J. Lo is 44 today. Let’s celebrate by recapping some her so bad they’re almost good moments. And I mean that in the best possible sense--for, as Bret Easton Ellis has taught us, there is nothing quite as addictive as lowbrow culture. Early days

1) Starring in a Japanese show called Synchronicity

Dancing backup for New Kids on the Block

2) Being a backup dancer for New Kids on the Block

Fly Girls

3) Being a Fly Girl on In Living Color

Shirking a Jackson.

4) Backing out of the Janet World Tour

Dabbling in TV.

5) Having her first acting role in a direct to video release called Lost in The Wild

Dabbling in TV.

6) Starring in a short-lived TV series called Second Chances—the set was ruined by the 1994 earthquake in Northridge a.k.a. the universe was  not havin’ that shit.

Snipes and Lopez in Money Train

7) Being a cast member of Money Train

Old school vanity.

8) Agreeing to be a romantic interest to Robin Williams in Jack

Old school vanity.

9) The "If You Had My Love" video

First husband--not into it.

10) First failed marriage to Cuban actor Ojani Noa

Wax figures

11) Dating Puff Daddy while he was Puff Daddy

Dubious album titles.

12) Calling an album This Is Me... Then

Implausible rom coms

13) Agreeing to be in The Wedding Planner--not just because of the plot, but because of the Italian portrayal

But apparently no limit when it comes to bad movies

14) Playing a battered housewife in Enough

Spray me.

15) Glow by JLo


16) Engagement to Ben Affleck

Worst career move ever.

17) Mixing business with pleasure by starring in one of the worst movies ever, Gigli (and yes, I've actually seen it to know for certain)

They had to kill J. Lo off to make Jersey Girl palatable.

18) Continuing her acting collaborations with Affleck in Jersey Girl


19) The American remake of Shall We Dance?

20) Trying to compete with Jane Fonda's spotlight in Monster-in-Law

An artificial insemination rom com is difficult to pull off.

21) Fortifying a series of riffraff films by releasing The Back-Up Plan

Slumming it on Idol

22) Becoming a judge on American Idol

Like anyone in the Bronx wants to see someone roll up in a car that's more expensive than their house.

23) That Fiat commercial

Remixes for "On the Floor"

24) Ripping off "Llorando se Fue" by Los Kjarkas for her song with Pitbull, "On the Floor"

Album cover for Love?

25) Releasing Love? an album with only one listenable song

Not so haute couture.

26) The Jennifer Lopez Collection for Kohl's

Another bum marriage

27) Marc Anthony

Awkward promotional poster for What to Expect When You're Expecting

28) Returning to the screen after a reprieve with What To Expect When You're Expecting

Fragrance shill

29) Fragrance bombing yet again with Glowing by JLo


30) Making a quick dollar as the voice of Shira in Ice Age: Continental Drift

CD version (nostalgia, okay?) of Dance Again... The Hits

31) Revealing desperation to fulfill her contract with Epic Records with Dance Again... the Hits

Oh, what might have been told.

32) Preventing Ojani Noa from releasing a tell-all book about their marriage (come on, even Madonna let her brother release his disparaging prose)

J. Lo could have had a mug shot too.

33) Not getting charged for criminal possession while she was with Puff Daddy

Never marry your backup dancer.

34) Marriage to Chris Judd (even K-Fed was a step up as far as backup dancer husbands go)


35) Starting the trend of merged celebrity couple names

The most beautiful collaboration ever--never to be repeated

36) Not collaborating with Ja Rule after "I'm Real"

Laying the groundwork for Long Island-level spoiledness.

37) Having her children at a hospital in Long Island

"Jenny From the Block" video--mostly showcasing wealth and Ben Affleck

38) Disingenous Bronx pride on "Jenny From the Block"

Love and Light fragrance

39) Peddling her fragrance, Love and Light, on the Home Shopping Network

J. Lo as Selena

40) Not making Selena 2: Rise of Yolanda 

Never to be topped

41) Never topping the green Versace dress at subsequent Oscar appearances

Advice giver

42) Telling Nicki Minaj how to upstage Mariah on American Idol 

Perez's account of dialogue.

43) Not telling Mariah how to upstage Nicki Minaj on American Idol

Apologizing for singing "Happy Birthday"

44) Getting in trouble for singing "Happy Birthday." Everyone knows you can't do that without getting sued.