Well guess what folks...he did! It's called Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
Zack and Miri stars many of Apatow's roving band of merry mirth makers, lead by none other than Apatow's Crown Prince - Seth Rogen as Zack. And we've got big trunk showerhead freak Elizabeth Banks as Miri. And yes, Zack puts his bike in it! I won't really go into the story too much, as RMTC has already covered that quite nicely in his review.
I liked seeing Smith getting out of his comfort zone, using his regulars to a very small extent. However, what he ends up doing is jumping out of his comfort zone, and right into Apatow's. Which is by no means a bad thing, but the problem is that Smith lacks Apatow's comedic touch. Where Smith uses a crusted over paint roller, Apatow will use a fine bristled brush crafted from the hand-plucked pubis hair of an ovulating virgin.
Before I go any further, for the record, I am a Kevin Smith fan. And the way I see it, the Kevin Smith hierarchy, which is not really a hierarchy more than it is a triumvirate, is as follows:
His best overall film: Chasing Amy His funniest film: Clerks II His smartest film: Dogma
I don't think Smith has made any truly bad films. I know Mallrats is universally considered his worst, which it probably is, but I still think it had it's moments. So that being said, here's my offering for the opposite end of the spectrum:
His most self indulgent: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Zack and Miri, is not as funny as Clerks II, nor it as touching as Chasing Amy. What Smith does here with Zack and Miri, is basically try and combine those two. You can't fault his logic - combine 2 good things to get 1 great one, but he was looking to make a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, and he ended up with a Rumer Willis instead. My sincerest apologies to Zack and Miri for the uncalled for comparison.
Like I said folks, I am a Kevin Smith fan. And while I liked Zack and Miri Make a Porno, I didn't love it. Maybe I was merely expecting too much out of him, coming off of Clerks II which was by all accounts a labor of love. Clerks II was Kevin Smith's way of saying Thank You to the characters that gave him a voice (and career) as a filmmaker.
It is now fairly well documented that Smith financed the shoestring budget of $25,000 for the original Clerks with his own personal credit cards. Think about that for a minute. Kevin Smith believed in Randall and Dante so blindingly that he risked financial ruin to tell their story. How many of us can say we've gone to similar lengths for something we truly believed in?
Sadly for Zack and Miri, Smith wasn't a believer.
While that would be a terrific line to close with, it would be a reprehensible injustice if I didn't point out how great it was to see Jason Mewes playing against type here. For once he's not the loud mouth stoner jackass. He has some nice scenes throughout and plays an integral role in Zack and Miri's reunion scene at the end. But more so than Mewes, the most pleasant surprise for me was Katie Morgan of all people. As in adult film star Katie Morgan. Oddly enough there's a sweet innocence to her. An endearing naivety. Or maybe it's just her infectious bubbly personality. Granted, she wasn't really stretching her limits as an actress, but, well, it was nice to see her fucking, but it was also nice to see her not fucking. And that my friends is probably the biggest compliment I could have paid her.