Time and commitment are the cornerstones of any serious endeavor.  These two principles anchor the fleeting converted into true believers.  And in the congregation of delicatessen culture, I have but one destination, one true church: Brent’s Delicatessen & Restaurant.  Now we could circle the culinary mulberry bush with menu discussions ranging from soups to desserts, but my real test of any deli worth their weight is the pastrami. I love pastrami and to me it’s a Holy Meat.  It’s own Trinity.  Beef, salt, maybe mustard; can anyone argue with this highly intelligent design? Coming from Irish-German stock, I am well qualified to duck a thousand coronary deaths for the love of this traditional cured giant.  And for the benefit of my neglected readers, I offer the following: Read, believe and indulge. 

Delicatessen Schools of Thought

Portion

While many swoon over the Cheesecake Factory/Claim Jumper idea that too much food is a good thing, I do not subscribe to that.  I want a meal or in this case a sandwich with which I can actually fit into my mouth as opposed to turning into an uneven open-faced nightmare.  Or succumbing to the “I will need a box” reality even before the meal arrives.

In short, I prefer careful thought into my portion and my menu choices.  Light eaters will need a box, medium (like myself) won’t have a problem cleaning the plate and heavies can order from the dessert menu. 

Fat Vs. Lean

There is also the debate over lean versus fat marbled meats.  I have long been a fan of the marbling idea, as it seems to produce a much more tender and flavorful end product.  And with this idea Brent’s does the seemingly impossible.  They produce lean yet tender pastrami.  

 

Atmosphere/Ambiance

I must confess, to me the benchmark of atmosphere is Canter’s in Los Angeles.  (Back-story: I was a teenager, it was downtown and my friends said it was “cool”)  In being a Southern California native, I really had no idea what a legitimate deli was supposed to “feel” like, but Canter’s is what I imagined an original east coast delicatessen to feel like. And while the Westlake location may feel a bit too sanitary for young and tainted tastes, at this stage in my twilight years it feels bright and inviting.  Also keep in mind that it’s only been here since 2006.  Give it the time to mature into it’s own museum like its original location in Northridge (circa 1967) has achieved. 

Service

I can’t stress enough how wonderful their service is.  Being in retail, I am hypercritical of this often overlooked and maligned art.  So often I am amazed with the lack of competent service businesses provide.  I am always given spot on service.  It’s almost become a game for me, “Is this the visit that they fail to show me a good time?”  But this has never happened and the game is somewhat dead for lack of players.   The wait staff is both knowledgeable and attentive.  They nail it every time, busy or slow without fail.  Your drinks magically refill, the server asks you if need anything…you never have to hunt for someone who will fulfill your culinary request.    

Prices

Considering that you will pay anywhere from $8 to $11 dollars for crappy fast food, I will gladly pay the difference…i.e. I would gladly sacrifice 3 Jerry’s Famous pastrami for one Brent’s Pastrami.  I understand this is a bold statement (BTW I love Jerry’s Famous and Solley’s), but I had to elevate the competitive comparison above a Subway or Quiznos. 

If you are going to go out, give yourself something extraordinary. 

Discussion

I spoke with the one of the owner’s, Marc Hernandez, and grilled him on the particulars of what makes their pastrami reign supreme.  And it really comes down to their infinite and now famous attention to detail.  From which cuts make the grade (they use a navel cut of brisket) to how they double steam the meat, meticulously cut it and assemble it.  

Marc described that he expects that the sandwiches are “fluffy” as you bite down on them.  It should be almost spongy with a clean bite that doesn’t drag other larger pieces of meat away from it.  DISCLAIMER this reference really only makes sense after you have tried one of their masterpieces.   You won’t realize how many inferior imitations are out there until you experience a sandwich correctly done. Sandwich construction really makes a huge difference.   

My Favorite Menu Item

Hands down the Black Pastrami Reuben $13.95.  This sandwich needs nothing but a mouth to accommodate it. 

Overall Value

Great dining is a combination of unique experiences.  Some may make a great sandwich but the service suffers.  You may have amazing service but it’s really expensive.  But the real measure is when you get both great food and service and you find yourself plotting your next visit before you have even left. 

Locations

Westlake Village 2799 Townsgate Road Westlake Village, CA 91361 Phone: 805.557.1882 Hours: Daily 7am to 9pm

Northridge 19565 Parthenia Street Northridge, CA 91324 Phone: 818-886-5679 Hours: Daily 7am to 9pm

Nearly one whole year has gone by since the last Oscar ceremonies. Another year of films, another year of losses (as written so eloquently by our own Spazarella, found here). Another year of hype and over hype for films like The Dark Knight, Indiana Jones, Quantum of Solace and High School Musical 3. Another year where films like Iron Man, and Hancock saw unexpected success. And likewise, films like Seven Pounds and Cloverfield underperformed their expectations. But every year sees several films fly through theaters relatively unnoticed, that’s if they were widely released. These films often appear as names on a ballot during awards season and are usually brushed aside, opting for a more publicly acceptable alternative for the gold. I obviously have one such film in mind, and that film is Martin McDonagh’s In Bruges.

