My movie review today will cover the new Coen brothers' movie Burn After Reading.  Before I dive into it, I'd like to start by saying I am a Coen brothers fan boy.  I simply fucking love their movies.  So it absolutely pains me to have to write this review.  Really guys...just...what the fuck? Let's first look at my take on all the past movies they've put together, that I have seen:

So as you can see, I'm no stranger to their movies.  The Coen brothers aren't a couple of douchebags that just slap together some artsy fartsy bullshit, and hope the audience can "feel" what they are supposed to feel, and if they don't...they can go fuck themselves (read: Tarantino). least...they weren't...

Burn After Reading aka Cry After Watching

Now let's get into this travesty of a film Burn After Reading.  As I'm sure you are all aware, it has an all-star cast.  Our main stars are Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Frances McDormand, and supporting roles from John Malkovich and Tilda Swinton.  In my opinion, Malkovich's character was the only redeeming part, but I am pretty gay for Malkovich, so you might want to take that with a grain of salt.

The jist of the "plot" is that two knuckleheads (Pitt & McDormand) get a disc, with alleged CIA secrets, into their possession.  They find out who it belongs to (Malkovich), try to blackmail him with it, then decide to try to sell it to the Russians, blah blah.  All the while, this person is fucking that person, who is married to this person, and so forth.

That's it.  Don't believe me?  I fucking DARE you to watch this shit and give me something more in-depth than that.  That really is it.  Some humor throughout, but very little (majority of which comes from Pitt & Malkovich) as a whole.  IMDB labels it as a crime comedy, neither of which it succeeds with.

It was just absolutely zero plot.  There was no beginning or end; just a boring middle.  Like a long Seinfeld episode, minus the funny.  Truth be told, besides Malkovich's character, the only other redeeming quality of this flick was that it was short - just over an hour and a half.

My brother (Lenny) summed it up best:

Hey!  Let's make a movie with our friends!  Sound good?  Sweet!

If you are looking to waste your money and time, or prove me wrong, feel free to check it out for yourself.  Maybe you'll like it, I don't know.  If you do like it, feel free to tell me what I missed.