Some people still remember the much beloved number one single from 1963 by sugary sweet teen soloist-cum-lesbian Lesley Gore. Thinking about how classic the song is considered, I wondered if it would fare as well in the music market of 2002, or would it have to be altered to accommodate more modern, and well, more crude tastes? Why 2002? It's such an arbitrary year--but it's not. That's the year I pinpoint the true death of decent mainstream music. If my pop to rap conversion sensibilities are correct, the lyrics would be transformed from this: It's my party and I'll cry if I want to/Cry if I want to/Cry if I want to/You would cry too if it happened to you/Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone/Judy left the same time/Why was he holding her hand?/When he's supposed to be mine/It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to/Cry if I want to, cry if I want to/You would cry too if it happened to you/Playin' my records, keep dancin' all night/Leave me alone for a while/'Till Johnny's dancin' with me/I've got no reason to smile/It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to/Cry if I want to, cry if I want to/You would cry too if it happened to you/Judy and Johnny just walked through the door/Like a queen with her king/Oh what a birthday surprise/Judy's wearin' his ring/It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to/Cry if I want to, cry if I want to/You would cry too if it happened to you.

...to the far more lewd and inappropriate rap version:

It's my motherfuckin party and I'll motherfuckin cry if I goddamn want to you stupid bitches/Cry if I fuckin want to/Cry if I fuckin want to/You twat, you would cry too if it fuckin happened to you/Nobody knows where that asshole Johnny has gone/That slut Judy left at the same time/Why was he holding her fuckin fake tanned hand?/When that horny felch loving bastard is supposed to be mine?/It's my motherfuckin party and I'll motherfuckin cry if I goddamn want to you stupid bitches/Cry if I fuckin want to/Cry if I fuckin want to/You twat, you would cry too if it fuckin happened to you/Playin' the shit songs on my iPod, keep scorchin the motherfuckin dancefloor/Leave me the fuck alone for awhile/'Til that diseased dick of Johnny's is inside of me/I've got no goddamn reason to smile/It's my motherfuckin party and I'll motherfuckin cry if I goddamn want to you stupid bitches/Cry if I fucking want to/Cry if I fucking want to/You twat, you would cry too if it fucking happened to you/Judy and Johnny just walked through the motherfuckin door/Like a queen bitch and her impotent king/Oh what a fuckin birthday surprise/Judy's given him a cock ring/It's my motherfuckin party and I'll motherfuckin cry if I goddamn want to you stupid bitches/Cry if I fuckin want to/Cry if I fuckin want to/You twat, you would cry too if it fuckin happened to you.

If Lesley Gore's not too busy, she should remake the song as a statement on how censorship in the sixties wasn't necessarily an impediment, more like a forced mechanism for creatively wholesome lyricism.

Posted
AuthorSmoking Barrel
CategoriesPop Rock, Rap