The Premise:

A pair of hit men take a much needed holiday in Bruges Belgium in order to lay low after a botched job. Ray (Ferrel) and Ken (Gleeson) are forced to room together in a small bed and breakfast where a fair amount of hilarious misunderstandings and arguments ensue. Ken is content with roaming the ‘fairy tale’ streets as a tourist, happy to put his job behind him, if only until the mysterious ‘Harry’ calls to stir things up. Ray would rather go back to London or Ireland, or anywhere but Bruges, and proclaims his disinterest frequently. Drugs, hookers, an American midget actor, Canadian hecklers and a Russian gun smuggler all make regular appearances as Ray attempts to make the best out of his forced holiday in Bruges while also being coerced by Ken to soak in the culture. They begin to learn more about each other than either man wished, and both men must make some tough decisions when one of them becomes a target.

The Cast:

Irish actors Colin Ferrel and Brendan Gleeson play Ray and Ken respectively, the two hilariously different hit men that carry on like an ‘R’ rated Irish Odd Couple. Ray’s love interest is played by French actress Clémence Poésy. Ralph Fiennes plays their boss, Harry Waters, and Canadian actor Jordan Prentice as the racist, misanthropic, pill popping dwarf Jimmy.

Why You Should Watch:

Martin McDonagh, an English-born Irish playwright probably best known for his play, ‘The Beauty Queen of Leenane’, is a master at telling disturbing stories in a strangely inviting way. In Bruges is no exception. Colin Ferrel shines in what I consider to be one of his best performances as a witty Irish hit man with a dark secret that ultimately eats away at him. His swagger and quick talk is understood to be a cover for a damaged man who eventually breaks down in the film’s pivotal scene. The film, although graphic at times, is a real pleaser. The story is simple but well told and the characters are fantastic exaggerations that will leave you smiling… or maybe that’s just me.

Why You Shouldn’t Watch:

Despite my ravings, this film is not for the queasy. The graphic nature of this film becomes a little extreme and unbelievable at one point, but hey, it’s a movie. The language in this film is brilliant! Now to translate for those who don’t know me… the characters use expletives, a lot, and in masterful ways, creating true works of four letter word art. No one who is easily offended should watch this film. It’s racist, anti-obese, anti-midget and even a little anti-American at its best times. Basically, if you’re Mormon or a staunch conservative, avoid this film because, well, I wouldn’t want to sit next to you and watch it and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Will It Win:

Well, unfortunately In Bruges was all but overlooked by The Academy despite winning awards for Best New Filmmaker (BSFC), Best Screenplay (BIFA) and Best Actor for Colin Ferrel at the Golden Globes and several other nominations. Where is Colin Ferrel’s nomination? I’ve heard just about enough of how Brad Pitt had the performance of a lifetime in Benjamin Button. For me, he was just underwhelming in the role. I’d seen it before, but Ferrel really shined. He must’ve done something right, he got the Golden Globe. Ah, but here comes the Golden Globe’s curse: Colin Ferrel won in the Comedy or Musical section, thus thwarting his chances at Oscar gold, because we all know that The Academy doesn’t consider comedies real films. So, sorry Colin, your just too much of a God Damned comedian. That being said, The Academy has nominated Martin McDonagh for Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen for his writing of In Bruges. With Milk also in this category, it is unlikely that In Bruges will leave with any awards. I won’t count it out yet though, The Academy has been known to throw a dog a bone every now and again. I’ll be watching, hoping. And who knows maybe I’ll get a balance of culture and fun, but perhaps Ray put it best when he said, “Somehow I believe… that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite… a dwarf.”

 

So I’m sitting down at the end of the week, determining how broke I am at this point in time, and something hit me. I was starting to wonder where all my goddamn money was going to. Mind you, my desk is quite the trash pile, but the daunting blue slips of paper folded on my desk signified just how far up my ass the government was. Those were my paycheck stubs that break my heart every fortnight.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love America and everything, but twenty percent out of paycheck is nothing to smile about. Really guys? Twenty percent? I haven’t seen a raping that bad since Charlize Theron in monster. Yeah I said it.

Luckily though, while on my daily journeys around the world via my comfortable desk chair, I stumbled upon the gem of Death and Taxes. The boys at Lifehacker.com were clearly as sore in the bum as I, and as a result, gave us this spectacle to ogle at.

This is from a website called Wallstats.com, whose apparent mission is to give us a visual (framed even) representation of some of the most staggering moments in our past and in some cases, even future.

In a nutshell, the government has to propose a budget to be amended and eventually enforced for this nation, which will use the rape-funds that we suffer for every year. The president has to give the final go ahead for all of this, and then the spending begins.

There are over 500 programs and departments who want a piece of the bum bum pie, but not all are created equal obviously, as you can see here. Each circle represents a department or program that congress wants to enact a certain amount of money into. The bigger the circle, the more money put into that category.

