Memorial Day is a day of remembrance Quick history lesson. Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day and was started after the Civil War. It was originally celebrated on May 5th, 1866 in Waterloo, New York. That's the boring part. What's more interesting is that on May 30, 1868, newly liberated slaves went to a Confederate prison camp that was also a mass grave for Union soldiers and put them all into individual graves, declared the place a Union graveyard, and decorated the graves with flowers. Let me repeat that. Newly freed slaves went into former enemy territory and took over the place. That's pretty fucking hardcore. End history lesson.

Memorial Day was once a day that meant something to people. During the Civil War, 620,000 American lives were lost. During the Iraq "War", a paltry 4,200 Americans have lost their lives. It's like we're not even trying. With so few casualties, it's no wonder that Memorial Day is only relevant as a day off from work or school. So what can we do to bring meaning back to Memorial Day? Here's a few ways we can keep fighting the good fight to remember those who have fallen in glorious combat.

Fight oppression

Give me liberty or give me death!

Memorial Day is a day to honor those who have fought for our freedom. So, on this day especially, we should fight for our own. Starting Memorial Day, the "Click it or Ticket" campaign is strongly enforced.  Forcing people to use seatbelts is oppression of the highest order. After all, it doesn't hurt anyone else if we fly through a window. So next time you get stopped for not wearing your seatbelt, fight back. Show the police that you care about freedom by not letting them ticket you. By whatever means necessary.

Piss off a foreigner

Pissing off a foreigner is a good way to ensure that we will continue to have conflicts. You get extra points for pissing off a diplomat or someone of equal importance. You also get extra points for pissing off someone if you are a diplomat or someone of equal importance. After all, America was built on conflict. Not only did we fight with the Motherland, but we also killed all the Natives when we got here. And don't worry. You don't have to leave the country to piss off a foreigner. If you piss off someone from another state, we can have another Civil War. In a Civil War all casualties are American. And that gives us more people to mourn for on Memorial Day.

Start a war

This is similar to pissing off a foreigner, but with more firepower. Send an active nuke to China. Go to North Korea and assassinate Kim Jong-Il. Or if you're not in the position to do something quite that extreme, just go on a murderous rampage whenever you meet someone with an accent.  Though, it might be better if you fail any assassination attempts. If you kill the leader of a country, we might replace them with someone friendly to us. And then how are our soldiers going to die?

Elect a Republican to office

And by protect, they mean attack nonaggressive countries!

If you can't start a war on your own, elect a Republican. Democrats are a spineless, peaceful breed that wouldn't start a war if there were weapons of mass destruction waiting for them in mobile laboratories all across the desert. A president like George W. Bush knew the importance of making sure American soldiers died in battle. That's why he had no exit strategy. But under Obama? There's a good chance that soon none of our soldiers will be dying at all! And then what will happen to Memorial Day?

These are just a few ideas to cause conflict and strive worldwide. If you put your mind to it, I'm sure you can think of many, many more ways for Americans to die in the line of duty. But whatever you do, remember that striving for peace and harmony is the worst thing we can do if we want to keep Memorial Day going strong.