"I was never your friend." With this final line, so concludes The Roommate, a surprisingly believable tale of getting a schizophrenic roommate (the college in question is in Los Angeles, that's why I insist it's believable. You have no idea what kind of fucked up shit goes on there until you've lived it). The main flaw in Christian E. Christiansen's (yes, he's Danish in case you couldn't tell by the redundancy of the name) first major American movie lies within the fact that it is ludicrously maudlin as opposed to what it actually should be, which is balls out insane--playing up the psychopath element at every turn.

Sarah Matthews (writer Sonny Mallhi has a knack for keeping it ultra generic--he also wrote that study in extreme soppiness, The Lake House) comes to L.A. from Iowa (one of several parallels to the recently panned movie Burlesque) to attend (the fictional) University of Los Angeles after giving up her dream of going to Brown University so that she could go to the same school as her boyfriend, Jason (Matt Lanter)--who ultimately ends up going to Brown when a slot opens up unexpectedly. See what happens when you sacrifice your ambitions, ladies? You'll end up with Leighton Meester trying to kill you because of a sharp-pronged fork in your destiny.

When Sarah first arrives in her dorm room, her roommate, Rebecca, is nowhere to be found. Rather than taking this as a sign of good fortune, Sarah seems genuinely saddened by the fact that she has to be in the room alone. Still, Sarah has no difficulty making friends and meeting a dude at a frat party (Cam Gigandet, who is our second Burlesque connection in the movie) within the first day. Reprising her role as the slutty bitch from Easy A, Alyson Michalka plays the part of Tracy, a party-seeking, fun-loving girl who takes Sarah under her wing until Rebecca materializes and starts getting eerily possessive.

It is the contention between Tracy and Rebecca that makes for the best scene in the movie, in which Tracy takes a shower alone in the communal bathroom (this is also the most horrifying scene purely because she takes a shower without wearing sandals of some kind) and Rebecca targets her by turning off the light and then turning on random showers until Tracy finally resumes bathing, convinced that Rebecca is gone. But, predictably, Rebecca lunges at her out of nowhere, tells her she's a bad influence on Sarah, threatens to kill her if she rehashes any of this to another, and then rips her belly button ring off of her stomach. The sound it makes is pretty gruesome, but is, unfortunately, the only gruesome part of the movie.

Aside from the complaint of not enough bloodshed, another somewhat abrading aspect of The Roommate is trying to convince yourself that Leighton Meester is playing someone other than Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf. Sure, Blair might not have an actual mental disorder, but, apart from that, the character of Rebecca is the same type A, competitive personality. Meester shows more range in Country Strong, a tragic occurrence considering no one saw it.

So, The Roommate is basically a movie fit to be shown on what used to be Noggin, Teen Nick, or MTV2. It probably also isn't going to help Minka Kelly reassure anyone of her ability to carry a film (the only other thing you might recognize Kelly from is the end of 500 Days of Summer. Her name, Autumn, turned out to be the abominable punchline that concluded the film).