I love this because most people I know would never take the time to ask questions about what their government is doing with their money (let alone even think about what their money is being spent on) every year. But alas, now we have no excuses; for the 2009 fiscal year at least, with this poster.

You can buy this poster to mount at your house (even have it framed if you’re nasty), for all your friends to see; although it might ruin the mood after going to the club and blowing 200 bucks on drinks and dances.

If you look it up on the website, you can actually zoom into the poster to get a better view of everything, if you don’t plan on buying this bad boy. I recommend you have a look-see at the page, if only for Death and Taxes, I don’t think I’ll be buying a copy of the poster, but I am however contemplating the poster that is currently in production, that gives us a visual representation of the history of some of the most interesting facts about black history to happen in the last 400 years. But that’s for another time.

Also, check the blog of these guys, because I found it interesting how such an amazing idea could get banned by the apparently power hungry Digg.com (and yes, my article will have a Digg affiliation). I won’t spoil anymore fun for you, so just get back to the basics. You know, those two things that will never end, keeping your bum sore for the next millennia: Death and Taxes.

~Flak

The second Australian Open Semi-final is between two leftie Spaniards, with the world’s number one player, Rafael Nadal, and huge underdog Fernando Verdasco. Nadal strolled through his previous matches, not losing a single set throughout the Open. In his 8th season as a professional player, this is the first major that Verdasco has played where he’s beaten two top 10 players, so he’s definitely ready for Nadal. Of the 14 prior sets these players have faced off in their 6 prior meetings, 13 of those went to Nadal. I’m not sure who has the most pressure though, because it’s almost assumed that Nadal will win, so Verdasco really has nothing to fear. As both players come onto the court, and keep the fans waiting to even begin their warm-ups, they are already trying to fuck with each others psyche.

First Set

Most people watching this match would probably start getting bored if they aren’t tennis fans because neither of these guys is really quick to start the points. But if you can stomach waiting for them to serve, you are in for a treat. These guys are just smacking the shit at the ball – surprisingly enough, Verdasco is actually hitting harder than Nadal. Verdasco was really putting it to Nadal, and had a prime opportunity to break Nadal’s serve early, but blundered with an easy overhead that went long. Verdasco is dictating most of the points, and Nadal’s first serve returns are just horrendous even with him standing several feet behind the baseline.

This set was filled with some of the best baseline rallies you’ll ever see in your life. Both men were able to hold serves, leading to a tiebreaker at 6-6, but going into it there is a sense that the momentum is on Verdasco’s side. Tremendous pressure during the tiebreak for both players, but the first set went to the better player – Verdasco wins the tiebreaker 7-4, and thus wins the set 7-6. That’s right…Verdasco won the set…he did get a little luck from the net cord in the tiebreaker, but he kept the pressure on with his aggressive play. This is the first set Nadal lost in this Australian Open, and also matches the number of sets Verdasco has won against Nadal before. An hour and 15 minutes into the match, the men prepare for another battle in the second set.

Fernando Verdasco Pumped Up (Photo Courtesy of Mark Dadswell/Getty Images)

Second Set

Much quicker pace to the points in this set right off the bat, and the points that are being played out are still being dominated by Verdasco. In his first three service games, Verdasco did not drop a single point, but on his next service game it went to 4 advantages to Nadal before he held his serve. Nadal’s serve looked much better in this set (89% first serves), giving him a lot of cheap points and save some energy. It started looking a lot like the first set with both men staying on serve, but now Verdasco served to stay in the set at 4-5. After a grueling, long point with a stunning forehand on the run from Nadal, it set up the break point and ultimately gave Nadal the set 6-4. Both men have played an extremely high level of tennis at this point, and now they start the third set essentially even – aside from two hours of running around and pummeling every ball.

Third Set

The second game of this set was a fucking marathon on Verdasco’s serve…both players were sucking wind half-way into the game, but Nadal was the fresher of the two, which lead to the break of serve. Right after being broken, Verdasco comes back with a break of Nadal’s serve without giving up a single point. And then again…just when you felt the set was easily in Nadal’s hands, after he broke serve for a second time, Verdasco breaks back with more quick points and hard-hitting returns. The service games in this set looked the most impressive so far for both players, even with the breaks of serve. This set went to a tiebreaker, where Nadal took complete control; Verdasco had 3 awful unforced errors, and with a 5-2 lead in the breaker, there was virtually no chance Nadal was going to let this set slip away. Nadal gave the breaker an exclamation point with an ace, winning 7-2 and now taken a 2-1 set lead. I don’t really see any chance Verdasco coming back from this deficit, but then again, I didn’t really expect it to be going to a fourth set.

