter is inaccurate on various levels, as it doesn't mesh well with Tolkien's fantasy universe. Who needs wands to cast spells anyway?
Nerds play tabletop games
There are two types of games that a nerd can play: trading card games and Dungeons and Dragons. There are many trading card games, and as long as you avoid playing Pokemon and Yugi-Oh! you can pretty much play any of them. Dungeons and Dragons is non-optional. If you've never rolled a 1 on a 20 sided die and immediately said, "Shit," you aren't a nerd.
Nerds know comics
Superman, Spiderman, Batman and X-Men may be popularized, but nerds were reading the comics way before they were movies. More recently, nerds have gotten into webcomics. Special mention goes out to XKCD (because it has nerd jokes), Order of the Stick (for being a D&D comic), 8-Bit Theater (for being a Final Fantasy Comic), and Least I Could Do (for being the best webcomic).
Nerds play video games
This is the most important factor in being a nerd. In recent years, there has been a push towards Massively Multi-Playing games. If you want to be a nerd, the only game you need to know is World of Warcraft. If you can talk about WoW, you can talk to nerds, because all nerds can talk about WoW. However, true nerds MUD. MUD stands for multi-user dungeon, and it's a text based online role playing game. If you stare at colored text for 12 hours a day and calculate your advancement rate on a spreadsheet, you can't deny that you're a nerd. And if you're going to MUD, you may as well play Three Kingdoms, since it's the best of the bunch.
If you're still unsure of whether or not you're a nerd, simply glance at the following picture. If that isn't the most amazing thing you've ever seen, you're probably not a nerd.