Angry Revolutionary The Jonas Brothers cowering

Yes, that’s right. I am comparing The Nightwatchman and the Jonas Brothers. “Why, Psych?! Why would you do such a thing?!” Okay. I'll explain. Primarily, I am doing this because google fight shows that the Jonas Brothers are significantly more popular than the Nightwatchman. I find this to be unacceptable.  Secondly, the two of them are begging to be compared. After all,The Nightwatchman is a One Man Revolution and the Jonas Brothers are a One Man Show. And, of course, the best reason is because you can't stop me. The contest will be determined by points. Points will be given out for being cool and taken away for being uncool, with me as the judge. Let's begin.

Sales

We are starting with sales because otherwise there is no chance that the Jonas Brothers could ever be beat The Nightwatchman. When discussing music, sales are very important. They determine if a person gets to make a second album. They determine if I get to see them in concert. They determine how crowded that concert will be. The Nightwatchman was 119 on the Billboard charts when One Man Revolution was released. Losing to Avril Lavigne is negative points. The Jonas Brother’s album, A Little Bit Longer,  went platinum. Point to the Jonas Brothers.

Achievements

He really is a One Man Revolution.

The Nightwatchman is Tom Morello, the dude from Rage Against the Machine. He is also part of Audioslave and Street Sweeper Social Club. He has played with an incredible list of famous musicians. With Serj Tankian, he started the Axis of Justice, an organization that fights for social rights.  He has a human rights award.  He is the #26 greatest guitarist of all time. He was in Guitar Hero. There’s other stuff too, but I’m running out of room.

The Jonas Brothers work for Disney. They are not at all Tom Morello. Instead, they are Nick Jonas, Joe Jonas, and Kevin Jonas. One has diabetes, but that's not an accomplishment. They have also started a charity and were in South Park.

Point to The Nightwatchman because if I hadn’t decided to stop, I could still be writing about his accomplishments.

Claims

Here’s the fun part. The Nightwatchman claims to be a One Man Revolution. The Jonas Brothers claim to be a One Man Show. But do either live up to their claims? Their lyrics shall be the decision maker in this.

The cabs don’t stop for The Nightwatchman. He gets the cops called on him and stays in the bushes with a baseball bat.  He is popular in Cuba, but can’t get into the Playboy Mansion. On the streets of L.A, they know his name. He loves many and trusts few. That sounds like a revolutionary to me.

They bring the light...er something

The Jonas Brothers are emo. They feel like they are going insane, because they miss a girl. This girl was bad for them (I guess they all share the same girl), and now they are proving to her that they will be fine alone….by writing a song about her. They don’t miss her at all, except they wish things would’ve worked out. Yea...no.

Finale

Let’s tally the points.

The Nightwatchman:

  • -1 for losing to Avril
  • +1 for being awesome
  • +1 for living up to his claims
  • +fun points for having a capital T in The Nightwatchman

Total points: 1 + fun

The Jonas Brothers:

  • +1 for sales
  • +1 for being in South Park
  • -.5 for working for Disney,
  • -1 for being emo
  • -1 for saying they’re a One Man Show with three people

Total Points: -.5

And while that score is surprisingly close, it appears that the One Man Revolution has proven the victor over the One Man Show. Working for Disney might get you underage girls, but being arrested while fighting for human rights shows that you are the man. Well played, The Nightwatchman. Well played.