Fourth Set

After another tiring first service game, Verdasco is looking considerably more sluggish in this set. During the 2-1 and 3-2 change overs, the trainer came out and started rubbing Verdasco’s legs, and you could see in his body language and movement that he’s feeling it. Going into the 6th game of the set, the match was already nearing the 4-hour mark, which feeds into Nadal’s game ’cause he’s just a freak of nature. It hits midnight in Melbourne when the players go into the 11th game of the fourth, tied at 5 all. Verdasco is playing with so much heart, and at the same time intelligently picking which points to really give it his all on. There were at least two times in this set where it seemed like it was over, and he just kept fighting back… all the time he’s doing this against the world’s number one player, who is having a great game himself (other than his service return).

Pretty fitting that the fourth set goes to a tiebreaker as well. I can’t even believe I’m writing this, but Verdasco completely out-hit and out-played Nadal in the tiebreaker. Verdasco is now easily on his sixth wind, and beat the shit out of the ball in this breaker to win a decisive 7-1, forcing this epic battle into a fifth and final set (7-1 is the worst lose Nadal has faced in a tiebreaker). People will look back at this match in years to come – this is where Fernando Verdasco makes his mark on the tennis world. Two amazing leftie Spaniards are putting on such a show even with the match approaching the four and a half hour mark. When’s the last time you did ANYTHING physically draining for four and a half hours? Just think about that…

Rafael Nadal Hitting a Volley (Photo Courtesy of AP Photo/Dita Alangkara)

Fifth Set

It’s now 5:20 a.m. Friday morning in Los Angeles and 12:20 a.m. in Melbourne; ESPN decided to broadcast this final set commercial-free. The players keep pushing on, making it look like this is the opening set. At 4 hours and 41 minutes into this match, Verdasco had his biggest serve of the match, clocking in at 138 mph. Nadal breezes through with his service games, while Verdasco continues to struggle to hold, fighting off 5 break points in his first four service games. Verdasco is definitely running on fumes, by the 7th game of the set, which shows with his shaky first serves, and as he resigns to a slice backhand rather than his powerful two-hander.

At 5 hours and 10 minutes into the match, Verdasco steps on the court to serve at 4-5. The first point was the longest rally of the match, as Verdasco hits an extremely tired backhand slice into the net on the 29th stroke of the point. It looked like Verdasco was down and out after this point – he loses the next two points and faces a triple break point, which would give Nadal the match. After fighting off two of those match points, Verdasco goes out of the tournament on a double fault.

Conclusion to this Epic

The match went 5 hours and 14 minutes, which is the longest match ever played at the Australian Open, and is also longer than the longest match ever played at Wimbledon. This was easily the best tennis match I’ve ever seen in my life. It was even better than the match in the 1996 US Open, where Pete Sampras played an epic Quarter-final match against Alex Corretja (this went four hours, and Sampras threw up during the match). Fernando Verdasco should feel proud of his play, even though losing after giving it 150%, he should still hold his head up high. He took the world’s number one player to the absolute limit, leading to a wonderful competition. As I expected, after the final point, Nadal climbed over the net to hug his countryman after producing such a fantastic match.

Really not sure how Nadal is going to fair in two days having to go against Roger Federer in the final. This is Nadal’s first final at the Australian Open, and he leads the head-to-head game play 12-6 against Federer, but I don’t know how much energy he’ll have for that match.

In response to some of my friends from College and High School getting nostalgic in the last year and posting old photos on Facebook for us all to giggle at, I recently visited my parents, dug out my old albums and put some up myself.  Okay, so I was lucky enough to be cute in High School though I don’t consider my tenure there to be by any means my glory days. Suffice to say the memories are not traumatizing, nor are the pictures.  I understand very well that anyone worth talking to suffers from their own version of Ugly Duckling Syndrome, but I have come across a surprising amount of people on Facebook who were not too pleased with having goofy old photo’s of themselves posted for the stalkerific world of Facebook to see.

I am not vindictive.  I did not find pictures that make others look terrible and me fabulous.  We all look just as adorable dorky as we did in those days, yet people are apparently finding the display of these photos embarrassing beyond recovery.  Ok folks, seriously, can ANYONE say that they are not on some level embarrassed by how silly they look in pictures taken over 10 years ago?  Your clothes are all out of style, maybe the hairstyle was an unfortunate by-product of the times and why the hell were you making that silly face? I GET IT!  SO FUCKING WHAT?!  By now, if you have indeed reinvented yourself to appear infinitely cooler than you were then, the fact remains that once we were ALL that young and stupid looking and no amount of personal re-invention will change that.  We all listened to the music that was available to us, wore what was handy, and didn’t have a freakin’ clue what the world was really about.  None of us.

Afraid that the person you are flirting with via Facebook will see those photos and think “Wow!  You were once WAY less awesome than your current guarded exterior is allowing me to see.  Game OVER!”…I don’t think so.  Again, they’ve been there too.  If indeed the picture of you with acne in that crazy dated prom ensemble makes them second guess their proximity to you and your actual level of cool than (A.  They have no idea what cool really is and (B. I just did you a MASSIVE favor and saved you from a frighteningly shallow douche-bag.  “But Spazz, I’m trying in the process of my reinvention to bag the big fish and don’t care if they suck as long as I get some comfort”…okay…then close your Facebook account, spend all your time licking their boots and then shoot yourself squarely in the face because you were cooler in High School.

