Well, does he?!
It is with glee and hard-ons that BehindtheHype heard Chuck Norris would run for President of Texas, if the state ever decided to secede from the union. If you didn't hear the news, you can check it out at Glenn Beck's radio show, where Norris (President Norris - nice ring to it, no?) said he may need to run for president of Texas. There is no telling whether or not Norris was being serious or comical - since he is the only human in the history of the world to display all human emotion simultaneously - but BTH decided to prepare you in the event he runs and is elected.

Here is the list we compiled of the changes to Texas, the world, and our galaxy, should Chuck Norris decide to run for President of Texas:

  • As President, Chuck Norris will make his Chun Kuk Do the official religion of Texas, the Desert Eagle .50 it's official bird, and his beard the official flower.President Chuck Norris made it his first order of business to rid Texas of all crime by looping the opening credits of Walker, Texas Ranger on all TV stations. He then kicked the rest of the states back to England.
  • President Norris doesn’t mind that Texas is only full of steers and queers, confident that the queers will convert after seeing him in Lone Wold McQuade.
  • As President of Texas, Chuck Norris will assume control of the beleaguered Houston Texans NFL franchise and rename the team to the Houston Dropkicks. Losses will be legally punishable by death. By dropkick.
  • President Chuck Norris will halt all crude oil operations in Texas; instead he will rely on solar power, which he squeezes out of the Sun after applying a vicious headlock.
  • The Lone Star state had to change it's nickname because all the stars in the universe came to Texas to support Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris was only President for a minute - that's all the time it took before he was elected King of Earth.
  • To solve the economic crisis in Texas, President Norris sent each Texan a strand of his own hair.
  • President Norris decided to not sever all ties to the US, by keeping the USD as currency with one minor change: the line "In God We Trust" will be officially changed to "In Chuck We Trust Or Else".
  • Rather than the traditional inaugural speech, after President Norris was sworn in he used his fists to rewrite history, showing that the Confederacy won the Civil War.

Chuck Norris > Jesus

If you have any of your own predictions of what will come when (I tried writing if, but my keyboard did not allow me to in that sentence) Chuck Norris becomes President of Texas, please let us know below.

AuthorBTH Staff