We are all a product of our experiences and chosen paths.  No amount of new haircuts, occupational stability, lost or gained weight and new and healthy families or relationships will make those years go away so embrace the ridiculousness of it all and have a good laugh.  In my quest for a better understanding of myself I have learned that ignoring things only stunts my progress.  I don’t currently dwell on the past, but I recognize it’s effect on who I’ve become and knowing that has made moving forward so much easier.  Maybe for some people, the memories are actually painful.  Maybe you were hiding something all those years and choose not to think about them because it really is painful.  Okay fine, take off the picture tag, but if you have unresolved issues at the 28-30ish juncture in your life, I recommend resolving them for your own sake.  Don’t feel like tackling your demons?  Well then un-friend all the people you knew way back when, stop spying on our lives from your ivory tower and get on with your brand new identity.  Reading our status updates everyday isn’t going to help you with that fools errand.

The Australian Open is the first grand slam of the year in the tennis world. Even though it is late January, the temperature is ranging from the low 100s to the high 110s (Fahrenheit, of course – fuck you, rest of the world!) in Australia. Number 7 player in the world, Andy Roddick of the United States, faces the machine from Switzerland, Roger Federer (number 2 in the world). In his professional career, there is no player Federer has beaten more often than Roddick, with a 15-2 edge in overall tournament play. Those not privy to how dominating Federer is – he’s won 13 grand slams, which is second overall in the history of tennis, and he’s got at least 5 more years that he could play at this level. Leading up to this match, both players have lost only two sets, and are looking at the top of their game – unfortunately for Roddick, his top game is still well below Federer’s.

First Set

Roddick’s typical weapon of choice is his serve, but besides for his first service game, he was coming up flat. Federer wins all of the long baseline rallies, and starts chipping away at Roddick’s mind by exploiting all of his weaknesses. To be honest, in all my time watching tennis (roughly 15 years) regularly, I haven’t seen a more meticulous player than Federer – he can latch onto a flaw until you are just too afraid to even try the shot again. He was hitting short slices to force Roddick to the net, which exposed two parts of Roddick’s game: his poor net play, and his poor approach shots. Federer held his serve with no difficulty at all, and looked as though the first set was just a warm up for him. Really, the only excitement of the first set was when Roddick started jawing at the umpire on a questionable call. Federer rolls through and wins the first set 6-2.

Second Set

Roddick came into this set a little more hungry, and you could see he wanted to try something different on his serve after being broken twice in the opening set. Now instead of hitting the 110s – 120s (mph) on his serve, Roddick is throwing up balls in the 130 mph range. This is exactly what Roddick needed because it made for quick, easy winning points. Even if Federer doesn’t win the point, the long rallies help his game because it lets him get in his flow. There’s a little more back-and-forth on the Federer serve in this set, primarily because Roddick started attacking the second serve opportunities by stepping inside the baseline. Of course, Federer being the mastermind, he would start putting a lot more topspin on his serves so they would kick out wide and force Roddick to hit them off-balance. To me, it was pretty fucking admirable to watch Roddick play so hard, chasing down every ball he physically could, after being thoroughly spanked in the first set. Roddick’s only major mistakes came on his last service game, when it was 5-5, which Federer took advantage of to polish off the set at 7-5. Being down in sets 2-0 to Federer must feel like being in a plane that runs out of fuel…the ending is inevitable no matter what you try.

Roger Federer Hitting a Forehand (Photo Courtesy of AustralianOpen.com)

Third Set

Roddick continues to try to do whatever he can to try to get Federer slightly off his game – drop shots, charging the net, deep slice approach shots – and it is definitely improving his chances. It looked like the set was going to be over at 2-2, with Roddick serving at 15-40 (double break point), but he fought back and kept the set on serve. This set started to look a lot like the second set, with Federer serving down 4-5, but unlike the second set, Roddick came into this return game on a mission. Federer was starting to look like he might be losing this set at 15-30, with Roddick starting to go for more on his baseline shots. Surprise surprise…Federer bounces back under the pressure, and gives Roddick the serve back now at 5-5. This is exactly how the second set went, but it felt like Roddick had more momentum going into this game. Unfortunately, Roddick stopped going for the bigger serves and the bigger shots, and made an absolute blunder at the net with the game at deuce. Just like the second set, Federer breaks Roddick’s serve at 5-5, and cruises through his own service game to win the set 7-5. Roger Federer wins the first 2009 Australian Open Semi-Final: 6-2 7-5 7-5.

Rhetoric

What can I say? There’s a reason why Roger Federer is knocking on the doorstep to tennis immortality. The man simply plays a perfect game: his serve is under the radar even though he doubled Roddick’s ace count for the match, his backhand is as dangerous as his forehand, and the way he will sink his teeth in when he gets a lead, just make him the most feared tennis player (in history?). Some people are made to be doctors, some people are made to build houses, and Federer was made to play tennis. Federer’s anticipation, court knowledge, and sheer talent all make him one of the most incredible athletes in the history of competitive sports.

Throughout the match, Roddick kept a rather open dialogue with the umpire, which is definitely part his personality and part nerves. On the other side of the court, Federer is the calm and collected assassin, always with his game face on and even his demeanor is all business. The line umpires were absolutely terrible in this match, including the people calling the service lines. Even though people gave Andy Roddick a slight chance to win this match, Federer came out to an early lead and was really never out of his comfort zone. It was cool to see tennis legend Rod Laver flew out from Los Angeles to watch the open, and sat in for this early match (which was played on the court named after him). Federer now looks to see who he faces in the championship, where he could square off with his “arch-nemesis”, Rafael Nadal (#1), or the emerging young player, Fernando Verdasco (# 14). It is basically assumed that Nadal will cruise through his semi-final, which will make for another championship showdown between Federer and Nadal.

Little did they know, picking up that gun lead to massive internal bleeding for Eastwood

Gran Torino is the newest heaping pile of shit movie to captivate America, directed and starring Clint Eastwood. The only other actor in this movie is Christopher Carley, who you may or may not have heard of, but at least he is an actor. The rest of the humans that speak in the movie are a pack of nobody hacks. I’ve seen better acting in music videos than in Gran Torino. What bothers me secondarily to the acting is the fact that Clint Eastwood is supposed to be a bad ass at age 78. Most of us will be satisfied if we can still wipe our asses without help at age 78, but none of us are looking forward to packing heat and cleaning up our mean streets. When is the last time you were terrified of a 78 year old? Better yet, when was the last time you saw a 78 year old NOT eating their own shit from a plastic bowl that they’ve nicknamed “button”?

Gran Torino takes place in whothefuckcares-ville, USA with a variety of minorities, or as Walt Kowalski (played by Eastwood) would say, “spooks, gooks, zipperheads and ding dongs.” I will admit, it is pretty funny when Walt drops his favorite racial slur, but I laugh at most anything these days. What I don’t get, however, is how people allow him to drop all these hate bombs at them with no reprecussion; not only do they not say a word about it, but they never seem to be bothered with it, or phased at all. Beyond his rampant racism, Walt helps the people of his street against the gang activity, and various vigilantism (did I make that word up?). Father Janovich (played by Carley) tried to break through Walt’s rough exterior and find the inner Walt. This relationship was pointless. That being said, I don’t know which relationship mattered in the movie, or really why I watched Gran Torino.

Gran Torino Movie Poster

There’s really nothing that makes sense about why America is so fucking wrong about Gran Torino. Everywhere I turn, people are talking about how great this movie is. What the fuck? Did you not watch the Dirty Harry series? Because if you did, there’s no way you’d take Gran Torino as a modern-day surrogate. I can’t seem to grasp where the appeal is. Sure, you might be a big Eastwood fan, but give me a break…I wouldn’t count on him being able to open a tight jar, let alone cleaning up the gang presence in my city. Believe me, I like Eastwood, and as a director he’s been pretty on-point. But he has no business being a bad ass anymore. It’s not like Eastwood is the only actor still grasping on to former bad assedness – just look at De Niro and Pacino in Righteous Kill, or Stallone in Rocky 27.

If you can deal with piss-poor acting, a grumpy sounding / looking Dirty Harry, and hilarious racism, then Gran Torino is the ticket. Maybe you’ll join the rest of misguided America and love this shit pile. While you’re out wasting your money on this movie, feel free to pick me up a new pair of Saucony Jazz (any color will do, and I’ll need it in size 10.5 US – thanks!). I, on the other hand, have drafted up this formal letter as a follow-up to the movie:

Dear Mr. Eastwood,

Why did you want me to watch Gran Torino? Why did you throw your voice to sound even closer to death? Why did you decide to cast real Hmong “actors” who couldn’t act to save their lives? Why are you still Dirty Harry 20 years later? Why do I get nowhere with women when I call them sluts and give them pet names like “nature’s cash register” or “cum dumpster”?

Thanks in advance!

Your pal,

Redmanthatcould

P.S. – I think you could still open a tight jar.

So I suppose it’s alright to break out of my role as a music column writer to bring you little gems of love from the movie world. Besides I owe it to the director for but out such a great film. A couple months ago, I was invited to Beverly Hills for the screening of an indie film called Kwame.

Directed by the recently graduated USC Masters Grad Edward Osei Gyimah, Kwame follows the true story of a former Captain in the Ghanaian Army. He was forced to leave the country during a coup d’ etat that he disagreed with; but with this fleeing of his country and everyone he knows, he makes a haunting sacrifice.

The movie is told through flashbacks of Kwame (played by Benjamin Ochieng) during the conflict in Ghana, 20 years in the past. The movie doesn’t have that cool build up noise before the transition like in Lost, but it worked just fine. He must battle the internal struggle with the idea of returning home to take his confidence, among many things, away from the monster of fear that brought him to the United States.

He moves to Los Angeles and takes up a job as a cab driver (Cab Driver was the original name for the film), seeing visages of his left behind family at every turn. While driving around the city, he often has to deal with the frustration of people who claim him as a lost African, due to the adinkra symbol Nyame Ye Ohene (God is King) hanging on his rearview mirror.

I personally think that one scene in which a lady from his home country asks him about the symbol; it brings up a relevant issue for immigrant Africans. For personal experience, I have witnessed conversations of my dad and other immigrant Africans about their positions on the state of the world, and their home country. I’m sure for many other immigrants from other countries; they all have had situations with their fellow citizens, whether it be praise or not so constructive criticism of their standing in America. And being that this movie was made in a high population school, with various immigrant backgrounds in its attendance, I’m sure nostalgia will ensue while watching this film.

But Kwame doesn’t just have to deal with his own personal issues, but also the issues surrounding his floor mate, nurse turned drug addict, Roxanne (played by Jessica Diz). While unseen in the movie, she is struggling with the loss of her infant son. What I liked about these two characters together, is that even though Kwame is the main character, Roxanne still feels like an important and established character. This is important because I think short films go out on a limb trying to introduce another main character, give them relevance, and not screw the movie up.

I think that the only problem with the film was simple: it was too short. But for a student to pull off the kind of work done in this film, it’s a wonder he isn’t out on the street begging now. This shit was expensive, costing above fifty thousand dollars.

Being British, Gyimah makes sure no detail is spared, and this is something that the newbs seem to forget. Like Red says, their “eyes were too big”, and the vision goes way beyond the actual execution. For instance, watch in the first few minutes for the faucet leaking the water into the bucket. It set a tone of beauty, but unrest simultaneously.

I don’t know how, but apparently Ghana is easily recreated in the hills of Pasadena. The locales in the film were very believable. It’s a shame that this movie was only a half hour. But rest assured that Edward is currently submitting to the film festivals to see attention and a bigger budget for a feature length rebuild.

More info in the film can be found at the website, and its Facebook account. If you’re into indie films, and the underdogs behind them, you should get in contact with Gyimah and get yourself a copy. Also, the film will be screened February 5^th through 16^th at the Pan African Film Festival in Culver City.

To the cast and crew, wonderful job, and I will hopefully follow up at the festival to see what the big shots think of it.

~Flak

The Academy Awards are almost upon us. Whether that’s good or bad is yet to be seen, however the overly drawn out, politically motivated, live action tabloid experience is imminent. We’ll watch, like we always do, as our favorites, from films that we haven’t even seen, blubber their way awkwardly through their acceptance speech or feign gracious defeat when a lesser actor/actress gets the coveted statue that they so desired. We’ll cry, we’ll jeer, we’ll laugh, and most importantly, we’ll forget all about them by the following week. But we seem to overlook what’s most important about the awards ceremonies, the films that they supposedly honor. One such film, directed by David Fincher, and a true power house at these 81st annual Oscar ceremonies, getting nominated for 13 golden dildo… uhm statues, is the ironically lengthy titled film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

The Premise:

The concept of the film is simple; Benjamin (Brad Pitt) is born as an old man-child and goes through life in reverse. We, the audience, are taken on every journey, through every friendship, every job, every intimate relationship, and thusly, get to experience Benjamin’s life backwards, but forwards in his case. Trust me, it’s simple.

 The Characters:

This film boasts a relatively well known cast of characters. The decorated and accomplished Cate Blanchett plays Benjamin’s adult love interest, Daisy. Pitt’s fellow gypsy and Snatch alum, Jason Flemyng as his father, Thomas Button. With tremendous screen presence, Tilda Swinton plays an adventurous fling, Elizabeth Abbott, during one of Benjamin’s many journeys. Teraji P. Henson plays Benjamin’s adopted mother, and does so, quite possibly stealing the spotlight. And my favorite, the fledgling artist and tugboat captain, Captain Mike, played by Jared Harris, is always good for a laugh.

Why You Should Watch:

The main cast, although seemingly in everything now-a-days, is tried and true. The film is always entertaining, bringing you in to feel what Benjamin feels at all the right times and letting you sit back and observe at others. The make-up/CG is top notch, leading you to believe that Brad Pitt would be foolish not to hire them on full time. The film tugs at your heart strings and plays with your emotions from beginning to end. A classic in American Film for some time to come. Is it one of the best? Well…

Why You Shouldn’t Watch:

Bottom line… the film is too long. With previews, look to spend three hours of your day watching Button. Without breaks, Button is harder to sit through than any Lord of the Rings, which also topped out near the three hour mark. It is a beautiful, mushy, emotional and drawn out film… but it is beautiful, you know like Titanic (at least Titanic had the lengthy post-iceberg scene to keep us at the edge of our seats). Also like Titanic, it will draw the right audience (and their horny boyfriends/husbands looking to score points). Also, Pitt’s supporting cast mates constantly out perform him. He has his moments, but they’re inconsistent. Is it worth all the nominations? Well, let’s see…

Will It Win?:

These are all my opinion and should be taken with a grain of salt. I will not pay you back for any money you lost in your ‘Oscar Pool’ at the office. These predictions are completely an act of fiction and were written in a sleepless daze. That being said… Visual effects and makeup are good. Good enough to win? It’s up against some stiff competition in both categories but may actually pull through. Film editing, costume and original score… let’s be honest, who really knows? Teraji P. Henson would be a welcome surprise as supporting actress, but I wouldn’t bet on it with the Academies track record. David Fincher for Best Director, I don’t think so. Brad Pitt as Best Actor? Sorry, I don’t see it. Not his strongest performance… good, but not good enough. And lastly, Best Picture… Again the competition is stiff, so I would be surprised.

The Verdict:

Watchability factor: See it in theaters, I think it’s still out… despite the almost three hour length, it’s worth it. But, because Brad Pitt could have done better and was consistently out-performed by his supporting cast, I give The Curious Case of Benjamin Button…

I love Southwest Airlines.  I’m gonna get on my proverbial mountain top and say it again!  I love Southwest Airlines!!!!  I am not a professional flyer necessarily but I have flown round-trip an average of 2 and a half times a year for the last 8-10 years so by now I certainly know my way around an airplane and airport security.  Since flying has changed so much from the days when your sweetheart could play tonsil hockey with you all the way to the gate there’s been a significant increase in the amount of stress that the average flyer must endure.

As a result of added stress and bad flying luck, which I have in spades, I assure you, I have developed what I’m sure is a condition in a book somewhere.  I hate to fly.  I don’t hate the actual act of flying, I like heights and being in a moving plane is quite comforting, however the process of getting in the air can be so nerve-wracking that I sometimes question weather or not I should ever leave home.

Take my shoes off, take my laptop out, take my belt off, find earplugs for inevitable screaming baby, find food that looks like it won’t destroy my digestive system while in the air, wade around the people who don’t know how to fly and clog up security, don’t loose my ticket or ID in the process (don’t laugh I got the lanyard thing), walk to either the very first or very last terminal 8 miles from the airport entrance, find a place to sit next to someone that won’t try to expel their life story to me so I can put on my headphones and wait for the sweet relief of air-travel.  Anyone else need a Quaalude!?  I have found one very effective method of alleviating my airline stress.  I fly Southwest.

Now some of you people with a lot of that green stuff might turn your nose up at my choice, but frankly…go right ahead.  By all means, pay more to sit on another plane with less room to move (unless you’re in biz or 1st class) so I don’t have to breath your smug.  Those of you who don’t fly very often may not be privy to the very simple changes that Southwest has made in order to become a more user friendly airline.

Gone are the days of lining up like suicidal cattle.  Now we have a numbered place in line and our choice of seats once on the bird to paradise…or Cleveland.  “But I need a window seat!”…well then, check in online 24 hours before your flight within 5 minutes of the departure time.  “But I need a meal when I fly!”  Good luck!  Welcome to our nuvo-depression, no one serves those anymore.  “Pillows?”…nope, not anymore.

If you’re like me then you check your bags, sit in the back (since you’ll have to wait for your bags anyway)  and chose an isle seat, because you’ll have to pee every 30 minutes, but you’ll be right next to it and won’t have to crawl over your fellow travelers.  Pop a Tylenol PM and have a nappy-poo and trust that your flight will most likely be on time, your connections will be made and your luggage will be there waiting for you.  If not, rest assured that some natural disaster has occurred and no other airline could do better…and probably won’t.

Still don’t think SW is the best option for you?  Ask me about all the times American Airlines lost my luggage ( 3, and I’ve only flown with them 5 times).  Ask me about the time they reassigned my gate 3 times in an hour and a half, without making any announcements and then gave away mine and 5 other seats 20 minutes before take off.   OH!  Or how about the time I was stranded at JFK September 15th 2001 (you do the math) having been stuck in Paris while my country was under siege and told that I (and the several thousand other ticket holders who’s flights were canceled when international airspace was closed) couldn’t fly home to my mom because my flight number wasn’t valid anymore….???!!!!

Don’t like horror movies?  How about a hero’s tale?  Ask me about the Southwest Pilot that refused to take off until I could fly on his plane and get to bed after spending a night in the St. Louis airport due to tornados.  He had a half full plane and just wanted to get me home, airline bureaucracy be damned.  He and all the flight attendants stood their ground and I got home…to soaking wet luggage…damn it!  Their flight attendants are always happy, because they know they have a great job.  They work for a smart company that bought fuel at a surplus when they knew it would be advantageous and give us the cheapest flights possible, and will do so as long as they can…because this economy needs it.  Other airlines are taking away amenities right and left to try and survive the crunch but Southwest still gives us blankets, pillows and snack-packs.  Need more than that?  Fine, go get it, and stop taking up space on my economically responsible airplane.